Similarly Titled Films: Orphan and The Orphanage

Out of ideas for a creepy horror movie? Usually, all you have to do is add a creepy little kid and you're set. And there's no shortage of creepy kids in both of the above mentioned films, Orphan and The Orphanage. Thematically and stylistically, the films couldn't be more different - one is a thriller and the other is a ghost story - but both films are fantastic.

"I totally figured out Esther's secret before it was revealed."

Bullcheese. Anybody who says that is lying like a lawyer. If you really and truly did figure it out, kudos to you. But you missed out on all the fun of watching the film for the first time. I never figured out Esther's secret, and I think the filmmakers were banking on no one else knowing it either. Perhaps they watch more episodes of DiscoveryHealth than the rest of us. The fun of the movie is based entirely on wondering what the crap is up with this freakishly knowledgeable 9-year-old. Is she a Damien-like evil? A Good Son-like evil? Is she a witch? Is it supernatural at all?

In Orphan, Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga have just lost their third baby and decide to fill the void by adopting. On Meet-an-Orphan Day, they come across Esther, the shy one who stays away from everybody. "I guess I'm just different." Yes, well, that's one way of putting it. Weird accidents happen when Esther's around and she develops a fascination with Peter Sarsgaard (who wouldn't??!!) whilst driving Vera Farmiga crazy. Esther is even evil enough to make the little deaf girl her cohort in crime, but what is her ultimate goal? Who is Esther, really? And what the fuck is her secret??

The film is executed extremely well, more so than I expected. I thought it was going to be another run-of-the-mill thriller with nothing really special going on. I was wrong. A brutal murder, a burning tree house, a freak-out in the bathroom, a little girl that was waaaay too manipulative to be real all come together in a unique and chilling way. The addition of the little deaf girl, Max, was an interesting choice, but helped in making Esther appear more sinister. Max's brother, Daniel, obviously loves his sister even though he doesn't know sign language all that well. Esther either already knew it or picks up on quickly because she uses it to pull helpless Max away from the rest of her family and keep Esther's secrets (but not her BIG secret).

The parents have their usual relationship problems, which Esther also exploits. The mother, Kate, is an alcoholic and has made mistakes with the children in the past. When Esther starts causing trouble, the father, John, has a hard time believing Kate and makes more rifts in their relationship. Why is it always the mother who knows the truth in these movies? Why is the father always so quick to disbelieve his wife? I've never seen a movie where it was the other way around. Anyway, it makes for good drama and moves the story along as Kate tries to delve into Esther's past and find out just what kind of monster they've brought into their home.

Creepy smart kids always seem to know how to play piano.

You can't talk about this movie without mentioning the performance of Isabelle Fuhrman as Esther. She is wonderful, and I have yet to read anything that says otherwise. Her accent sounds a little funny, but she did the best she could. Her acting and facial expressions, however, are top notch and she truly acts more like an adult than a child. The other child actors were very impressive and worked well together in their scenes. I love me some Peter Sarsgaard and he does not disappoint as the father who makes all the wrong decisions and has himself and his family pay dearly for it. I'd never seen Vera Farmiga (at least, not that I recall) before Orphan and again, I was impressed. She carries the film well and I wouldn't mind seeing more of her as an actress.

Call it ludicrous or not scary enough, but I think Orphan is one good little thriller. I was genuinely shocked at some of the final actions (SPOILERS), like Daniel becoming seriously hurt in the tree house fire and Peter Sarsgaard getting his ass kicked by Esther (and dying!! I never thought she would actually kill him; that was a true surprise). The final fight scene is done pretty well, with an ironic death for Esther. Ironic, that is, for Kate, seeing as how she almost lost Max the same way once before.

I say two thumbs up. Enjoy the ride of this latest installment to the Killer/Evil Kid canon. It's not perfect, but not horrible either. A well done thriller with some great actions and twists.

Without a doubt, the more superior film is The Orphanage, a superb Spanish ghost story from producer Guillermo Del Toro. A fellow horror fan on another website recommended this fantastic flick to me and I am forever grateful to him, because I absolutely fell in love with The Orphanage from the very first frame.

