Movie Review: Stake Land (2010)

I've had this movie in my queue for freaking ever it seems like. I kept Stake Land there because of its 3 and a half star rating but was still weary of it because I was afraid it would be just another post-apocalyptic voyage tale. And, to a point, it is that kind of movie. However, the technical skill and emotional focus is what sets apart this little gem from some of the rest.

After saving teenager Martin from the vampire that slaughtered his family, mysterious hunter Mister takes Martin under his wing in the fight for survival. The two head north to the safety of a place called "New Eden," stopping in several locked-down towns along the way and picking up new members to add to their group. The vamps are not their only problem, though, as they soon run afoul of a religious cult called The Brotherhood.

The world, post-apocalypse, in Stake Land is much like you've seen in other movies, although those probably had zombies instead of vampires. And actually, the vampires are much like zombies in this film, insofar that the way they are portrayed is as simple monsters with no human side at all. No explanation is given for the appearance of the vampires in the first place but that doesn't matter. The film is more centered on the characters and the journey they take with the vampires in the background, mostly because they are only a threat during the night. The new world that Mister and Martin travel around in is just desolate and dreary enough, giving the movie a nice atmosphere all the way through.

Though none of the characters are given much of a backstory (if any), the actors all manage to make each character their own and give them their own personality. There's no shortage of talent either, both from seasoned and well-known actors like Kelly McGillis and Danielle Harris, and from newcomers and unknowns like Nick Damici and Connor Paolo who play Mister and Martin respectively. Mister is the most interesting character of the bunch, which is why his lack of backstory was so frustrating. The way Damici plays him as the typical hardass with a heart gold begs for more information on how he came to be the man he is, but no help is given there. Paolo is pretty impressive even though he still needs to work on his emotional range a bit. Martin's voiceover is not exactly bothersome, it's just not needed. All of the sometimes flowery and philosophic things he VOs are represented even better by the movie's visuals, so I don't know why they even bothered.

Speaking of visuals, Stake Land is a pretty movie. There's obviously some real skill behind the camera with director Jim Mickle, who surprisingly only has four movies under his belt. One is the remake of We Are What We Are, which I wasn't too excited about before but now I am if it involves this kind of talent. The story is relatively small, staying with our characters, and Mickle doesn't rely much on showing sweeping views of the landscape. The coloring and lighting changes to match the tone of the scene, and there are some really beautifully composed shots that I wish I could get stills of to show here.

If we gotta talk vamps, I say that they look good in Stake Land. They do look a bit like the Buffy vamps from season 7, though. Just saying. The special effects are pretty much awesome looking all around. From the vampires themselves, to the staking deaths, to burned up bodies strewn around the street, this is not some shitty independent movie with ketchup for blood. The one really horrible thing they show is right at the beginning, in the flashback scene of the death of Martin's family. The vampire is slurping down on Martin's infant brother or sister and then casually drops the body when its done. That's just not right.

Normally my biggest problem with apocalypse movies is the requisite group of crazies who only exist to rape and murder all the nice people in the movie. We do have one of those groups in Stake Land - the aforementioned Brotherhood, whom we first meet when we see two of them chasing after a nun who they either raped or tried to rape. Mister brutally kills the two men without question, and this is what sets off their vendetta against them for the rest of the movie as one of the men he killed is the son of the Brotherhood's leader, the crazy Jebedia Loven. I didn't mind the use of this crazy group trope so much here, though, because they are the only bad people in the movie. The groups of survivors Mister and Martin meet in these lockdown towns are good people trying to make a life, and there's none of that crap about not being able to trust anyone just because you don't know them. Based on their actions that continuously get more fucked up as the movie goes on, it's clear that the Brotherhood is more of a threat than the vampires. I mean, Jebedia has a tattoo on the back of his bald head. He has to be evil.

Stake Land is another one of those movies that doesn't get mentioned all that much, and it really should.  Maybe you've seen movies similar to it before, but that shouldn't detract from the fact that Stake Land is impressively shot and acted. I'd definitely watch it again.

Movie Review: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

I don't know why I don't listen to my fellow horror lovers more when it comes to movies like this. I've been seeing Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon mentioned for years but never thought it was one I should rush out to see. Dang it, I hate being proven wrong. Behind the Mask was pretty sweet, and the first movie I've seen in a long time that had me incredibly impressed with its writing, both for its cleverness and its ability to get me to really laugh out loud.

A news crew is following around budding serial killer Leslie Vernon as he carefully prepares for his night of killing off a group of nubile young kids until only that one "survivor girl" is left. Both fascinated and repulsed by his dedication and explanation of his methods, reporter Taylor Gentry follows Leslie to the very end of his story - an end that none of them saw coming.

