Movie Review: The Banshee Chapter (2013)

 

Little disappointed with this one. I've heard a lot of critical acclaim for The Banshee Chapter, but it really didn't do anything for me personally at all.

 

Young journalist Anne is on the trail of a missing friend, who disappeared after shooting video of himself taking a dangerous drug used in experiments by the government. Aided by a boozy, eccentric author named Thomas Blackburn, Anne digs deep into the history of these experiments and learns the truth about what is known as Project MKUltra.

While the story is somewhat grounded in reality - The LSD used in government experiments is replaced by a drug called dimethyltryptamine or DMT - and while the film employs a found footage style for some of it, they were wholly unsuccessful at drawing me into the story. This is perhaps partly my own fault, though. I have no interest in government secrets or conspiracy theory stuff - I've always found all that to be pretty silly and a waste of time. So then I was immediately in a frame of mind to not take anything I saw seriously, even just for the film's run time. This probably doesn't make me the best person around to review the film, but hey, maybe somebody else out there had an experience similar to mine.

The Banshee Chapter is neither scary, nor creepy, nor coherent. I honestly didn't know what I was supposed to be scared of half the time. Okay, so there's a radio station that just has a female voice saying numbers. Am I really supposed to scared of that? I'm definitely not, and therefore another element of the film that was supposed to make it all creepy and mysterious just made me very bored and yawn a lot.

The rest of The Banshee Chapter doesn't do anything more inventive than a few badly timed jump moments that anybody can see coming a mile away. The shooting style is very similar to a lot of other films I have seen, so much so that through most of the film I was saying things in my head like, "Okay, zoom in on the window in the chamber thing and something should come popping out right... about... now." The film hits all the predictable beats and doesn't bring anything new to the table. The black eyes and weird disfigured face - seen it before. Blood coming out of the mouth still wasn't enough to interest me.

The main actress is very pretty and gives her character a sympathetic quality; she is sadly also kind of dull. Ted Levine is more recognizable, of course, and uses his character actor talents to give an obvious Hunter S. Thompson quality to his Thomas Blackburn character. He's at least fun to watch even if he's never given any depth beyond his quirky personality and penchant for alcohol and drugs. It's really hard not to like him though, because well... he's Ted Levine. I love that dude.

Oh, and that twist ending with one of the characters? Had it figured out a long time ago, but nice try anyway.

Meh, I'm done. I don't even really care to know what The Banshee Chapter was really about. The DMT drug supposedly makes the drinker a "receiver" of some sorts but a receiver of what? Something with... aliens? Ghosts? High priestess monkeys from another dimension? All I know is that all of the problems in this movie could have been solved by the simple fact that you should probably never take any kind of drug that the government likes to play with. Not a good idea. I'm glad The Banshee Chapter has some fans out there, I'm just not one of them. Maybe you'll see something in this movie that I didn't.

Non-Horror Roundup: Mud, The Frozen Ground, and A Fantastic Fear of Everything

Been a bit distracted from my horror duties as of late. Much of it has to do with finding this incredible piece of awesomeness at Best Buy for only $20:

I know it's old news now to those savvy in videogamedom, but for me it's pretty great because I LOVE Tomb Raider and this new game is so freaking good. So that takes up a lot of my time.

I also found me a couple of non-horror movies that I really liked, so let's change things up for one post and talk about them a bit.

Mud (2012)
Did I watch Mud mostly for Matthew McConaughey? Um... yes. I would say that is a fair guess. My friend and I used to have fantasy celebrity husbands in high school and he was one of mine, okay? I had also heard that Mud was actually a good movie, too, so I wanted to check it out. It turned out to be a really wonderful coming-of-age story that centers around 14-year-old Ellis and his best friend Neckbone. They come across Mud, played by McConaughey, hiding out from some bad guys on a little island down river from them and they decide to help him out. There's actually a pretty good cast all around here - McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Michael Shannon, Sarah Paulson, Sam Shepard, Ray McKinnon, etc. - not to mention the two young boys in the lead roles. They are truly fantastic and, in many scenes, they manage to stand far out from some of the big name actors they are working with. The movie's story is about love, trust, and friendship and Ellis learning about all these things the hard way sometimes through the various relationships he has in the movie. The setting is perfectly rural Arkansas and looks like most of the towns around here that I am used to, and the cinematography really shows off the downhome and woodsy beauty of the location.

The Frozen Ground (2013)

Seeing Nicolas Cage on a movie poster has made me a bit weary lately (still have horrible memories of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans), but John Cusack also intrigued me, and the Alaskan setting, and the fact that The Frozen Ground is based on the true story of a serial killer in Alaska in the 80s. Robert Hansen murdered up to 20 women - keeping them chained in his home and raping them before using his plane to take them to remote regions of the state and shoot them. Cage plays the detective on the case, and Cusack plays Hansen, which surprised the hell out of me. Never thought I'd see him playing a rapist/murderer, but he does great here, especially in his interrogation scenes with Cage. And Cage... hell, he's not bad either. The story they both have to work with is pretty typical of movies about the pursuit of a serial killer - dual storylines showing the killer out doing his thing and killing, and showing the police work that eventually leads to his capture. Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame makes a turn as Cindy Paulson, the 17-year-old prostitute who was a victim of Hansen's but escaped. The Frozen Ground definitely gets into the gritty realism of a case like this, and doesn't spare the viewer from any of the horrific details of Hansen's crimes. There's one scene with Hudgens and Cage where she's giving him details of her ordeal... really hard to take in that kind of stuff, especially knowing that it really happened. Really interesting and beautiful film here, one to check out for sure.