Laura is moving her husband, Carlos, and adopted child, Simon, back into the orphanage she grew up in to make a home for handicapped children. Simon is an imaginative child whose has a penchant for creating imaginary friends. Soon he claims to have made five more friends in the house who like to play games with him. Simon goes missing on the day the handicapped children arrive for a party, and after months of no clues to his disappearance, Laura starts having supernatural experiences of her own, ignited even more by a visit from spiritual medium. And in order to find her son, she must play along and solve the mystery of the orphanage.

The Orphanage has so many amazing things going for it that I don't even know where to start. The atmosphere, the acting, the setting, the way all the clues and homages come together all just blow my mind. It's a ghost story and a mystery. It's scary and emotionally heart-wrenching. It's a spectacularly metaphorical tale of love and loss, but also of hope and dreams. The film is more like a fairy tale at times, making references to many kids' stories like Hansel and Gretel and Peter Pan. The most tension-filled and well-directed part of the film comes when Laura plays a game similar to Red Light, Green Light with the ghost children of her past.

Ghost Hunters International: We're ready to believe you!

Can I talk about this scene for a minute? And how it creeped me the fuck out? Okay. The first scene of the movie is of Laura as a little girl at the orphanage playing this game with the other children. When Laura must contact the children again as ghosts to find out where Simon is, she brings them out by playing the game in the house. Her back is turned to the rest of the room as she knocks on the wall the first time. The camera does not cut, but rather pans with Laura's turning of her head each time she repeats the phrase. Of course, you're expecting to see some creepy ghost children turn up and hoo doggy, do they turn up. This was the best scene of the movie and at first I thought it would have been creepy if we hear little kid's feet running or something, but I was wrong. There is almost no sound in this scene, therefore you don't know where the kids will be the next time she turns around or how close they will be to her, making it far more creepy and tense. A+ on this scene! I love it.

Anyway, like I was saying before, I pretty much love everything about this movie. It's a little long, and more drawn out in getting to its conclusion, but hopefully you stick around because it has one of the best and most heart-breaking conclusions of any film I've seen. Leading up to it is a compelling double-mystery around the orphanage, a woman who used to work there, and her son, whom Laura saw the day her own son disappeared and who she believes is responsible for what happened to him. Laura never gives up on solving the mystery either of her friends who died tragically after she left the orphanage, or her son. But it has been so many months, how is it possible that Laura will find Simon alive?

There is only the slightest touch of gore in The Orphanage, and it is a most memorable one. The strange woman who comes to visit Laura, Benigna, meets a most disgusting demise, that is grotesque in its imagery and also a huge loss for our heroine - as Benigna, was perhaps the one person who could tell Laura happened to her son. 

The cinematography is beautiful, with a greyish-blue tone throughout the film, similar to the uniforms worn by the orphans. Sound design is phenomenal and crucial to the success of some scenes. Sound always seems to be wickedly important in ghost films, but knowing how and when to use sound for the greatest effect is pretty much an art in and of itself. The progression of the story is quite impressive. Everything is set up in the beginning and some scenes and lines practically give the ending away, which makes the film perfect for a second or 274th viewing; not only because the movie rocks, but because you can pick up on the clues and gain more of an appreciation for the story. 

I need more than two thumbs to rate this movie. It is simply one of the best supernatural thriller-mystery dramas I have and will ever see. 

Prepare to be Jealous...

If you were watching TNT on Saturday nights from the mid to late 90s, you were watching one of the greatest movie/variety shows to have ever aired: MonsterVision with Joe Bob Briggs. I wasn't as into horror films back then as I am now, but MonsterVision was hella fun because of its host and the sometimes obscure movies they would show - not always horror but usually highly entertaining.

So during the show's run, I went to the TNT website to see where I might be able to send Joe Bob some of that mail he read on the show. When I emailed him, get this: he emailed back. Like, a couple of times. I kept asking him stupid questions about what it was like to get yelled at by Robert DeNiro in Casino and mentioning something about his bit part in Face/Off. He was cool about answering my emails and appreciative of the compliments I gave about his knowledge of the movies they would play on MonsterVision.

I honestly can't remember if I asked for it or not, but I got something in the mail one day with the TNT logo on the return address. It was this (pay no attention to the weirdo behind the picture):

That's Joe Bob! He sent me an autographed photo, saying "To Michele [that's me], sweetest gal in Missouri. Joe Bob." Seriously, how cool is that? And he actually spelled my name right, too. Some members of my family still can't get that pesky one "L" thing right. I thought the picture had gotten lost in a recent move, but I found it a few days ago and wanted to share it with you guys.