Behind the Mask is in part shot in the found footage style but it's not really a found footage movie at all - it's mostly described as a mockumentary, which works for me. The use of the camcorder footage from the news crew is more like the method or reason for why the audience is getting a look at the behind-the-scenes of serial killer-making. And actually, that part of the plot helps remind you of the comedic purpose of the whole film, because it is absolutely ridiculous that a news crew would be following around a serial killer in the first place.

This method gives us a very creative approach to the typical killer legend, wherein we get to see the monster create every minute of his night of carnage. Leslie shows Taylor and crew how he prepares his physical self for picks his victim gang, how he chooses the one to be his survivor girl, and how he turns the girl onto his legendary story so she will be knowledgeable about him and help empower her. Then we get some hilarious stuff as Leslie sabotages the abandoned house where the bloodbath will take place - putting dead batteries in the flashlights, pre-cutting the woodshed tools and tree branches, rigging up a device that will allow him to cut the power, etc. He also walks Taylor through exactly how the events will take place that night - all those horror movie tropes of finding dead bodies and changing locations while still having the killer know exactly where you are and where you're going. Because he's planned it all out, geddit?

Nathan Baesel is perfect casting as Leslie Vernon. For much of the first of the movie, Baesel is incredibly charming and likable with a sweet smile and the ability to deliver his lines in a way that made me laugh almost every time he spoke. Some of the best parts are when Leslie gets all giddy and jumps around like a little boy as he gets excited about what he's going to do, or when he finds his "Ahab." At the same time, Baesel is also able to be effectively creepy and menacing when needed to remind you that he is, in fact, a serial killer.

Along the way in the story, we also meet Leslie's friend Eugene, someone in the same business as Leslie but who has since "retired." Eugene is played by Scott Wilson and just like Baesel, he is able to bring just the right amount of hilarity and menace to his character (menace which is also in turn hilarious) while being completely charming and lovable. Angela Goethals is Taylor, the protagonist who doesn't really do a good job of showing Leslie and everyone else just how uncomfortable she is with the whole situation, even though she eventually goes along with it every step of the way. Horror fans will also be happy to see appearances by Zelda Rubinstein as the librarian and Robert Englund as Doc Hallorann, Leslie's Ahab, a character modeled after Dr. Loomis from Halloween.

I see Behind the Mask as sort of the second step in some of these self-referential horror movies that we've seen over the years. The first step was Scream, wherein it was the victims who realized that they were in a horror movie and though they didn't really use their knowledge of horror tropes to survive, they at least acknowledged that the situation they were in was much like horror films past. Behind the Mask would be the second step because this time they took it one step further and had it be the killer who knew he was creating a horror movie, actually preparing the sets and props to his own advantage during the big killing spree. I'd say that The Cabin in the Woods is the third step, where a whole corporation and eventually the victims use and play by genre cliches.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (ha, it even has a documentary-like title) is a delightfully fun and creative look into how a horror movie legend is created. It's on the low budget side but doesn't show it that much - the casting and acting are what really sell the story and draw you in from the very beginning. Can't wait for the sequel or prequel!

Movie Roundup: All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Rites of Spring, and Ritual

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)
Wait, what? That's it? That's the movie people have been waiting some seven-odd years for and are calling a great "throwback" to the classics? I must have missed something because all I saw was something so boring, tedious, and melodramatic that I wonder why they even bothered trying to get the movie a US release date in the first place. It wasn't really worth the wait because this just wasn't my kind of movie. The story is thin and unrelatable, and the characters... man, they couldn't die fast enough, and that's including the ones that are supposed to be all sympathetic and shit. Why do all the boys love Mandy Lane? Why? I don't get it, and I don't get what the whole point of this movie was. It tried to be very arthouse and maybe a bit smarter than other movies with a similar plot, and just doesn't deliver. Some of the kills are deliciously nasty and unexpected, and that was nice but not enough. There's no tension, mostly from the fact that the killer is revealed way too soon and it is way too obvious even before that. The twist? Don't even care. Sorry to any diehard fans of Mandy Lane, but I just wasn't feeling this movie at all.

Rites of Spring (2011)

Though Rites of Spring is quite different and atypical of other horror movies, I quite enjoyed what it had to offer. It deals with two parallel stories happening at the same time - one about a couple deep in debt who decide who kidnap the daughter of a wealthy business man, and one a typical horror story about two girls kidnapped and offered up as sacrifice to some kind of harvest demon. As the stories go on, more is revealed that connects the characters in both of them, and I thought it was interesting to watch this unfold. Rites of Spring is not overly gory or action-filled, but rather it is more of a quiet and methodical approach that is both well shot and acted. One of my new favorites AJ Bowen plays one of the reluctant kidnappers, and I loved his approach to the character - he makes a great opposite to his greedy and sadistic friend who helps them with the deed. The appearance of an actual creature that The Stranger (who kidnaps the girls at the beginning) is sacrificing virgins to was a bit off-putting because I was hoping for a more realistic story, but it's handled in a mature way so it's not too crazy or ridiculous. I also really love the retro look of the poster, which is what first attracted me to the movie, actually. Rites of Spring won't be everyone's favorite, but if you think you'll like something a bit different, I say give this one a chance.

