Movie Roundup: V/H/S: Viral, Repentance, and The Fifth Element

V/H/S: Viral (2014)
More Nacho Vigalondo in the roundup today, friends. But his appearance here is both good and bad. Overall, V/H/S: Viral made me pretty angry while I was watching it because it so immensely shitty. I didn't totally love either of the first two films, but they each had some really solid stand-out segments that were put together with a semi-decent wraparound story. This third installment, though, basically has no wraparound story - or at least not one that really makes any sense or is explained all that well. The individual segments then just feel sort of there, with no real cohesion. "Dante the Great" was actually pretty cool with its flashy visuals and neat special effects but it didn't match the style of any of the previous V/H/S segments so it feels really out of place; Nacho's "Parallel Monsters" was probably the best one; and then it all goes to shit with the last segment "Bonestorm" and then the conclusion of the wraparound. Really wasn't feeling this movie at all, or maybe it's just that the V/H/S movies have run their course. Let's hope so, because I don't know if there is any coming back from this.

Repentance (2014)

I was curious about this one because Forest Whitaker is obviously THE MAN, and it was sorta recommended to me in a roundabout way. So anyway, the movie is about a life coach who needs money when his deadbeat brother comes back into his life, so he takes on a personal client in Angel Sanchez (Whitaker). But Angel gets all unnerved when the coach stops his therapy, so he kidnaps him and holds him hostage in his home. The torture that Angel inflicts is actually pretty harsh at times, which doesn't really mesh with the movie's tone. It says "psychological thriller" but it could just as easily be a straight-up drama, even if the main character didn't lose any fingers. Or get shot. The ending is ambiguous, so we don't really get to find out either way. Overall Repentance feels like a way more intense Lifetime movie that thinks it's saying something really poignant, but isn't really saying anything at all. Sadly, Whitaker isn't worth this one - it's a miss.

The Fifth Element (1997)
Yeah, I had never seen The Fifth Element until like, two months ago. So how could NO ONE tell me how awesome this movie was for the past EIGHTEEN YEARS?! I mean, oh my goodness, The Fifth Element is just such a joyous feast for the eyes and ears from start to finish. It has Bruce Willis, Chris Tucker, Gary Motherfucking Oldman, Milla Jovovich, and all kinds of futuristic shenanigans that had me so fucking mesmerized and amazed. And I LOVE Luc Besson, too, so I had to kick myself in the ass even harder for not seeing this sooner. Just go ahead and chastise me, I know I deserve it.

Movie Roundup: Houdini, Open Windows, and Dark Skies

Houdini  (2014)
Every since I was a child, I have loved magic. There was this TV show that came on once every year called The World's Greatest Magic and I never missed it. Magic shows are just fucking awesome, I don't care who you are. I also learned everything I possibly could about Harry Houdini and still consider him one of my personal idols, so when I finally got the chance to watch this (yet another) miniseries documenting the life of the Great Houdini, I was all over it. And I loved it, too. I was even crying by the end because I am that much of a dweeb and I love this guy that much. Adrien Brody as Houdini was fantastic, and Kristen Connolly as his wife was okay, but mostly I loved the way the story of Houdini's life was presented here. During Brody's voiceovers, he kept referring to the bad things that happened to him as a "punch in the gut" - which was both genius and sad because a punch in the gut is exactly what led to Houdini's death. "Houdini" is a very solid miniseries and a respectful look into the life of one of America's icons.

Open Windows (2014)

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE! Pardon the bad joke, but I needed something to help me stray from getting too angry over Open Windows. Nacho Vigalondo (hence the bad nacho cheese joke) helms this movie with a concept that I admit at first sounded kinda cool - but once I saw it in practice, realized it wasn't at all. Open Windows stars Elijah Wood as a geeky fanboy to Sasha Grey who gets sucked into this crazy online chaos scam by a super-computer-hacker. I know that doesn't make any sense, but neither does the movie. The whole movie is shown to the audience through a series of "open windows" on Wood's computer screen - random cameras and chat screens, that kind of thing. It got very old after a while, and as the movie headed toward the stupidest and most disappointing climax ever, the quality got very lame as well. I finished watching it just to see how it would end, but I just wasn't feeling the last half of the movie at all.