You're jealous, right? Well, if I weren't me, I'd be jealous.

Book Review: The Strain

Whoa. Does that title say BOOK review? Yup, you better recognize. The Girl Who Loves Horror can also read. And she likes reading a lot. Lately she's been somewhat obsessed with the highly popular Swedish books, the Millennium series, which includes The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who Played with Fire, and The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Yes, these are all awesome books that you should read right away, and no, the titles were not the inspiration for this blogger's name.

But I digress. This book review is about the first book in another trilogy, The Strain, co-authored by Chuck Hogan and Guillermo Del Toro. You know, that totally awesome movie producer/director who I am a little in love with can really spin a good yarn. Other novels that will follow in this series are The Fall and The Night Eternal.

The Strain is the tale of a coming apocalypse to the United States in the form of vampires unlike any we have ever seen or read about before. A plane landing at JFK literally goes dead on the tarmac, all but four of the passengers and crew are deceased and there is a strange coffin full of dirt in the cargo hold not listed on the manifest. Dr. Ephraim Goodweather, a viral expert from the CDC, and Nora, his co-worker (and woman he's become rather close to after being separated from his wife) are the heads of the investigation to find out what happened. But when the bodies of the deceased suddenly go missing and one survivor almost kills them, they realize that they have much more on their hands than a viral outbreak. A strange old man named Setrakian enters the mix, who seems to know exactly what's going on and how it will escalate. He has a long history with these creatures that the humans are turning into and this may be his one opportunity to destroy the thing that has plagued the darkness for centuries.

The Strain is a vampire book, but this is a truly unique take on the vampire lore. Some elements of the classic mythology are still there, but with a little twist, probably the biggest being that vampirism is treated much more like a virus or parasite that progresses in stages and physically mutates the infected. Nods to the magnum opus of vampire fiction, Dracula, are present. The plane, for instance, is parallel to how Dracula arrived in London aboard a ship - in a coffin of dirt, feeding on the crew members. You can still identify a vamp with a mirror, but in The Strain their reflections appear shaky in the mirror rather than having no reflection at all.

A pretty good rendering of what I imagined the vampires to look like.

The physical look of the vampire in this novel is also drastically different than what has been seen before (aside from the assorted vampire-beasts in movies like From Dusk Till Dawn). Pale, yes, and dirty from sleeping in the dirt but no fangs. Nope, the twin fangs of a traditional vampire have been replaced by a stinger that protrudes from the mouth, underneath the tongue. The jaw hyper-extends and the stinger slithers out, attacking the neck region in order to infect the victim's bloodstream more directly. Because even when a vampire has been beheaded (the preferred form of extermination in this novel) there are still little wriggling parasitic worms in their blood which must be burned by a UV lamp.

The old professor-turned-New York City pawnbroker Setrakian mentions the various stages that the vampires go through after their initial infection. Each day they mutate more, becoming more strong and even losing their vital organs and sex organs, as they are not needed. I'm guessing that the regular vampires all end up looking something like the Master vampire, but perhaps we won't truly find out until the sequel comes out in October.

You rule, buddy.

All in all, I rather enjoyed the book. There are some cliche characters, like Eph's ex-wife's new hubby being the unbelieving loser who by default gets everyone else in trouble. Besides Eph, Nora, and Setrakian, another person to join the vampire hunting team is an exterminator named Vasily Fet (where the hell did they come up with these names?). Fet's character makes sense for the story, though; it's something I wouldn't have thought of that pertains to vampires. Fet figures out that there is something going on in the city from the strange behavior of the rats, which, again, makes sense for the story, seeing as how the vampires must hide underground to avoid sunlight. He is a funny character who is accepting of the others in the novel and seems to be fiercely loyal to these people he just met.

The main character Eph, has had family problems in the past, which includes long hours from his demanding job and alcoholism. His adolescent son Zack is his life and is most likely the motivating factor behind his determination to end the vampire plague. Other characters are introduced that won't pop up again until the sequel, when we'll finally see what their importance to the vampires is.

Oh, so that's Chuck Hogan.