A Fantastic Fear of Everything (2012)
Now what the hell was this? Again, it was the star of the movie that attracted me to A Fantastic Fear of Everything, and this time it was the wonderful Simon Pegg in that role. The movie itself is beyond weird and fantastical, with Pegg playing a children's author now writing about serial killers and becoming more and more paranoid that somebody (or everybody) is trying to kill him. He also has a strange fear of Laundromats that eventually manifests in one of the oddest and most incomprehensible chain of events that I have ever seen put on film before. This movie is reminiscent of others like John Dies at the End where the story is so removed from reality but it presents itself in a way that lets you accept it for the time being. For one thing, Pegg is of course a comedic genius and has no trouble at all dealing with the insane script. Watching the movie was an interesting time to say the least, though I think it is one that might be a bit too much for some people to handle! Even now trying to accurately describe it is really difficult, but I still can't help but have a strange affinity for the movie, if only because I love Simon Pegg. Give it a go if you think it will be your quirky cup of tea.

Movie Roundup: The Silence, Bedevilled, and Return of the Living Dead 3

The Silence (2013)
The title "The Silence" actually works very well to describe the movie itself, as it is one of my favorite kinds of movies to watch sometimes - a slow and methodical but incredibly powerful drama. This tale out of Germany is about young girl who goes missing, her abandoned bicycle found in the exact same spot that another girl was raped and murdered 23 years ago. The movie focuses on how this story affects all involved - the police officers who handled both cases, and the parents of both girls - but most interestingly, it follows one of the men who was involved in the first murder, and his hidden past and relationship with a pedophile buddy who is trying to draw him out. This very much reminded me of movies like Seven Days or Mystic River, being a drama with very dark themes but one that handles those same subjects with dignity and intelligence. The Silence is not graphic, nor overly disturbing but it still has power and raises some interesting questions. Definitely one that stuck with me for a couple days after watching it.

Bedevilled (2010)

The description given for Bedevilled was interesting enough to make me watch it, but it really undermines what the movie ends up being. A woman from Seoul goes to visit a childhood friend on a small island, where the inhabitants' isolation apparently allows them to do whatever the hell they want. There are only about 10 people on the island and they have singled out the very kind Bok-nam for relentless abuse. Her husband beats her, his brother rapes her, and the group of older woman call her a whore and treat her like the island's personal slave. Of course, something horrible happens to push Bok-nam over the edge and she takes wonderful bloody revenge. I really loved this movie, mostly because of the way the characters were presented. Bok-nam's friend was the most frustrating, however, considering her complete inability to stand up against the obvious and rampant abuse of Bok-nam. By the end, her character still doesn't seem to have learned her lesson which is why it pissed me off that she lived and Bok-nam didn't... oops, spoiler. Nonetheless, Bedevilled offers an engaging story that you watch not so much for the promise of Bok-nam being awesome with a sickle (which she is), but for the way it presents its characters and how the actors portray them. Check this one out for sure.

Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)
This has been an interesting series of films so far. Return of the Living Dead was fucking awesome; Return of the Living Dead 2 was pretty good but mostly was exactly the same as the first film; and now Return of the Living Dead 3 is something completely different but still equally enjoyable. What first makes me excited is that the star of this shindig is Melinda Clarke - most recognizable to me from a very memorable performance as Nandi on an episode of Firefly. There is the same story with Trioxin being the catalyst to bringing the dead back to life, but beyond that, ROTLD3 goes much deeper. It refuses the comedic element for something more serious and even a bit romantic, as two star-crossed lovers try to deal with the girl slowly turning into a flesh-eating, self-mutilating zombie. That element was really cool to watch, especially when Julie comes out in full gear near the end. Would love to try to recreate that for a Halloween costume. Anyway, though I missed the laugh-out-loud aspect that I've come to know from the series, I liked the different route that ROTLD3 took and the smart way that it handled that change in pace and tone. The acting is very good and there are even some memorably disgusting zombies, so they didn't completely lose the horror element. This one is a thumbs up for sure.

Movie Roundup: K-11, Red State, and Deadheads

So there were a TON of movies from, like, over a month ago that I watched and never reviewed or mentioned on here. And because I have a strange obsession with telling you all about every single movie I ever watch, here is Part Uno of me trying to catch things up with my Movie Roundup...

K-11 (2012)
Not a horror film really at all, but far too interesting for me to ignore. K-11 stars Goran Visnjic as Raymond Saxx, a record producer who gets thrown into a Los Angeles jail after a bender on suspicion of murder. "K-11" refers to the part of the jail that houses gay and transsexual prisoners - where Saxx definitely does not belong. The movie has its pitfalls because it does seem to change tone several times, but I couldn't help but find everything here utterly fascinating. I loved that Saxx is obviously a bit freaked out at first when he finds out who his dorm mates are, and that his tone quickly changes when he actually gets to know them. The movie shows them all as eccentric, but still as people, and not grotesque or weird. There are some horrific elements to the story - it does take place in a prison, after all - so there are some implied, and some graphic scenes of male-on-male rape, nothing really more than what you were probably already picturing when "gay prison rape" came to your mind. The main guard for K-11 is pretty fucked up, so ultimately the movie becomes about taking him down, even though the description makes it sound like transsexual Mousey, who runs the dorm, is going to be the villain. She's really not, and in fact she is probably the most honest person there. If nothing, watch K-11 for something totally different than what you are probably used to, and for the acting! The acting is really good by everybody. Very strange to see Dr. Luka Kovac in this kind of role, though...



Red State (2011)
A loooooong time ago, I started watching Red State. I was mostly digging it but eventually had to stop watching when it got to the part where Michael Parks was preaching... and I couldn't understand a fucking word he was saying. He's mumbly. Now Netflix has gotten better with having subtitles on most films, so then I was able to give Red State another go! You know what I loved most about Red State? John Goodman! John Goodman absolutely kills it in this movie and I was so happy to see him in this role, because he's one of those actors that you forget can actually be a really good actor. And even though the real meat of the movie is mostly just an ungodly long shoot-out scene, I liked it. The ending was pretty hilarious when the religious dudes are tricked by a fake Rapture and... I'm sorry, I just keep thinking of John Goodman. I don't know why I'm so attracted to him here, but I seriously loved  him in this, and I love the story. It's preachy, but it's engaging and it's familiar to us, if you have heard of the crazy people that make up the Westboro Baptist Church. The whole thing was quite different than anything I had watched in a while and it was interesting to see it unfold.