Dark Skies (2013)
Gah! This fucking movie tricked me again! It tricked me into watching it the first time, thinking that it might be good, but it wasn't good so I forgot all about it. Then it popped up in my Netflix suggestions again and, since I had forgotten about it, I was all "Hmm, maybe this could be good." It's not good, damnit! It's not! Why couldn't I remember that?! Dark Skies is an utterly run-of-the-mill, boring piece of PG-13 alien crap. There's nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing that hasn't been done many times before - which was probably why it was so forgettable. The bland, one-dimensional characters don't help the movie at all, and the acting is only good enough to earn a paycheck. Dark Skies is a turkey, you all probably already know that.

Movie Roundup: Visiting Hours (1982), Machete Kills (2013), and Stage Fright (2014)

Visiting Hours (1982)
Michael Ironside is one of the most recognizable and most fun actors working today, I think. Many might not know his name, but they've definitely seen his distinctive face here and there over the past few decades. I think he's great, so I was very excited to see Visiting Hours - and he more than delivered for me! Visiting Hours is a strange, Lifetime-esque kind of movie wherein an obsessed creep (Ironside) stalks a feminist news reporter, Deborah, first in her home, then in the local hospital. Rather than being a rather banal hack 'n' slash movie where lots of innocents are butchered as Ironside makes his way to his target, the movie is actually a quite tense thriller/drama. I liked the scenes with Ironside that explored his psychopathy, and also liked the stuff with the nurse that Deborah befriends. Her character also adds to the strange woman-power theme of the movie, as she is a single working mother. I'm guessing this theme has something to do with what happened to Ironside's character as a kid - where his mother killed (?) his father. But even this is a little convoluted because the father seemed like the initial abuser and she was just defending herself. Why would this lead to the character's hatred of women? Whatever, I'm no psychologist. Visiting Hours is a good movie, especially for fans of Ironside. Definitely recommended.

Oh yeah, and William Shatner is in the movie too. Awesome.

Machete Kills (2013)

I watched Machete Kills right after Visiting Hours, in the hopes of ending the night on more of a fun note. Oh, I could not have picked a more perfect movie to achieve that goal! Just like its predecessor, Machete Kills is nothing more than a straight-up crazy flick with hot women, hilarious acting, and outrageous violence. Even if you think the gore and violence starts out amazingly in the beginning with Machete literally slicing through a bunch of cartel guys - trust me, it gets about 100 times better. Sometimes there's a bit of a lull while some crazy backstory or side story is explained, but they more than make up for it with face-changing killers, multiple helicopter kills, boob and penis guns, and one deliciously brilliant little device that turns the human body inside out instantaneously. Really, it's just glorious. Danny "Machete" Trejo and the rest of the outrageous and somewhat oddball cast (Sophia Vergara, Mel Gibson, Alexa Vega, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Charlie Sheen) are just as awesome as you think they are going to be. I was surprised to find out that these other characters actually managed to outshine Trejo at times! Blasphemy! But the man takes it in stride, and knows that he is the only MACHETE. Okay, now I'm getting weird. Machete Kills kicks serious booty. Watch it.

And dear goodness, they had fucking better make Machete Kills Again In Space because I will be all over that.

Stage Fright (2014)
All I can say to myself is, "I told you so." I told you, self, that you probably will not like the musical/comedy/horror thing called Stage Fright - Meatloaf or no Meatloaf. I'm not generally a big fan of musicals - though there are definitely some that I love - but I thought one that tried to combine itself with the  horror genre was at least worth a look. The problem with Stage Fright, though, is that it is not really that great at any of the genres that it tries to employ. Maybe I'm not the best judge, but it's a pretty crappy musical and an even worse comedy. The first musical number is slightly amusing because it's not what you expect, but after that it's just a weird mish-mash of genres and tones, at which you don't know whether to laugh or cry. The killer is ridiculously easy to figure out, as are his motives, so in the end you don't care because you know how it's going to end. Meh, don't really have anything else to say. Didn't dig this one.

