Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

The only word to describe my feelings right now is giddy. Thinking about what I saw in the movie theater yesterday, I still have a gigantic smile on my face and I just have to say that I am so goshdarn happy to be a horror fan right now. My love and loyalty to Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon (and in the same way, director Drew Goddard, who was also a great writer for Buffy) had given me complete faith that he would make a movie I would love, so The Cabin in the Woods was one of those movies where I completely avoided reading even a single word about it (I never watched the teaser trailer either) before heading to the theater today. And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly the way this movie needs to be seen!

I can't talk about how much I love this movie without spoiling pretty much everything so if you haven't seen it yet, you need to get off your ass and go do that right now. I think this review is going to be more about what the movie does and how it is different rather than something analyzing the acting and effects like I usually do anyway. That might have to come later.

So basically all I knew about The Cabin in the Woods was that it was a horror movie, there were people in a cabin in the woods, and Joss Whedon was involved. But right from the beginning of the movie, I realized that I was dealing with a bit more than that. The opening credit sequence starts out familiar enough, all dark and with blood spattering over the screen, then it immediately shifts to a scene of a mundane office conversation between two middle-aged dudes. Huhhhhhh? How is this related to the movie we think we're going to see? But as the tagline suggests, this is not the typical horror movie story you think you know.

Indeed, "Huh?" is what you will be asking yourself throughout most of the film, as the scenes in the strange office building are interspersed with the scenes of our five cliche college students heading to the cabin for a weekend of fun - the nice girl, the nice guy, the jock, the sexy girl, and the pothead. As the cliches kept coming at me (especially in the scene where the group stops for gas at an old, abandoned station and meets the crazy townie who warns them of the cabin) I was getting annoyed and disappointed at my pal Joss Whedon. Joss, what the hell are you doing with all these stereotypes? I know for a fact that you are way better than this! Oh, little did I know that that was his exact intention. While it takes a while for the truth to be revealed, the payoff was beyond anything that I ever expected. I admit, I was mightily frustrated there for a bit, not knowing what was going on, but when I sat back and just let it happen, believe me I was more than satisfied.

The entire concept for this movie was simply GENIUS. Other movies have of course already poked fun at (but still been respectful of) those same old scenarios and characters and rules that prevail in a wide range of both classic and modern horror films. The Cabin in the Woods takes that about 10 steps further. Here, we have an entire company with a full staff watching the five potential victims in the cabin, and doing everything they can to make sure that these kids actually follow the standard horror movie cliches. Reading the Latin from the diary, going off into the woods to have sex, going for a walk by yourself, splitting the group up when they should be sticking together - it's all here. The kids are secretly given drugs to make them act like the stereotype they're supposed to be and the company has complete control over everything in the environment inside and outside of the cabin to make the situation go the way they want it to.

To really get the situation moving, the company gets the kids to go down into the cellar, where there lies a myriad of strange objects, most of them seemingly innocuous. The kids don't know that each object holds the power to raise a certain kind of foe that will eventually kill them - a ghost, a Pinhead-like torturer, a werewolf. All these monsters are owned by the company, deep underground underneath the cabin itself, lying in wait for their turn to be chosen. Dana reads from a diary first and thus the choice is made. The kids are now fighting against a "zombie redneck torture family" and the company's mission is almost complete. Finding out just what their final goal is is half the fun of watching the movie, and I hope that everybody loved it just as much as I did.

I cannot wait to get this movie on DVD so that I can catch up on all the little jokes that I probably missed. In the huge wide shot where they show all the cubes with the different monsters in them, I was frantically trying to catch a glimpse at what all was in there. A giant tarantula, two little twin girls, and other unrecognizable creatures are the only ones I can remember. Likewise in the scene where the winner of the betting pool was announced, I was listening to the dialogue whilst trying to quickly read all the possible monster scenarios on the dry erase board behind Richard Jenkins.

On that note, I have to say that the characters and the actors playing them in the unnamed company were far more enjoyable than the kids in the cabin. Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford were a hilarious duo that I couldn't get enough of. Jenkins's comedic genius is untouchable; I have loved all of his performances in a variety of roles. Buffy and Angel fans will really get a kick out of seeing Amy Acker and Tom Lenk in supporting roles, the latter one being just as charming and funny as his Buffy character, Andrew.

The bad thing about The Cabin in the Woods is that it mostly caters to a specific audience, I believe. Mainstream audiences probably do know about all these horror movie staples that are introduced and played with in this movie (perhaps because Scream flat-out told them about some of them) but overall the ones who will appreciate it the most are horror fans. The audience I was with in the theater, though small, was most likely not comprised of others like me because they never laughed or showed any kind of understanding once through the whole thing. In the climactic and freaking awesome scene where the monsters are released from their boxes and all holy hell breaks loose, I was laughing my ass off, silently clapping, and wanting to stand up and cheer my absolute approval. Everybody else? Hardly any reaction at all. It made me a little sad.