And I love John Goodman.

Deadheads (2011)
Sadly, not about zombie Grateful Dead fans. Just two sentient zombie guys who meet up and go on a little trip to find one of the guys' long lost love. Awwww. There's some pretty funny shit in Deadheads, actually the tone of it reminded me a lot of A Little Bit Zombie so if you dug that one, then you should love Deadheads as well. The actors all have perfect comedic timing and no fear about looking silly at all - especially the actor playing McDinkle, who is just flat-out crazy and ridiculous and seriously entertaining. In fact, colorful characters abound in this tale, and it's one of the things that kept the movie hilarious and interesting all the way through. One of my favorite elements to the story is that the two zombie buddies, Mike and Brent, bring along this zombie pet of theirs on their roadtrip - a non-thinking zombie whom they name "Cheese." The zombie gore and makeup is all really nicely done and there is a good story going on - but it was the comedy that was most impressive. There are so many zom-coms out there and it really is a joy when you find those that work for you.
Interesting factoid: the father of the Pierce Brothers, who wrote and directed the movie, actually worked on the visual effects for the first Evil Dead movie. Awesome.

Movie Roundup: Buried Alive, Schizo, and Gravity

Buried Alive (2007)
It's almost kinda sad that a TV movie from 1990 with the same name was a helluva lot better than this Buried Alive. It's a real crapfest from 2007 whose only claim to fame is Tobin Bell, very popular by that time because of Saw. He plays a hick groundskeeper against your typical cast of young and overly sexual college kids who are staying in the family home of Rene and Zane for the weekend. Big shocker: the house is supposedly haunted. So Rene has brought two of her sorority pledges along to do some initiation torture on them (actually, us real sorority members call that hazing and it's something that nobody does anymore) and Zane is there looking for the family fortune in gold. But there's some kind of spirit of an old woman around and she is a hellion with an axe, lemme tell you. That's the only place this movie gets points - the kills. The characters are surprisingly not that cliche, and are actually kind of weird and twisted, but you still don't care anything about them. Miss Chops-A-Lot makes things interesting by doing cool shit like slicing somebody in half lengthwise and chopping off another's face. None of it is really a good enough reason to actually watch the movie, mind you. It's pretty lame, you can skip this one for sure.

Seriously, though, has anyone seen that TV movie Buried Alive with Tim Matheson? It's really good.

Schizo (1976)
"When the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing?" What the hell kind of tagline is that? Give it to an obscure 70s British thriller to pull me in with its admittedly vague premise . Here we have young newlywed Samantha who is some cute little figure skater and who, after her wedding is announced in the paper, starts being stalked by a strange older man. She sorta claims to not really know who he is or why he's following her, but she totally does. Remember, the movie is called Schizo... that's a big HINT HINT right there as to what's going on. Still, I can't say that I completely hated Schizo. The plot moves a bit slow at times and there's not much to look forward to with the action or kills, but some of the characters are actually fun and they're all well played by people with great accents and even better fashion sense. Home decorating... not so much, but I guess that's not important. The deaths are surprisingly brutal and graphic given the pace of the rest of the movie, and there is one freakalicious scene with a medium, so you can look forward to that.

Gravity (2013)
Hate me if you must, but I did not think too much of Gravity. For sure there is no denying that the movie is visually stunning and beautiful, and had I seen it in the theater, I'm sure the graphics and camera movement would have made me feel like I was in space, too. But pretty isn't everything. The reason I didn't completely love Gravity is because I was never really given a reason to be that invested in the characters or story. The dialogue is inane bullshit that is supposed to make us like George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, and I guess we do, but do we really care that much about them? Clooney's snarky, talkative Kowalski is the same supposedly lovable and charming character he's played in, oh, just about every movie he's ever done, so there's nothing new there. Bullock's character is way too fragile to have been allowed in space, and we're supposed to sympathize with her because her daughter died. I don't know, I guess the movie was made more for the experience of watching it and not so much for longevity. Not really a good thing, if you ask me. But yes, it is a pretty movie.

Movie Roundup: Bounty Hunter Slaves, Famous Directors, and Dimensional Travellers

The high from Texas Frightmare Weekend has worn off and I figured it was time to getting back to movies. The ones I've watched in the past week have been only semi-horror related, so it looks like they'll have to go into the Roundup, and surprisingly, I liked all of them!

Django Unchained (2012)
Quentin Tarantino has certainly not lost his signature style or his flair for entertainment. Django Unchained is both a different type of movie for Tarantino, as he takes on the spaghetti western genre, and at the same time, it's exactly the type of movie you would expect him to make. The dialogue is heavy and colorful, expertly executed by most of the actors. I was most impressed with Christoph Waltz as Dr. King Schultz, who made me smile every time he opened his mouth as he practically danced with those words. The film is entertaining as hell, if not without its problems. By now it's just stupid to me to bring up Tarantino and controversy because it's happened in some form with almost every movie he's done. Is the excessive use of the n-word just for historical purposes or is it just Quentin's favorite word? Does he really have to show the body exploding in a shower of blood every time somebody gets shot? Seriously, who cares? I look at Django as another fun Tarantino romp that makes good use of skilled actors and air hoses that shoot blood from people's bodies.