Movie Roundup: Scenic Route (2013), The Other (1972), and The Tortured (2010)

Scenic Route (2013)
As one of those random Netflix watches, Scenic Route turned out to be pretty badass. It stars Josh Duhamel (whom I kinda like, so that's probably why I watched it in the first place) and Dan Fogler as two friends who get stranded together on an isolated desert road. Of course, the heat and stress and lack of hydration causes all kinds of drama between the two as they attack each other (sometimes literally) for how they've chosen to live their lives. Duhamel and Fogler act well, and act well together, so these scenes were completely believable and interesting, despite being a bit predictable and cliché. Also a bit annoying was when the characters just miss being rescued - like four or five times. It got really ridiculous at one point but I guess there wouldn't be much of a plot if they got rescued too early. What most impressed me about the plot was the ending they chose. I loved the way the truth was revealed to the audience, and that they didn't sell out and gave us a realistic ending. I'm biased about these types of small cast, one location films but Scenic Route is truly a good one that moves fast and keeps things interesting even when there's not really much going on. Also, desert settings are freaking beautiful and I love them.

The Other (1972)
I really wanted to be so shocked and surprised by The Other because I heard that it was a thriller with a great twist ending. I just wish I hadn't figured out what that twist was 10 minutes into the movie! Seriously, though, they make it WAY too obvious if you're even paying a little bit of attention! That's not to say that The Other isn't a very interesting and engaging film. The twins Niles and Holland are great little actors  and there are lots of little mysteries to figure out with the plot as you go along with it - the kidnapped baby, the boys' father's ring, etc. I wasn't so sure what to think about "the game" that Niles plays with his grandmother, though. She has basically taught him how to astral project himself so that he can see what is going on in places where he is not. Perhaps grandmother Ada feels that because she taught Niles the game, she has contributed to what is revealed at the end - maybe there is such a thing as too much imagination. Very cool little movie, I'm glad I saw it.

The Tortured (2010)
This was a movie that ended up being somewhat similar to The Other in that it had a big "twist" ending that was also way too easy to figure out. The Tortured is about a young couple whose only son is kidnapped from their front yard and murdered by a sadistic serial killer. He is caught and brought to justice, but the only kind of justice the parents want to see is the man killed, so they kidnap him from police custody, and take him to a vacant house for a little torture. What really got me about this movie was how badly they messed up the surprise ending, and I just have to mention why so that's your spoiler alert. The killer is played by Bill Moseley - an actor that is very well-known by those of us in the horror world. I would say that one thing he is known for is his distinctive voice. The man that the couple kidnaps has a pretty messed up face caused by the car accident that allowed them to capture him, but he can still talk. And it's definitely not Bill Moseley's voice. So again, the big shock moment that they have been torturing the wrong guy was ruined, but frankly, the whole movie wasn't really that original or interesting to begin with. You're not missing anything here.

Movie Roundup: Basket Case (1982), Cold Prey (2006), and The Cat O' Nine Tails (1971)

Basket Case (1982)
Oh, I waited too long to watch Basket Case. What a joyous little bundle of weirdness and strange creativity! I actually had a bit of apprehensiveness going into this movie because it was one that, for some reason, I really wanted to like but was afraid that I wouldn't be receptive to it. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. Basket Case is no doubt a very absurd movie but it is also one that is put together surprisingly well, and actually has some decent acting and effects. Even the story is not that bad! It's completely implausible, for sure, but I dug it for the moment and was totally willing to go along with the fact a couple of doctors would perform a difficult operation on someone's kitchen table. I definitely rooted for Duane and Belial in this story because of their plight and the "connection" that they had. It was even kind of sweet the way Duane took care of Belial and talked to him like he wasn't a freakish deformed mass. The hotel tenants were also pretty awesome. The sequels are coming from Netflix soon - can't wait!

Cold Prey (2006)

Christine Hadden from Fascination with Fear is one of my favorites bloggers, and I think she and I have very similar tastes when it comes to our beloved horror movies. I seem to remember her praising both Cold Prey and Cold Prey 2, a pair of wintry Norwegian slasher films, and given the region's recent reputation in the horror genre (very good!), I knew I had to see what this one had to offer. Cold Prey is simple, if not a bit cliché with the story of a group of traveling young adults who run afoul of a masked killer. But sometimes simple is the right way to go, and though Cold Prey offers no big surprises or anything, it works. I love the snowy setting, and therefore how massive and mysterious the killer looks all covered and bundled up. I was a little disappointed that it was not at all difficult to figure out who the final survivor would be or the origin of the killer, but not enough to make me give the movie bad marks. The characters are likable and there are some wonderfully well crafted sequences - especially the final encounter with the killer. Just like Basket Case, I can't wait to see the sequel! Coming soon.