But forget about them. This movie made me so stoked and excited about horror again. I don't think it necessarily "reinvented" the genre as other reviewers are suggesting, but I think it might be a "refresher" of sorts. It's one of the most original ideas to come to horror in a long time, and it serves as a reminder that horror doesn't have to ever die. With this genre, we can go as far out there as we want to with stories and concepts for future horror movies. We can use the tried and true methods for making a successful and gory film (i.e. five kids going to a cabin in the woods) but we can twist it into something completely different. Or we can learn from this movie and stay away from those stereotypes and continue to think of fresh, exciting ideas. It is possible, and Whedon and Goddard proved that with this stellar and mind-blowingly impressive film. I think it's going to be one to talk about and look back on for years to come.

Movie Review: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Alright, y'all, it's time to get down to brass tacks about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am one of the biggest fans of the Buffy TV show EVER. Seen every episode so many GD times it's hard to count. I love Joss Whedon and his other TV shows (well except Dollhouse, I could never really get into that even though I have a mad girl-crush on Eliza Dushku). I also know that he and most of his fans have perhaps never been too pleased with the original film that the show is based on. Me... I've actually always loved the movie for what it turned out to be and see it as separate from the show.

Vamp plot: Buffy (Kristy Swanson) is a vapid L.A. girl whose life revolves around cheerleading and shopping. Her priorities are almost nil until she's visited one day by a strange man named Merrick (Donald Sutherland) who tells her that she is the next in a long line of girls chosen to hunt and kill vampires - the slayer. But she better be ready to accept her fate, because the vampire king Lothos (Rutger Hauer) is in town and he's coming after her.

Buffy was different from other vampire movies. No longer was the girl the victim, helpless against the blood-suckers. She was the fighter, the one protecting the men, the one person in the world who had the strength and skill to kill vampires. This slayer in particular, Buffy, has her own life and her own way of doing things. She has the confidence and the cajones to be herself and live up to her birthright which in a weird way makes her a good role model. Van Helsing this girl is NOT.

This movie has an amazing cast, if only because of the careers these people would have or had, with maybe the exception of Kristy Swanson, whose other roles I can't immediately recall. I mean here we have Donald Sutherland, Rutger Hauer, Luke Perry, David Arquette, Hilary Swank, Paul Ruebens, Natasha Gregson Wagner, and even Ricki Lake and Ben Affleck in two small and uncredited roles.

As a teen comedy (maybe with a little romance thrown in there) the movie is successful. Quirky one-liners and pop culture references abound, all very quotable, of course. The comedy is perhaps dated - okay, it's A LOT dated ("Get out of my facial!" "What's the sitch?") but fans of Joss Whedon can probably still immediately recognize his signature wit and other crazy use of the English language.

There is nothing particularly genius or well done about the camera work or effects or anything. It's all what you would expect from a campy teen comedy with vampires, including the super-cheesy smoke/fog effect which I absolutely HATE. It doesn't look real, people, so please retire that ridiculous fog machine, it's really unnecessary.

The look of the vamps is straightforward: mostly human-looking save for the pointy teeth (which on some of them looks way too big for their mouths) and pointy ears. Rutger Hauer as Lothos perhaps acts a bit overly - I think Joss even called his performance ridiculous and goofy - but I found the fight sequences one of the biggest disappointments. Buffy is not nearly as strong as she should be and the choreography is sloppy.

Kristy Swanson pulls off the title role well, both as a vacuous Valley girl and as a young woman with new, enormous responsibilities. She has spunk and vulnerability at the same time. Luke Perry is okay, nothing different than what you remember from 90210, probably. Donald Sutherland is, well... he's Donald Sutherland. And he's got some great moments of comedy and suave in this movie. The best part is when he's talking to Buffy in the locker room right before he throws the knife at her and he does this weird move where he flicks up the ends of his mustache with his fingertips. I kinda loved that. Paul Ruebens as Lothos's sidekick Amilyn is the next biggest highlight, for while he's quite creepy looking as a vampire, he is also amazingly hilarious.

So I'm sorry, Joss Whedon, I love you and all but you can be a real prick when you talk about how much you hate this movie. From the ideas that were eventually explored on the TV show, I can see what you really had in mind for this movie to mean and it just didn't get there. I see that, I really do. But hindsight is 20-20, darling, and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer actually turned out to be a great jumping off point for the art you really wanted to make so why can't you accept the film for what it is and how it represents the time? It started a great tradition and a fantastic TV show, so seriously, quit your bitching. The movie is hilarious and PeeWee Herman is a one-armed vampire with hair like the dudes from Poison. I like it, and gosh darn it, I'm going to keep liking it for the rest of my life probably.