Hitchcock (2012)

Ah, how could I have forgotten about this movie?! My love for Hitch knows no bounds so I was all kinds of excited when I pulled the DVD out of the Redbox the other day. The movie is only about a specific part of Hitch's life and career - the making and release of Psycho - but it was very interesting for me to see because I, sadly, didn't really know that much about his life. I loved learning more about his relationship with his wife Alma Reville, and how influential she was in his professional career. Although Sir Anthony Hopkins doesn't sound a damn thing like Hitch, the look they gave him is competent enough for me to believe it for the movie's run time, and Hopkins' Hitch mannerisms are pretty spot on. I loved his performance at the beginning when he's doing the "Alfred Hitchcock Presents"-type opening and it totally put me in the right frame of mind to enjoy the movie on different levels. On the whole, I liked the mixture of drama and Hitch's well known macabre sense of humor that served as the tone of the movie.
Also, the dude playing Anthony Perkins has a pretty scary resemblance to the actual actor at that time. He was a great find.

John Dies At The End (2012)
So if you thought that Don Coscarelli couldn't get any weirder than Bubba Ho-Tep, you thought wrong! I seriously have no idea what I just watched, but I do know that I enjoyed it thoroughly. It's weird when love something and find it difficult how to defend that stance, but I'm going to try. The plot is confusing and is not explained all that well; however, you kind of get enough of the gist to follow along as main characters Dave and John take a drug called Soy Sauce that turns them into psychics and lets them travel through dimensions and alternate universes to fight... something. A bad alien thing, maybe? I dunno. What I do know is that John Dies At The End is freaking hilarious and entertained me the whole way through, despite how crazy and weird it was. Chase Williamson as Dave was delightful in his performance, and his comedic timing was brilliant. He and Rob Mayes as the eponymous John (who actually doesn't die at the end, but somewhere in the middle... kinda...) are both believable and cute as these two young guys who deal with their strange situation both seriously and with the kind of cavalier attitude you would expect from people their age. I'm very curious to read the book the movie is based on now, although I'm fairly sure that it will only confuse me even more.

Non-Horror Movie Roundup

Seeking Justice (2012)

So I don't know what is it with me and revenge movies, but apparently I will watch anything if it has to do with a family member seeking vengeance on someone who hurt a loved one. Maybe it's the emotional, dramatic side to that sort of story that I'm attracted to. Probably. So when I read the synopsis for Seeking Justice, I was all over it. 

Nicolas Cage plays a guy who enlists the help of a secret vigilante organization to kill the man who beat and raped his wife. All they ask in return is a future favor that will help them on their mission, which of course doesn't turn out how Nic thought it would and ends up pitting him against the organization. So the problem with this movie was two-fold - 1) it stars Nicolas Cage, who I've never really liked anyway, and 2) it has no emotion. It should have its characters be so emotionally invested in what they are doing that it's heartbreaking, and instead the movie turns itself into a run-of-the-mill chase movie against the bald-headed bad guy. 

This guy is Guy Pearce (who I LOVE) and he does the best he can with the role, but even he can't seem to get the emotional side right. Cage is the worst perpetrator of this. His reaction to his wife's brutal rape by a stranger is not what it should be for this kind of movie and does not match up to his hurried decision to kill the bastard. I just didn't feel it, and I needed to feel the brutality of the attack and the shattering of their lives to make Cage's decision seem plausible. None of that matters after a few minutes, though, because after the rapist is dead, the movie spirals downward into foot chases and car chases and Cage eluding the police while trying to bring down the organization. Ho-hum. You've seen it all before. It was boring then, and it's boring now. Nice try, Seeking Justice, but you really could have done a whole helluva lot better.

We'll see what Bob thinks of it in the next Project Terrible round in April :).

Columbus Circle (2012)

Columbus Circle was actually a pretty good little independent thriller I found on Netflix a little ways back. It is about an agoraphobic heiress who has spent 20 years alone in her apartment. When the lady in the apartment across the hall dies and a young couple moves in, she's forced to finally face her fears and interact with the outside world - which her new neighbors show her is just as twisted as she thought it was.

The cast for the film is an impressive one, at least for me: Selma Blair is Abigail, the heiress; Jason Lee and Amy Smart are the new couple Lillian and Charlie; Giovanni Ribisi is the detective investigating the neighbor's death; Kevin Pollack (who also co-wrote the film) is the concierge who helps Abigail; and Beau Bridges is Abigail's doctor and the only person she ever has real contact with. They all do a great job of weaving themselves through this tale that has as many twists as a Slinky, and they do it in a way that makes the story credible and believable, and really, quite clever.

Abigail is, unbeknownst to her, at the center of an elaborate scheme that I never even slightly predicted. However, once the first twist about her neighbors is revealed, everything else does fall in line how the audience would probably think it would. It doesn't hurt the film at all really, because it's still fun to see how the mystery is going to play out at the end, which turns out to be very satisfying. Some very good entertainment value here. This movie should have been played in theaters.

Red Lights (2012)

On the other hand, we have Red Lights: just the kind of the movie that gets all the theater buzz in the world and totally doesn't deserve it. But with a cast like Cillian Murphy, Sigourney Weaver, and super-ultra movie star Robert De Niro, did I really expect anything else? In Red Lights, Murphy and Weaver are two physicists who work on debunking psychic or supernatural phenomenon. Murphy becomes obsessed with proving that a famous psychic (De Niro) is really just a big fat phony.

Nope. Didn't like this one. Lots of pretty colors and showy theatrics, but that is exactly what was wrong with this movie. I really don't know what could have made it better, I just know that it wasn't my favorite and I pretty well forgot about it not too long after it was over - after I was done scoffing at the stupid ending. LAME.

Movie Roundup: Motels, Monsters, Monster Cars, and Mistletoe

...and some other stuff that I couldn't think of that started with "M" to keep up the alliteration. Usually these roundups are a nice compilation of hits and misses; sadly, these flicks are mostly misses with one surprise hit.


Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)
Put this one in the "why the hell did I even bother watching this" category. They got the "mountaintop" part right, and the "motel" part, but the "massacre" part? Barely even worth it. The first hour or more is so boring, introducing us to character after character who aren't all that interesting. The perpetrator of the "massacre" is old Evelyn, a woman who spent a three-year stint in an insane asylum and accidentally killed her daughter while in a rage. She has a nice setup at the motel - an early version of what we saw in Vacancy, with underground tunnels giving her access to each motel cabin. At first she just plays pranks on the guests by setting loose snakes, roaches, and rats in their rooms. BORING. She does eventually start killing people, but in the most dull fashion. Certainly not worth having to sit through the first two-thirds of the movie which is just a whole lot of talking about nothing and no action. I guess if you're seeking out obscure 80s slashers you might be interested in this one, but most horror fans can probably just skip this one and not miss out on anything.

C.H.U.D. (1984)

C.H.U.D.'s a tough one for me. One, I don't really understand all the cult classic love for it as a horror film because there is very, very little horror courtesy of the Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. Two, the movie is actually very serious and political, something I definitely did not expect. None of this is to say that I didn't like the movie, though. I loved C.H.U.D. It's only that I thought I was going to be watching a movie about creatures eating people and enjoying that and stuff, and instead when I was done watching it, I suddenly had the urge to devote my time to helping the homeless. Not that that's a bad thing. Anyway, even if what C.H.U.D. promises is much different than what it delivers, what it delivers is definitely worth a watch. Daniel Stern, whom I didn't know was in any other movie besides Home Alone, is a real joy to watch as the Reverend, and every other actor just takes everything so seriously, you know? I couldn't believe it, everyone was so awesome and really made C.H.U.D. at least an interesting experience for a first time viewer like me who had no idea what to expect. Bring on Bud the CHUD!

Dead Hooker in a Trunk (2009)
You guys, I so wanted to like this movie before I saw it. I just kept thinking, "Of course I'm going to like this movie! It was written and directed by two chicks and it's called 'Dead Hooker in a Trunk'! This is what I've been waiting for!" And yet, all that determination still could not make me like Dead Hooker in a Trunk. Did I miss the awesomeness that everyone else seemed to find here? Or was this just not the movie for me at the time? I think if it had been more of a straight-up horror or horror comedy instead of some homage to grindhouse I might have liked it more, but all the illogical plot points that kept coming up really turned me off. I still admire the Soska sisters going out and making a badass movie like this - there are some really nice hack-n-slash, gore, and torture scenes and I love the fact that two girls are responsible for that. A lot of stuff here just didn't jibe with me, though, and the movie was quite disappointing.

Silent Night (2012)

I don't even know why I bothered. I wasn't expecting anything remotely entertaining or new or fresh from Silent Night. I haven't seen Silent Night, Deadly Night in several years now so I've forgotten a lot of it, but I do remember liking it a lot more than this quasi-remake. Silent Night is cheesy, with all the bad dialogue, tits, and annoying characters one would expect from a movie that never tries to be anything above what it is on the surface. "We're making something about a killer Santa Claus? Nah, this doesn't have to be scary or inventive at all. Just toss in all the cliches and a really fucking unsatisfying ending and call it a day." Yes, Malcolm McDowell is in this and he of course has that strange ability to make everything he's around be 10 times more awesome than it should be, but even he couldn't save Silent Night from being a brainless and forgettable movie that not may people are going to see in the first place.

Super Hybrid (2010)
Silly, unexplained premise? Check. Cliched, underdeveloped characters? Check. CGI effects of a giant, octopus-like creature that dresses itself up in the form of cars? Check. Enjoyable movie? CHECK! Yeah, it's true. Despite everything I said about Silent Night being forgettable and silly and not too deep, Super Hybrid could no doubt be described the same way, but I couldn't help it - I liked Super Hybrid! That hour and a half of watching it goes by fast and is strangely interesting. This is perhaps mostly because after you find out that there is some sort of creature under the hood of the strange car brought into a garage at night... you kinda want to eventually see the creature in its true form. That part was a bit disappointing. The rest of the movie is surprisingly not. It's a quick time waster and sometimes I like a good, dumb time waster.
Also, would like to point out that the guy playing Ray took not only his looks but also his character traits from the guy who played the jerky foreman in Graveyard Shift. I mean, obviously. This guy was just less dirty most of the time.



Next post: My Anthology Quest continues! Is the next one an English rock band or a movie starring Boris Karloff? Both, apparently!

Holy Crap, I Can't Even Keep Up With All the Movies I've Seen Lately... Part 2

Part Two. Okay. Awesome.

I know that this may not seem like a lot of movies to you all, but for this slacker, this is seriously more movies than I have watched in a long time. Go me; that's all I'm sayin'.

Lake Mungo (2008)

Okay, this movie confounds me. It's technically found footage, which I like, and it's a sort-of ghost story, which I really like, but it's also psychological and real and stuff. Not sure how I felt about that. I'll admit that doing a horror mockumentary thing was a cool idea and a way to make something different from all the other found footage movies out there, and it's execution was brilliant. It felt almost too much like a real documentary about this Alice Palmer girl - I could really believe that this was a true story and that these guys were real people and not actors. Turns out the story is not really about ghosts at all, but about people - how we can't ever know what is really going on with a person and how everybody has their secrets. Though a tiny part of me was (again) disappointed at the lack of real ghosts, the story of Alice and her family was quite compelling. Not one I'll be watching over and over again, but I like that Lake Mungo did its own thing and tried to do something really different. Kudos.