This novel is only a part of what will be a much larger and drawn out story, but it has interested me enough to find out how the final battle will take place and who will come out on top. Anyone who knows my taste knows that I have somewhat of an aversion to vampire stories (aside from Buffy and Angel) but this one was quite interesting to read. The vampires are a disgusting plague that turn their victims into something that resembles both vampires and zombies, really. They are not beautiful, sparkly, or romantic, but rather revolting and violent.

There are hints of a big war in the coming books. The Master that arrives on the plane in NYC is only one of seven ancient master vampires still around, three of which are already in the New World (i.e. maybe next door to you!). This master that entered the US was supposed to stay in the Old World, which angers the three ancients. How will this tiny team of vampire hunters take on ancient evil vampires? Guess we'll have to see...

Sidenote for book geeks: The new dimensions on paperback novels suck. They may look skinnier but are actually only bigger length-wise, about an extra half inch tall. This is supposed to help save paper, but if that's the truth, why did they jack the price up $3? Paperback prices used to be $6.99 or $7.99; now the average price I'm seeing is $9.99. Not happy about that.

Movie Review: Kingdom of the Spiders

I got interested in this gem from Trick or Treat Pete's recent post about nature-related movies and the still from Kingdom of the Spiders looked cool. And lo and behold, as I'm perusing through my video store the other day, what DVD do I see? What, you need me to tell you? Okay, it was KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS - in the new release section, I might add. Out for the first time on DVD I'm guessing?

Now, I love the movie Arachnophobia, but obviously it still gives me the willies. Holy fucking crap, Kingdom of the Spiders was about a thousand times worse than Arachnophobia. A) Tarantulas are fucking big and hairy and scary and B) THERE WERE A WHOLE FUCKING LOT OF THEM. Okay, here we go.

Plot paragraph: So William Shatner is Dr. Robert "Rack" Hansen, a vet in this tiny town in Arizona. When a local farmer's calf gets sick, he sends off some samples of stuff to the university in one of those big towns in Arizona. A really hot bug scientist (Tiffany Bolling as Diane Ashley) shows up and tells him that the calf was poisoned by spider venom. The theory is that many spiders were the aggressors and not just one, which is confirmed by the discovery of a huge spider hill containing thousands of tarantulas. And as the spider population in Camp Verde grows, the human population diminishes...

I can't believe how many actors they got that agreed to have 20 spiders - no, no, not just spiders, TARANTULAS - crawling all over them. I mean look at this:

and this...

and these two dead dudes...

and the dead sheriff...   (OMFG, there's a huge one right over his EYE)

and this extremely brave actress...

and even this fat guy...

I mean, there's no end to the little bastards! Plus we have little girls on a bed covered with spiders; spiders falling on people's heads from an AC vent; spiders in the truck; spiders on a hill; spiders on somebody's hand - this whole GD movie is just freaking covered with spiders! And that one hot bug scientist chick just kept picking up the spiders like they were little fluffy bunnies or something and I kept screaming in my head, You fucking crazy bitch, put that thing down! What the hell are you doing?! My mother came in while I was watching this and I must have looked like a scared little kid or something because she said, "What are you watching?" To which I replied, much like a scared little kid, "I DON'T LIKE THIS MOVIE!" 

Actually, I did like the movie, obviously I just don't like spiders. Well, I don't mind spiders - I can usually take one on by myself if it shows up in my house but if I were in this movie? No way, Josie. I'd be a wreck. When they're crawling over people in the movie, those ain't no CG spiders. They were the real deal, so I guess I have to give a pat on the back to pretty much everyone involved in making this movie for being able to stand being surrounded by spiders every day they went to work. Some of them must have been really desperate to meet William Shatner.

Who could resist this hunk of burning love?

Entomologist Diane Ashley actually falls for Rack and his good ole boy cowboy attitude, despite his making fun of her in an earlier scene at the gas station and his initial disbelief in her killer spider theory. I'm always amazed in these kinds of movies how quickly people seem to "fall in love" with strangers they just met. But the love story in this movie is cut short by the invading hoard of spiders. Oh, what might have been.

The environmental stand they took was funny. We all know now that DDT sucks, but this movie seems like they were saying, "Look what could have happened, you dipshits. Don't fuck with nature." And the ending was absolutely hilarious. Billy Shatner looks out the window after somehow surviving the night in the lodge spider-free, only to see that the entire town is covered in spider's webs! Brilliant. Let's see you get out of this one, Captain Kirk.