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Ritual (2006)
Ritual is an odd duck of a movie. I only wanted to watch it because it is one of the three films created as a spin-off movie to the Tales from the Crypt series, the others being Demon Knight and Bordello of Blood. Now those two movies are great, but Ritual, first released in internationally in 2002 and not out in the U.S. until 2006, is something entirely different. Mainly, the tone of the movie is all wrong and it doesn't feel like a Tales from the Crypt story at all. We don't even get to see the Cryptkeeper doing his little introduction or anything (at least in the version that I watched) and that was mighty disappointing. The story definitely had the potential to be campy and hilarious like we love from Tales from the Crypt with all the stuff about voodoo, but Ritual was sadly not funny at all. I don't even really know how to categorize it if I had to, maybe as more of a thriller or mystery. Definitely not action because absolutely nothing happens worth talking about. I got excited during the nasty and bloody, albeit hallucinatory, death of the doctor at the beginning, but nothing as cool happened after that and the movie just got more boring instead of better. The characters are all fun and interesting, though, and having competent actors play them does help the movie some. Other than that, Ritual is pretty forgettable and uninteresting.

Movie Review: A Little Bit Zombie (2012)

Ah, the zom-com. Seems to be more of them than you can shake a stick at these days, because well, zombies are cool. And people have been proving for years that zombies can also be awesomely funny which is what A Little Bit Zombie manages to do brilliantly.

Six days before their wedding, Steve and Tina take their matron of honor and best man to their family's cabin in the woods for a little R and R in preparation for the big day. Steve is nervous about the situation considering Tina's obsessiveness about the wedding, and the fact that she doesn't get along with his sister Sarah, the matron of honor. And all that is put to the test when Steve is bitten by a mosquito carrying a zombie virus. Somewhat resistant to the infection, Steve is still mostly human, but he can't feel pain and has an insatiable need for brains. Meanwhile, two zombie hunters find out about Steve's unique condition and while one wants to cure him, the other wants to see him dead.

What I liked the most about A Little Bit Zombie was that it found its own way, and never seemed like it was trying too much, if at all, to be like Shaun of the Dead or any other zom-com. There's a small Evil Dead homage in one scene, but for the most part this movie found its own plot line, its own gags, and its own sense of humor that I've never seen before. Their take on the zombie story is somewhat different in that our main character Steve only becomes a little bit zombie and doesn't really want to hurt anyone but finds out that he must feed on brains - fresh human brains - or he will deteriorate physically.

The acting is really what sells this ridiculous story, and at the risk of over-exaggerating, everybody was dynamo. My favorite characters were Max and Penny, the zombie hunter and scientist who drive around in an old camper and refer to a glowing orb to let them know when a zombie is around. Underused actor Stephen McHattie and relative unknown Emilie Ullerup play absolutely beautifully off of each other with wonderful comedic timing and physicality. McHattie loves the zombie killing and fuels up for the fight by chowing down on some "Tactical Bacon" - hilarious.  Ullerup is kind of a bumbling brainy type who tries to keep Max in line, but she's equally hilarious in her own way. The incredible campy-ness of the movie is given real credibility by the acting of McHattie and Ullerup, and by the rest of the actors as well. The characters of Craig and Tina are sometimes exaggerated in their reactions and dialogue but it's all part of the tone and feeling of the movie. They're all good enough that it never gets too cheesy, and there's also never any lulls in the established tone.

Even though this is a zombie movie, there is hardly any gore to talk about. And surprisingly, I didn't mind it one bit. Max gets things started off right at the beginning with a funny scene of him and Penelope taking care of some zombies at a sideshow carnival. After that, it's not until the end that you see more gore, but it's not zombie related. The stuff that is zombie related in the movie has more to do with the comedy element and they came up with some really good ideas here. There are some wonderful scenes where the group scours a local meat shop to by some brains for Steve; a scene where Steve goes off into the wilderness to catch him some animal brains - and fails; and a great part where the girls Tina and Sarah get all hooker-ed out to go to a bar and find a "bad person" that Steve could kill and eat his brains. One of my favorite things was how Steve would would drool every time somebody said the word "brains" - and not just a little dribble from the corner of his mouth, either, a full-on half a cup of spit would spew out. I really appreciated the ingenuity from the filmmakers to go a little outside the box from what other zombie movies do and take a different route.

The ending is a bit of a surprise and not where I expected it to go at all but it was still a good end to a great zombie movie. I think horror fans and zombie fans will be able to enjoy and also appreciate A Little Bit Zombie, even if it doesn't have your typical zombies actually in it. The movie is hilarious and fresh and I think it really brings something great to the zombie genre.