Lovely Molly (2012)

Believe it or not, the poster is what put me off from this movie for a while. Netflix kept recommending Lovely Molly for me, and I thought the art looked cheesy and cheap. I'm a silly goose, I know. Lovely Molly was killer. A big hunk of that praise goes to newcomer Gretchen Lodge, who absolutely rules as Molly. It's hard to believe that this is her first movie job because she owns the role of Molly, looking gorgeous and totally professional at the same time. The only thing the movie suffers from is being really freaking confusing, as what you believe is happening constantly changes almost from scene to scene. I think I finally got it by the end, even it was very frustrating the whole way through. I mean, a dead deer in the ceiling, FTW? Not all the answers are given but you are given enough clues to make your own conclusions, which I sometimes like my movies to do. Lovely Molly is seriously a good, creepy film with an amazing performance from someone who hopefully will have a great career in the future.
Also, she gets naked a lot, so... there you go.

Rubber (2010)

I'm gonna make a crazy statement right now and say that Rubber was almost genius. For months, I had been very hesitant about trying to watch a movie about a killer car tire, but my newfound motivation told me to just jump right into it. So I did. And I kind of loved it. It's actually not a bad looking movie and its absurd, "no reason" pretense lets the movie be as stupid as it wants - but it's not really that stupid. It's offbeat, it doesn't make sense, it's pointless and meaningless - but it's strangely fun. Truly strange. The acting is actually... good? The movie is... not that cheap looking? I don't believe it. Rubber's not the greatest movie out there by any means, but it is worth the interesting experience of watching it. I'll probably forget about it fairly soon, though.

Prometheus (2012)
To make my feelings about Prometheus clear, let me just say that I watched it the same night that I watched Rubber.

And I liked Rubber SO. MUCH. MORE.

Watching Prometheus was like watching fucking Avatar all over again. Yeah, I didn't like Avatar and I'm not afraid to say it. Way, way too much use of pretty, distracting look-how-fucking-awesome-our-CGI-is CGI to disguise the fact that the characters and the story SUCKS. Prometheus is too long, the characters do stupid stuff and I didn't like any of them, and the movie's "philosophy" goes so all over the place that after a while it doesn't know what the hell it's talking about anymore. I mean, I thought I was watching a prequel to Alien, for Peter's sake, why didn't anybody tell me that it wasn't really a prequel until like, THE LAST FUCKING MINUTE??? You could have saved me from two hours of utter boredom, thank you. Big disappointment. Huge.

Holy Crap, I Can't Even Keep Up With All the Movies I've Seen Lately... Part 1

This is a truly a first in this blogger's life, my buddies. Instead of scrounging for suitable movies to see and review, I am actually ahead of myself in the blogging thing. Yeah, I've already got like, three finished posts on standby and am in the middle of working on two more right now. I can't freaking believe it. With my new life in my new apartment, I've just felt so much more energized and motivated to really make this blog what I wanted it to be for me and for anybody that might be reading.

And I won't even let myself be distracted (too much) by watching mini-marathons of Law and Order or  South Park on Netflix. I've watched so many movies in the past two weeks, mostly catching up on the 2012 horror that I spaced out on - what the hell was I doing all year? Anyway, too many movies, not enough brain power to review them all. So here is a Roundup of the past couple of weeks of movie-watching (not counting the ones I've done/am doing reviews for) with movies that probably won't get the full review treatment anytime soon. Maybe later.

The Devil Inside (2012)

Lame. Weak. Nothing else to say.

Demon Seed (1977)

Okay, interesting movie Mr. Koontz and Mr. Cronenberg. Interesting movie indeed. I'm pretty sure this was a movie about a woman getting knocked up by a computer? Or raped by a house? Something like that. I always thought when I heard of this movie called "Demon Seed" that Julie Christie was actually carrying... demon... seed. Not the seed from a super-smart computer named Proteus who has an awesome voice and traps Julie in her house for weeks so she can give birth to its computer baby that turns out to be her dead daughter. Uh-huh. Not saying I didn't like the movie, though. Christie was great, considering the fact that she has to spend most of the movie alone, talking to a computer with an awesome voice. It's all so weird, but at the same time, I totally love it.

  

Killer Joe (2012)

More weirdness here, people, just more awesome weirdness. Matthew McConaughey, Gina Gershon, Thomas Haden Church, and newcomers Emile Hirsch and Juno Temple make up an outstanding ensemble cast for this deep-fried Texas redneck trailer park murder story about a kid who hires cop-slash-hitman Killer Joe to take out his mother for her insurance money. The kid and the father can't pay Joe upfront so they give him Dottie, the family's young, flighty daughter. The movie is foul and dirty and sexual... and goddamn hilarious. When I kept laughing at all this horrible stuff that was being done and talked about, I actually had to do some internet searching to make sure that the movie was supposed to be funny. And thank goodness it was. Directed by William Friedkin, Killer Joe is most definitely not a movie everyone will "get," I guess, but heck, is it fun to watch and be inappropriately amused by. 

  

House of Voices [Saint Ange] (2004)

Sooooo, this turned out to be less of a ghosts-in-an-orphanage movie and more of a pregnant-chick-goes-crazy movie. This is Pascal Laugier's first feature length film before Martyrs and while his style is there, the power of that awesome film is not. I did not understand House of Voices at all. I had to read somebody's post on IMDb to get what it meant, which always makes me feel stupid, but at least I'm not all confused anymore. The movie is good and very well shot and pretty, I think I was just disappointed at the real lack of ghosts. The opening scene gave me real promise with creepy kids in a creepy orphanage but it just gets slow and confusing from there. Part of the main actress's character was apparently to be a little boring and non-emotive, and the other two women were just odd and secretive (about nothing, it turns out... I think...). Bah, I don't know. This one didn't do it for me the first time around. I feel like I might want to give it another shot later on, though.