The Cat O' Nine Tails (1971)
Okay, I need stop saying that every new Dario Argento film I see is my favorite one until I've seen all of them. Even ones that aren't all that exciting or bloody are still appealing simply because they are just really good, really well put together films. Maybe this is why Argento himself isn't as fond of this one as some of his other films, but I would have to respectfully disagree. The Cat O' Nine Tails is a beautifully classic murder mystery that gets a little twisted, though not so much that you can't follow along. There are a lot of good individual scenes that make up for the times when the movie can't seem to decide just what kind of movie it wants to be - a serious mystery or a comedy, even though I think the comedy works a lot in the movie's favor. Actually, I would almost give the movie high praise simply for the unexpectedly hilarious barbershop shaving sequence. The Cat O' Nine Tails also boasts some of my favorite acting in an Argento movie. Ex-detective Franco Arno and his young niece Lori are an adorable pair, and I absolutely loved their scenes together. Carlo and Anna are also standouts, but Franco is really the star of the show. So far, I've been the biggest fan of Argento's earlier movies and think that they are some of the best giallos out there. He's a true talent, that's for sure.

Movie Review: The Banshee Chapter (2013)

 

Little disappointed with this one. I've heard a lot of critical acclaim for The Banshee Chapter, but it really didn't do anything for me personally at all.

 

Young journalist Anne is on the trail of a missing friend, who disappeared after shooting video of himself taking a dangerous drug used in experiments by the government. Aided by a boozy, eccentric author named Thomas Blackburn, Anne digs deep into the history of these experiments and learns the truth about what is known as Project MKUltra.

While the story is somewhat grounded in reality - The LSD used in government experiments is replaced by a drug called dimethyltryptamine or DMT - and while the film employs a found footage style for some of it, they were wholly unsuccessful at drawing me into the story. This is perhaps partly my own fault, though. I have no interest in government secrets or conspiracy theory stuff - I've always found all that to be pretty silly and a waste of time. So then I was immediately in a frame of mind to not take anything I saw seriously, even just for the film's run time. This probably doesn't make me the best person around to review the film, but hey, maybe somebody else out there had an experience similar to mine.

The Banshee Chapter is neither scary, nor creepy, nor coherent. I honestly didn't know what I was supposed to be scared of half the time. Okay, so there's a radio station that just has a female voice saying numbers. Am I really supposed to scared of that? I'm definitely not, and therefore another element of the film that was supposed to make it all creepy and mysterious just made me very bored and yawn a lot.

The rest of The Banshee Chapter doesn't do anything more inventive than a few badly timed jump moments that anybody can see coming a mile away. The shooting style is very similar to a lot of other films I have seen, so much so that through most of the film I was saying things in my head like, "Okay, zoom in on the window in the chamber thing and something should come popping out right... about... now." The film hits all the predictable beats and doesn't bring anything new to the table. The black eyes and weird disfigured face - seen it before. Blood coming out of the mouth still wasn't enough to interest me.

The main actress is very pretty and gives her character a sympathetic quality; she is sadly also kind of dull. Ted Levine is more recognizable, of course, and uses his character actor talents to give an obvious Hunter S. Thompson quality to his Thomas Blackburn character. He's at least fun to watch even if he's never given any depth beyond his quirky personality and penchant for alcohol and drugs. It's really hard not to like him though, because well... he's Ted Levine. I love that dude.

Oh, and that twist ending with one of the characters? Had it figured out a long time ago, but nice try anyway.

Meh, I'm done. I don't even really care to know what The Banshee Chapter was really about. The DMT drug supposedly makes the drinker a "receiver" of some sorts but a receiver of what? Something with... aliens? Ghosts? High priestess monkeys from another dimension? All I know is that all of the problems in this movie could have been solved by the simple fact that you should probably never take any kind of drug that the government likes to play with. Not a good idea. I'm glad The Banshee Chapter has some fans out there, I'm just not one of them. Maybe you'll see something in this movie that I didn't.