Project Terrible: Buttcrack (1998)

Yeah, you read that right. I watched a movie called Buttcrack. I guess I should know by now that there's no getting out of my Project Terrible duties as far as Alec is concerned, so here we go. This pick is from Alex Jowski, and as you can probably tell by the title and the cover art, it is a god awful Troma picture (though actually not directed or written by Lloyd Kaufman) that is a blessedly short 67 minutes long. It's available on YouTube if you're wildly curious, but your time would probably be better spent getting a root canal or something.

Brian is desperate to spend some time alone with his girlfriend Annie, whom he wants to propose to, but his overweight and highly annoying roommate Wade keeps getting in the way. Wade's biggest offense is the fact that he can't kept his pants up, constantly showing his buttcrack. One day Brian gets so mad at Wade that he accidentally kills him, and Wade's sister puts a curse on him so that anyone who says the word "buttcrack" twelve times in one breath will bring Wade back to life so he can get revenge.

To put my feelings in the most eloquent way possible... OMFGTHAT'SSODUMBIWANTTOKILLEVERYONEWHOMADETHISMOVIE. I don't even really know what to say here - how could one measly hour hold so much awfulness? The term "low budget" doesn't even cover the almost non-existent production value, the actors who don't even try, or the filmmaking techniques that look like a child was behind the camera. Had I been in a better mood before I started watching this, I'm sure I would have found Buttcrack hilarious, and I know that you're supposed to. It's so ridiculous and stupid that it's not trying to be anything but ridiculous and stupid.

As possibly the most annoying person on the planet, the actor playing Wade is quite talented. Not only is he physically repulsive with his overhanging gut and unibrow (not to mention the buttcrack), he also has a super-annoying voice which he uses to sing horribly and talk non-stop about playing Atari. The other actors aren't any better. Brian's friend Ken is probably the worst because he can't seem to show any emotion at all and spends the whole movie with the same blank stare on his face. Brian's girlfriend Annie and her scrunchy face don't help anything either, and Brian himself is unattractive and dresses like he still loves 80s. Some idiot named Mojo Nixon takes his role as Preacher Man Bob very seriously, acting like the quintessential evangelical religious nut who has to speak at least five octaves above everybody else and has no control of his hands. They're bad. They're all bad.

I didn't even know that this was going to be a zombie movie, but when Wade awkwardly brings into a conversation with Brian that his sister is into voodoo, I knew that it was heading into that direction. Even though the movie is so short, you still have to wait until the last ten minutes or so for anything zombie-related to happen. And trust me, you've never heard anything like this before. Wade's offending buttcrack, which in once scene literally makes Annie vomit all over him, is actually what makes the people around him turn into zombies. Yup, just one look at that disgusting butt cleavage after Wade rises from the grave instantly turns several people (actually almost the whole cast because there's only about six of them) into zombies who for some reason develop nasty wounds out of nowhere in seconds.

And actually, the zombie effects were better than I was expecting considering the production value of the rest of the flick. In just a few minutes, they manage to pull off a guy getting his neck ripped out, a woman taking several gunshots to the face, and poor little zombie Wade getting one of his arms yanked off at the shoulder. So I was mildly impressed by that. Not much else.

At the end of the movie we get the most unnecessary scene of some people visiting Wade's grave a year later because he's become some sort of local legend. They then proceed to give the audience a recap of everything that just happened in the movie. It was three minutes ago. Do you really think we could ever forget what we just saw??? They say "buttcrack" again twelve times and the last shot is Wade's hand coming out of the grave again. Oh thank goodness, it's over. If you know what's good for you, you will never, ever watch this movie.

Movie Review: Doghouse (2009)

Okay, somehow my review of Doghouse got "reverted to draft" so I have to publish it again... Scroll down for the movie review I meant to post this morning - V/H/S 2!

Hmm, what to think of Doghouse? Some of me likes the movie for what it does right, but the rest of me is still having a problem with the things it gets wrong. Feminists and others of similar beliefs will probably have a problem with the movie, too, because the overall theme of the movie is kind of anti-woman, mostly in regards to how they treat men in relationships. For the most part, though, Doghouse is still a pretty good, gory flick that is worth at least one viewing. I guess you just shouldn't take it so seriously.

Trying to help a buddy through a painful divorce, six friends travel to the tiny, isolated town of Moodley, where the women outnumber the men. As soon as they arrive, however, they find out that their plan of drinking heavily and chasing tail is not going to happen because the women of Moodley are sick with a dangerous virus that makes them very violent and hungry for the flesh of the men.

One thing that the movie really gets right is the blood and guts. Gorehounds sniffing for something good will probably like what they see in Doghouse. There are tons of gags involving axes, SuperSoakers, radio controlled cars, swords, and golf clubs. The effects are practical, which is of course always welcome, and there are some really great looking shots of men who have been cut open and gutted. Very realistic. The look of the infected women is also fun, with their red eyes, sharp teeth and bumpy faces. Later on, they go through a second phase of the virus which makes them mutate a little more - long, nasty fingernails, for one - and also makes them stronger and more intelligent. All the actresses playing these chicks were truly fantastic, really going crazy in their roles and playing very effective zombie-like monsters. Miss Scissorhands (or "The Snipper" as she's actually credited) particularly stood out for me.