Creepshow 2 (1987)

It's true, you guys. I had never seen Creepshow 2 until a few days ago. But though a lot of fans seem to really like this one and even prefer it over the first one, I found it less than satisfying. The first story about Old Chief Warpaint or whatever is rather lame. I mean, come on, Stephen. The guy that was in love with his hair? The fat guy with the annoying laugh? Bo-ring. I've always loved the story of The Raft so I was stoked to finally see it on screen. No disappointment there! It was almost exactly how I'd always pictured it in my head (my version might have been a little gorier). Little weird how the one kid decided to get frisky during a life-or-death situation but well, that's men for you. The Hitchhiker was good old-fashioned fun - I loved how the guy just kept getting nastier and nastier looking. So we got two good stories here, but the whole thing was just underwhelming to me. Fun, but not totally awesome.

Weekly Movie Roundup: 12-23-12 to 12-29-12

The Afflicted (2010)
I usually find that it's not a good idea to watch a movie purely for the actors in it. I checked this one out a little bit and was all, "Leslie Easterbrook and Kane Hodder? Sure, I'll watch that one." Bad, bad idea. It's about a mother who basically goes insane after her husband "leaves" her (I put that in quotes for a reason... read my spoiler after the break and you'll get it) and she starts spouting off religious baloney while beating the snot out of her kids. Sure, Easterbrook does a great job of being a psycho like always,  but the whole movie was nothing more than escalating the scenes of abuse and humiliation until by the end you have absolutely no faith in humanity anymore. And that is not a good feeling.

As for Kane Hodder getting top billing... Total bullshit. He dies in the first ten minutes. Sorry about the spoiler, but the movie is not really worth watching anyway.

The Hole (2009)

Well now, this movie should not have been as good as it was. Directed by Joe Dante, The Hole turned out to be a cute little thriller comedy thing that is more geared toward teens, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. Two brothers discover a seemingly bottomless hole in their basement and when they look into it, it starts to haunt them with images of their deepest, darkest fears. There's actually some really good creepy moments in The Hole - for one, because the littlest brother's biggest fear is clowns. It's scary without being too terrifying for even very young kids to watch and there's plenty of cute humor throughout to keep things light as well. The ending is a little bit hokey with the special effects but not overly so, and I'm surprised at how mature they went with the subject matter on this part. Overall, this movie was a big surprise. Very entertaining, with some great acting by the three main kids.

Michael (2011)
Gosh dang you, Maynard. I know I said I sort of liked these kinds of dark, depressing movies but I did not need to see this fucked up pedophile shit. Michael is an Austrian film about a boring insurance agent named Michael who has a young boy, Wolfgang, locked in his basement. In case there is any confusion about the "relationship" between these two, one of the first scenes shows Michael walking into the boy's room, and then the next shot is Michael washing his penis in the sink. OMFG. The movie never actually shows any of the abuse but scenes like this are enough to put your imagination into overdrive. Michael is very reminiscent of Michael Haneke's Funny Games in the almost boring way it is shot and the scenes that seem meaningless and mundane, but that's what makes the movie so good and hard-hitting. There is some heavily implied fucked up pedophile shit; however, don't let that shy you away from seeing this.

Weekly Movie Roundup (The Strangely Eclectic Edition): 12-16-12 to 12-21-12

I did pretty good this week, guys! I almost have too many movies to talk about, and I couldn't pick which one would get the actual review treatment yet, sooooooo I'm a-talk about them a bit in my roundup and maybe that'll help me decide, yea?

This eclectic week of movies includes topics like pendulums, presidents, fish hangovers, turtle torture, and strangling people with jump ropes. Sometimes I just love my life.

The Raven (2012)

Despite some pretty low expectations for The Raven, I actually quite enjoyed it and had a really good time watching it. At first I wasn't entirely sure how I would feel about Edgar Allan Poe's life and work being put up on screen in such a fictionalized manner, but I found out pretty quick that that was easy to overlook with this movie. It's just a fun, nice paced, and not too thought-provoking little flick that easily killed a couple hours while I was recovering from my wisdom teeth surgery. John Cusack's performance of Edgar Allan Poe was not particularly convincing for me as being an honest portrayal of the real man, but at least he was charming and funny. The Pit and the Pendulum murder was nicely gory, I have to say; didn't expect that. One thing I also loved about the movie was the recitation of Poe's poem "Annabel Lee" by Emily in one scene. That one has always been a favorite of mine.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Okay, now, this one was exactly the opposite of The Raven. For Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I had pretty high expectations and was so incredibly excited for it. In the end, though, it really let me down. The title and premise right away offers up the opportunity to have so much fun with the story that I almost couldn't believe the final result. The movie takes itself way, way too seriously! It's about Abraham Lincoln being a secret vampire hunter, for crying out loud! Why am I not laughing at campy one-liners and hilarious vampire deaths at the hands of Honest Abe with an axe? Why are they trying to be so historically accurate? I thought the whole point of the movie was being completely historically inaccurate? Another thing I hated about it was the style. I am really so sick of modern movies adopting this completely unrealistic, CGI-inflated, way-too-much-use-of-random-slow-motion style that is all about the visuals and absolutely no substance. It looks terrible and I hate it. So seeing it in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was a big disappointment. So sad. Maybe the book is better. I do love that poster, though.

Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

My Classic Monster Movie Marathon from a little while ago got interrupted by my moving into an apartment, but I had totally meant to include Creature from the Black Lagoon in it. So I finally watched it the other day and... well, I'm kinda glad I didn't have to review it for my marathon because I don't really have that much to say about it. Oh, sure it's nice and B-movie campy and there's a guy in a rubber suit and some hilarious homoerotic subtexts with the two guys who are fighting in their swim trunks all the time, but the movie just didn't interest me as much as some of the other classic monsters. I like the monster himself, though, especially the costuming which is actually a really nice design. The underwater scenes are filmed well too (although they tend to go on a little long sometimes) and the set design of the monster's secret home or whatever is cool. I might give this another look in the future but for right now I'm kinda meh about it.