The comedy element is really where the film falters a bit. There are a couple of lines and situations that were funny and got a chuckle out of me, but mostly I was listening to the dialogue and thinking that I knew that they were trying to be funny and it just wasn't working on me for some reason. The problem was with the actors' execution and line delivery which was sometimes deadpan and lacked any physicality. Of course it's funny when three of the guys dress up in ladies' clothes to try to sneak their way through the horde, and actually pretty much the whole movie is absurd enough to be laughable, but the comedy still could have used some tweaking. Other than that, I enjoyed the actors in their roles and despite all of them having something annoying about their personalities, they make themselves be likable by being very cute and charming. There are also some moments where their brotherhood and love for each other shows, and that was cute.

Okay, the woman thing. Thinking about it a little bit more, I can see both sides of what they were doing here. At the beginning of the film, the audience is given a little introduction for each of our six guys specifically related to their problems with the women in their lives (they're all in the "doghouse" I guess). Their women are bitches who yell and throw things at them, so it's no wonder why they would want some guy time. The virus in Moodley only affects the women and the only people they want to kill are the men. The infected women are not even wearing normal clothes, but rather more like costumes of different stereotypical women - there's a bride, a dominatrix with big tits and a bigger sword, a schoolgirl in pigtails, a fat housewife, etc. There's even a point in the movie, when the men have some downtime from their fight to get out of Moodley, where they actually talk about how hot some of the infected women are! Oh, boys, you're unbelievable.

On the other hand, though, there are tons of movies about men doing wrong to women and about how evil and violent men can be towards women. Why not a movie about nice guys getting shit on by women? It happens, and these guys chose to deal with it and finally bring that male aggression to the surface. And really, it's easy not to take the misogyny seriously when you look at just how they chose to deal with it - flesh-eating crazies that are barely still human. It's a ridiculous extreme that's not even a very good metaphor for the types of women that these guys have to deal with in their real lives.

So I guess I'm giving Doghouse a half thumbs-up. It mostly gets the job done of being an enjoyable horror comedy, despite it not really being all that funny to me. The movie is just crazy and gory enough to be enjoyable for a lot of horror fans. Men, if you've had a bad breakup or something recently, I say give Doghouse a watch for a feel good time. Your women probably won't feel the same way, though.

Movie Review: V/H/S 2 (2013)

I'm really starting to fall in love with anthologies, and I'm so glad that people haven't forgotten about this film sub-genre, especially when it comes to horror movies. As with pretty much all anthologies, though, things are going to be hit or miss when it comes to ranking the different segments. The same was true with 2012's V/H/S which had a few shorts that I loved and the rest... eh, not so much, but the overall film was pretty awesome. And obviously popular, because now here we are with V/H/S 2 (argh, they should've stuck with "S-VHS") and it has one returning director and four new ones helming five segments, one less than the previous film.

Tape 49

Directed by Simon Barrett

Tape 49 serves as the wraparound narrative for V/H/S 2. Two private investigators, Larry and Ayesha, break into a house to look for a women's missing son. They don't find him but they do find a house full old VHS tapes and a video that the young man made. Ayesha sits down to watch some of the tapes while Larry investigates. There's not a whole lot to this wraparound until the end, but even then it doesn't make much sense and fails to really explain what is going on. As Ayesha continues to watch the  tapes, it starts to affect her in a strange way, plus a figure keeps appearing in the background of the room in which she's watching them. The ending to this segment is delightfully gruesome but all the unanswered questions (what the hell was happening to Ayesha? Why did the mother send the PIs there?) bothered me a little bit. I did like the fucked up motivation of the son's to make his own insane VHS tape like the ones he's been watching and collecting, however, this could have been fleshed out a lot more.

Phase I Clinical Trials

Directed by Adam Wingard

Director Adam Wingard stars as his own main character in Phase I Clinical Trials as a man who suffered an eye injury in a car accident and is participating in the testing of a new kind of camera eye. Though he has his sight back, the patient soon finds out that his new eye also allows him to see other things - things he never wanted to see in the first place. This short plays out like a typical ghost story with a lot of "boo!" jump scares that you can see coming a mile away. Though some of the imagery is rightfully creepy, like the shape of a body under his covers and the look of the actual bionic eye whenever the man looks in the mirror, things get weird when a strange woman shows up. She has a cochlear implant and can hear or sense the ghosts instead of seeing him like our main character can, and other than to explain what is happening to him, she doesn't serve much of a purpose. After that there's a bit of a chase leading up to a supposedly shocking climax that doesn't really manage to shock at all. Phase I Clinical Trials gets the award for figuring out a way to do the found footage in a totally new way and for the ending, but I'm still a little "meh" about this one. I would say that this short could be better if given a longer time limit but the basic premise has pretty much already been done with The Eye (no, not you, Jessica Alba... go away).