The Innocents (1961)

Dudes, where has this movie been all my ghost-loving life? I mean, this is so freaking up my alley and I can't believe that I haven't heard that much about it before. The whole package was simply amazing - a huge, gothic mansion; two creepy, possessed children; a ghostly mystery; and a heartbreaking story with an equally heartbreaking ending. It seems like there is a lot of the talky-talky going on at first but everything that is said is important and warrants your attention from the start. There is the one amazing scene where Miss Giddens is wandering around the house at night and hears all kinds of creepy-ass whispering and laughing, but all the little tidbits thrown in the movie that add up to things not being all right with the children are pure perfection. Flora asking if tortoises can swim, Miles requesting a goodnight kiss... yeah, something's going on with those two. Deborah Kerr is wonderful in the lead role and carries the film beautifully. This is a new favorite. Really, really excellent ghost movie - I loved it!

Bloody Birthday (1981)
I have almost no shame in saying that Bloody Birthday was actually my favorite of all the movies that I watched this week. I know. I should say The Innocents 'cause it's all classic and stuff and I really did love it, but Bloody Birthday was so freaking awesome. Three murderous kids who take out anybody they don't like for whatever reason? And they use bows and arrows, cars, guns, jump ropes, and baseball bats? I love these kids. And the movie itself isn't really all that bad either. The acting by the three kids is very convincing - they're not trying to all psychotic and scary, just normal kids who kill because they have no conscience (I guess being born under a total eclipse does that to you). The story is interesting, and the usual 80s camp is surprisingly very minimal. This is a nice little sleeper classic that deserves a bit more recognition. Great movie!

Mid-Weekly Movie Roundup: 10-6-12 to 10-11-12

Yes, I know Thursday is not technically "mid-week." Let it go for now.

Amityville 2: The Possession (1982)
Wow, not what I was expecting... and not really what I wanted, either. I was never a big fan of the original Amityville Horror movie - only saw it one time and wasn't all that impressed. If it's not too against the horror-lover code to say, I actually prefer the remake much more. This sequel is something totally different, though, and while I was definitely into it at first, it just kept getting weirder and weirder until it went somewhere totally crazy. The family dynamic, for lack of a better term, was not what is usually portrayed in movies like this - the nice, normal family being attacked and corrupted by the evil spirits in the house. The Montellis are comprised of an emotionally and physically abusive father, a mother determined to act like everything is okay, and a brother and sister who are a little too close for comfort. But I still liked them, which was weird. The haunting occurrences are more obvious and exaggerated and the first two-thirds of the movie, while very strange, is fun to watch. However, the excitement level severely falls off in the last third, when the story goes in a direction that doesn't match the first part at all. Meh, didn't care for this one. On to the next.

The Tall Man (2012)

Much like his previous film, Martyrs, Pascal Laugier's The Tall Man is a movie that is not what it seems on the outside. It also seems like a movie that is only as powerful the first time around (also like Martyrs) but that is not really a bad thing. The joy of discovery is what I love about movies and this one will keep you guessing and wondering until the reveal. A movie that is thought-provoking, confusing, muddled, and slightly brilliant at the same time, The Tall Man almost put me off at first, but the intrigue was too strong and I just had to finish this movie and find out what happened. The horror fan in me was a little disappointed that the titular "Tall Man" was not some kind of crazy spiritual entity or whatever, but I'll get over it. The idea behind what the Tall Man is and does is not one that I agreed with initially, but it has most certainly made me stop and think about it several times after seeing the movie. Really interesting little flick here, but I don't think it will be to everyone's liking. Jessica Biel is actually pretty good here, so that's a bonus for everyone. Good job, sport!
SPOILER: Check this out, too: After watching the movie, you realize that the big reveal was actually right in front of your face the whole time - on the freaking poster!

The Loved Ones (2009)
Now, here's another movie that gave me a huge slap in the face. The story and characters in the Australian movie The Loved Ones are not particularly original or anything, it was really the overall execution that made this one a standout for me. And even more than that, I was immensely impressed with little Robin McLeavy who gives a pretty stellar performance as Lola - the girl who makes the boy pay for turning her down for a date. Her face is beautiful, and mixed with the pink makeup that matches her pink dress, she's one of the most beautiful villains I've ever seen. She's definitely got daddy issues, which ups the creep factor, even though there was plenty of that going around with the other weird stuff that happens in the movie. The chicken, the drill, the people in the basement, the knives in the feet - this movie went to a lot of places that I didn't think it had the balls to go to. The Loved Ones is not really as shocking as some reviews have made it out to be, but I still think that it is beautifully shot and executed. The sidestory with Jamie, Brent's friend, and the goth girl he takes to prom, Mia, seems unnecessary at first but hopefully viewers catch on to its meaning (and it's relationship to the title of the film). Good movie, see this one!
And dear goodness, do I love that shot in the final scene of Lola all busted up crawling down the street. This one, this one here!:

That is fucking creepy and gorgeous at the same time and I fucking love it.

House of Wax (1953)

Now, having Vincent Price in your movie immediately gives you major cool points but you have to have the goods to back up the star. I understand the nostalgia and classic-ness or whatever of House of Wax but it doesn't live up to the reputation. It's a lot of the talky-talky and not enough action, and not nearly enough horror. I mean, hello?! The guy is making wax figures out of actual human corpses, and the characters and the movie itself treat it as something that is not nearly as horrible as it really is. Again, Vincent Price is the man and he's perfect in the role of Henry Jarrod, a wax sculptor who takes his work very seriously, but everybody else pales in comparison and nothing about them is likable or interesting. Paddleboard Man is a close second to Price only because he's awesome. Anyway, I kept waiting for this movie to finally "go there" and do something shocking and interesting, but it never did. It's too comedic at times and doesn't have the real excitement that it needed to make me happy enough. Maybe to audiences back then it was shocking, but it doesn't work today. And, to again risk losing my horror cred, I actually really like the remake - Paris Hilton and all.