Still love both Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett though because they are so my homeboys. Can't wait to see You're Next.

*UPDATE* Watched You're Next last night and really liked it! Review hopefully coming soon...

A Ride in the Park

Directed by Eduardo Sanchez and Gregg Hale

I have no idea who these two directors are but now I know that I like their style. Mike is a bicyclist going out for ride through the woods and for some reason he has a camera on his helmet and somewhere on the handlebars of his bike, pointing at him. Anywho, he comes across a woman who asks him for help but ends up attacking him and turning him into a zombie. So now we get a short from the point of view of a zombie, which turns out to be strangely gruesome, funny, and sad at the same time. This is one of the best looking shorts of the bunch with many shots that are framed perfectly (the accompanying picture is my favorite) and some nice gore work as Mike chomps down on some victims - and himself - even pulling out some intestines in one scene. The funny part comes when he tries to eat the guy's wallet and spits it out. That was cute. I'm not so sure about the whole zombie-still-remembers-love thing by the end of the short but it worked on me in the moment, and made for a better ending than just somebody else putting him down with a gun. All in all, a very good little tale that I quite enjoyed. Thumbs up!

Safe Haven

Directed by Timo Tjahjanto and Gareth Huw Evans

Okay, let's all just stand up right now and applaud these guys, because Safe Haven was beyond words awesome. Perhaps that is a little unfair seeing as how this is the longest segment of the five and therefore had a lot more room to develop and show us lots of cool stuff, but damn, did it ever deserve it. The story follows a news crew as they film and interview the "father" of a cult called Paradise Gates. After entering their compound and getting deeper into the community, things soon get seriously out of hand for our characters. I was definitely expecting something weird to happen with the whole cult thing, but not anything like this. There are so many amazing moments that happen here - the throat slashing (which I both love and hate at the same time), the body exploding, the room of guys who commit suicide, not to mention the full-grown fucking demon climbing out of a woman's stomach. Effects work is fantastic all the way through and looks so realistic that the VHS quality actually makes it look even more awesome, you know? Safe Haven is pretty much an all around amazing little bit of filmmaking right here. The acting, the story, the fantastic effects that just get more surprising with each new scene... all leading up another great conclusion that actually had me laughing my head off from pure enjoyment.

Slumber Party Alien Abduction

Directed by Jason Eisener

As the last segment in this anthology, Slumber Party Alien Abduction is severely misplaced. Knowing the title before I saw it kind of ruined the surprise for me but there's still a lot wrong with this segment. A group of kids are making mischief and filming it while their parents are gone, when, duh, aliens land and come after them. Yawn. Despite being young and innocent kids, the characters are all unlikable and annoying. The camera mounted on the family dog is no doubt inventive and a good way to explain how they are still filming while being chased by aliens, but it's still weird. The aliens themselves are your typical grey boys with bald heads and long limbs, so there's nothing new or fun there. The short is also too short! There's a little bit of a set up and then most of the exciting stuff is just a quick chase sequence where not much else happens. I'm bored. Order is definitely important in an anthology, people, and this one did not deserve to be last.

V/H/S 2 is a step up from its predecessor in a few ways, with more likable characters and bringing the number of segments down by one so that some of the better shorts have more room to breathe. Two of the shorts are fairly weak (Tape 49 and Slumber Party Alien Abduction) while the other three are much more successful. Is V/H/S 3 coming soon then? Well, technically this series could go on forever because they are only linked by format instead of story, and I'd be more than happy to see more of this kind of stuff in the future.

Movie Review: Aftershock (2012)

As a blind Netflix watch, Aftershock was more of a joy than I could have hoped for. I remember hearing about this output from Eli Roth quite a while ago, but then... nothing. And it's really a shame because though Roth left the directing to Nicolas Lopez this time, his work as co-writer, producer, and actor came together to make a movie that is not only very different from his previous films, but also far more mature and intriguing.

A group of friends vacationing in Chile are partying at a nightclub when a devastating earthquake hits. They escape the rubble and make it to the streets, but the city is in chaos, especially when the tsunami warning sirens start going off. While trying to get a severely injured friend to the hospital and make it to safety themselves, the group finds more and more dangers lurking, because the quake has also caused a local prison to collapse and now the criminals are free, taking advantage of the situation to cause more chaos.

Disaster movies already inherently have a touch of horror in them, and Aftershock manages to break the mold on both on both genres by continuously giving us plot twists that are unexpected. You can guess who is going to live or die and when, but you'll be wrong. The setup before the earthquake happens lets you figure out who you like as you meet the bumbling Gringo, the gregarious Pollo, the comic relief Ariel, the sweet Irina, the party girl Kylie, and the wetblanket Monica. How exactly they all know each other and came to be together is not really explained but together they're a fun group. Shot entirely in Chile, the locations are gorgeous and colorful, a great contrast to the tempered hues in the last half of the film. 

So I feel like I've been really unfair to Eli Roth. I've said before that though I like his movies a lot, he kind of annoys me as a person. I saw him as being somewhat arrogant and full of himself, and maybe that was just a weird form of jealousy. As a writer and specifically as an actor, Roth proves himself to me with Aftershock. As the character known only as Gringo, he is more likable than I've ever seen him before and his acting skills have hit an all-time high. He is sincere and at times heartbreaking, especially in the scene where he is trapped under a pillar and confronted by the group of prisoners who want to rape the girls. This is where the movie might lose some people, but this scene and a few others are saved from being overly horrible by showing a lot of heart for the characters, maybe even some that you didn't like at first.

There is gore aplenty in Aftershock both from the earthquake devastation and the human rampage. I've heard some say that the film has a bit of an "exploitative" streak, but I didn't get that feeling at all, even after reading that Aftershock at first received an NC-17 rating. Even the rape scenes are not terribly graphic and in fact, I was more disturbed by the part where one character is burned alive because, well, fire is terrifying and not the best way to go out. There's also some business with axes and guns and hands getting torn off, and it's all done well and realistically. Except the CGI fire which I understand in that situation couldn't have been avoided. The city disaster scenes are also well shot and quite beautiful. Locations from the real earthquake that happened in Chile in 2010 were apparently used (though I don't know which ones) which gives the story a whole other sense of realism. Lopez and Roth actually developed the idea for the movie from the true experiences of Lopez after that disaster. 

When the final survivor escapes onto the beach, you know the big ending that is coming but you are still happy to see it. All in all, a satisfying conclusion to a movie I didn't know much about and probably never would have if I hadn't given it the chance it deserves.  

But seriously, what was with the dead aborted babies side story? It only has resonance with one character, and it doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the plot. It's good for one last shock and gross-out, but really kind of uncalled for.

Movie Review: Airborne (2012)

A recent impending snowy night was the perfect recipe for a movie night, and though I did not watch what I had initially intended too, the two films I chose turned out to be very nice surprises. First up was Airborne, a 2012 British film that is more of a thriller-mystery than horror with a bit of a strange twist that will probably piss off most people. Sometimes I guess I'm just too easy to please.

During a terrible storm, the last plane of the night takes off from Britain heading toward JFK in New York City. And what should be an easy flight with very few passengers slowly becomes anything but when passengers start to go missing and the plane starts to deviate from its intended destination. On the ground, an air traffic controller working his last night before retirement tries to help the people in the air when they are unable to contact the pilots and the plane disappears off the radar.

This movie caught my eye because the basic plot is one that I absolutely love and can't seem to get enough of - a small cast in one location for the majority of the movie. Each of the characters gets their own chance to stand out here but plot is what drives Airborne. And while the movie takes its sweet ass time working through some of the tropes of similar flicks, I couldn't help but completely enjoy the plot as it was being unfolded, despite the fact that they kept me in the dark about just what the hell was going on for most of the flick. I sort of like a movie to frustrate me to a point because, hey, at least it's keeping me interested.

Airborne is another one of those movies that's not fantastic but it's not horrible either. There's enough skill, talent, and seriousness here to warrant Airborne at least one watch to see if you like what it has to offer. If anything, you'll probably enjoy seeing none other than Mark Hamill in the role of the retiring air traffic controller Malcolm in a rare movie appearance. All of the cast are really on their game for this movie and it's part of what helps make it such an enjoyable ride.

The only thing about the characters that really made me scoff was the seemingly requisite horny young couple who mentions the Mile High Club roughly two minutes into the flight. Not only is that an instant spoiler that these two people will most definitely die, it is so freaking overused in any kind of movie that involves a plane. Come up with something new, seriously. My favorite character was the secretive, older businessman who travels with two bodyguards and says "fuck" every other word. Perhaps that should be annoying, but the guy had me in stitches with every line. Loved him. The director Dominic Burns also makes an appearance as the talkative passenger Bob, and Simon Phillips is perhaps the most likable character as Alan Fletcher. Each actor plays well to the whodunnit angle of the story, as they all at one point seem like they could be killer.

I have to talk about the twist now, so if you get all pissy about spoilers, this is your chance to run. The whole thing going on here is that the SIS (Secret Intelligence Service - the British CIA, I guess) is using the plane to transport an ancient Chinese vase to be sold overseas, and one of the stewardesses and her partner have plotted to detour the plane to South America where they will sell the vase to some drug lords and leave the rest of the passengers to be killed by them, as well. WHEW. Well actually, that's not it. The vase in question also happens to hold the soul of an ancient god that possesses people and makes them either kill themselves or other people. The strangest part about all this, though, is that when it all comes out, it's not as stupid as it should be. It's all handled in a strangely classy enough way so it wasn't even a problem at all.

Airborne turned out to be just my kind of movie. It's a good mystery with a more than competent cast to keep the plot thick and interesting right up until the somewhat ballsy conclusion.

Movie Review: The People Under the Stairs (1991)

This isn't my first rodeo with The People Under the Stairs. I've seen it many times before many years ago, but when I saw it pop up on my Netflix suggestions, I thought it deserved another, fresher view. I knew that there was more to remember about this movie than just Ving Rhames's outfit. That hat is really hard to forget. Anyway, The People Under the Stairs is for sure an odd little flick, with a strange mesh of horror and comedy that doesn't always work the way it's supposed to. However, there's still enough of the good here and there to make it at least an interesting romp for horror fans.

After receiving an eviction notice from their ghetto apartment, young kid Fool helps his sister's friend Leroy break into their landlords's - the Robesons - house in order to steal a stash of gold coins they are rumored to have inside. They soon find themselves trapped in the fortress-like home with a pair of maniacal siblings who call themselves Mommy and Daddy, their bloodthirsty Rottweiler Prince, and Alice, their meek daughter who has only survived by following Mommy and Daddy's strict rules. The pair also keep a group of feral young boys locked in the basement, where they have been starved into cannibalism.

I've claimed before that Wes Craven is my favorite horror director. The dude has definitely got some classics under his belt - don't think I even need to name them here - but the dude has also got some downright weird and downright awful films in his oeuvre as well. The People Under the Stairs is not one of the classics, nor is it one of the awful ones either. Maybe it's not for everyone or maybe not everyone will really "get" it (I'm not even really sure that I get it) which is precisely why I think this one deserves a closer look. Like I said it's an odd duck. The Netflix description mentions it being like a fairy tale, and I think that's true. If there's a specific fairy tale this is based on, I don't know it, but I do see very fairy tale-like or fantastical elements in the story - the quest of the young hero, the evil stepparents, the treasure, the morality explanation at the end. Craven brings his own dose of twisted reality to this sorta-classic story and, thus, The People Under the Stairs was born.

Just to get this out of the way first, the biggest problem I have with the overall movie is the constant conflict of emotions in relation to what is happening. The way this normal house has turned into a fortress that no one can get out of, the fact that Mommy and Daddy have never been caught for any of the crazy shit they do, etc. leans me more toward liking the movie for its over-the-top whackiness that you couldn't possibly ever take seriously. But I know Wes Craven, and I know how he likes to throw in some kind of element, even subtly, to make the audience really uncomfortable, if only for a moment. It's hilarious watching Daddy wear full S&M gear to chase Roach through the house with a shotgun (that no one in the neighborhood hears until he fires it outside - whatevs). But then there's that shot of Daddy grabbing his crotch while in the attic where Alice is tied up alone. There's the horrible abuse that Alice suffers under Mommy, like scalding hot baths. Maybe you just can't let yourself to think that deeply about what's really going on here in order to enjoy the movie.

And there definitely is a lot to enjoy here, don't get me wrong. Mommy and Daddy, played by Wendy Robie and Everett McGill, are gloriously grotesque in their performances. They are very crazy, of course, but also slimy and weird enough in a way that makes you kinda like them because they are able to become hilarious fodder for Fool and Roach throughout the course of the movie. The amount of times they are able to overcome Daddy makes it almost slapstick and helps to ease a bit of the aforementioned uncomfortableness. The performance by the child playing Fool left a bit to be desired as his reactions to some things were not very believable sometimes, but he's definitely cute and memorable as the smart-talking ghetto kid who decides to take on the Robesons. A.J. Langer as Alice ("My So-Called Life, FTW) was probably my favorite as her performance was spot on in every on of her scenes.

The setting is definitely another talking point. The house that these supposedly "rich" people of the neighborhood live in is quite large though it doesn't look it from the outside, but very unkempt on the inside. Strange contradiction there. The house is also an almost unbelievable labyrinthine castle with crawlspaces between the walls, secret doors everywhere, and lots of strange and dangerous contraptions (the stairs, the spikes through the walls, the chute that the dog goes down). I loved it. Minus the cannibals in the basement and the crazy people owning it, this was almost like my dream house because it looked like it could be so much fun to live there. Clean it up a bit with some new paint, and I would totally be playing around in those crawlspaces, I'm not even joking. The house is another character in the story, and the way that it constantly changes on us is a way to keep the story interesting throughout because this is basically our only real location for the movie.

Survey says that despite an uneven tone, generally, The People Under the Stairs is kinda awesome. I didn't get into the gore in my review but when it's there it's pretty good... even though there could have been more. The movie is kooky, and I love kooky, so I'm giving this one a thumbs up.