Other things that are awesome about Kingdom of the Spiders: a pilot with spiders on his head screams like a girl as he tries to cropdust the sons-of-bitches out of town and then crashes his plane; the scene where pretty much everyone in town dies; and the actors playing Mr. and Mrs. Colby (the farmer with the first sick cow) are kind of amazing.

Two thumbs up... though I don't know if I want to watch it again...

A Week of "P" Movies: P2

I know I'm getting into the next week with this post here, but I had to get P2 on my blog somewhere.

It's a divisive movie among horror fans and I sort of understand why. I'm on the side that really likes the movie. I would think more guys would like this movie... the whole poster is just of her boobies. Don't men like boobies?

The "here's what it's about" paragraph: On Christmas Eve, Angela is working late at her swanky office building, trying to get done so she can go to her sister's house. When her car won't start and she can't get out of the building to get a cab, she's abducted by the night security guard, Thomas. He says he just wants some company for Christmas, but Angela realizes that he's not all there and has to find a way to get out of this parking garage alive. Rachel Nichols plays Angela and Wes Bentley's eyebrows play the madman Thomas.

I'd like to give a through-the-Internet
fist bump to Alex Aja. 

P2 was the brain child of gore-meister Alexandre Aja and some other dudes. Completely different from his other films but that's awesome. P2 is more simplistic and atmospheric, while it does have a touch of gore just for fun. I like the casting of Rachel Nichols because she is one of the only actresses who looks like a normal person. Pretty, but not insanely hot, therefore I like her and her character. Wes Bentley I only knew from American Beauty so when I first saw the movie, I wasn't sure how I would feel about him playing a psycho, and playing it believably. He's a little young for role, maybe, but on the whole his random crazy outbursts and sweet-boy face that can instantly turn into mean-boy face actually worked for me.

After Angela wakes up from Thomas drugging her with chloroform, we get a very creepy scene of Thomas's Christmas dinner romancing thing he's set up for her. It's a good surprise moment when Angela, feeling sick, falls out of her chair and we see that her ankle is chained to the table leg. Then when he makes her call her sister to say she won't be able to make it to the family gathering, Thomas stands behind her, grabbing and caressing her neck and chest and it's almost torture to watch her try to keep her composure. Why she doesn't just yell out something like "I'm still at work, HELP!" is beyond me. But then we wouldn't have a movie, would we?

He's right behind you, dipshit.

I have to give the filmmakers credit for making a movie set in an underground parking garage and being able to keep the action different and interesting. I think of those places as just big, open spaces. Creepy, yes, with the shadowed corners and echoing noises, but there's not much to them. P2 gives us something unexpected at every turn. Angela tries hiding in an elevator, which Thomas fills with water. The touch of gore comes in when Angela stabs Thomas in the eye and when Thomas rams a guy strapped to a chair into a wall with his car and his intestines spill out. Niiiiiice. A game of vehicular chicken shows Angela's horrible driving skills but leads us to a great conclusion to the film.

This movie even includes the absolute one thing that I hate seeing in movies which is somebody's FINGERNAIL BEING RIPPED OFF. I don't even want to look for a picture of it because I can't fucking stand that shit. Chop off their heads, pull out their guts, put them in a meat grinder, I don't care. Just don't show somebody's fingernail popping off. Even if the fingernail thing is a POSSIBILITY, I don't want to see it. Like one of those scenes where someone's being dragged and they're all scraping at the floor and walls - that's enough to get me squirming in my seat. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

I'm telling you, those eyebrows
are out of control.

And get this: there's an evil dog in the movie, and Angela actually kills it. They break one of the unwritten rules of films - you can't kill dogs. Kill as many humans as you like, but once Fido gets it, the audience will fucking hate you. "Yeah, but what if it's an evil dog who tries to eat you?" Eh, still a little iffy. There's usually some asshole in the movie who's going to say, "He's just a defenseless animal!! How could you do that??!!" To this, I say, Defenseless? My ass. Eighty pounds of muscle and sharp-sharp teeth hardly constitutes as defenseless.

Most reviews call Wes Bentley's performance, and the film overall, comedic. You can tell me that all you want and I still won't believe it. I think Bentley's reputation as the weird kid from American Beauty helped him in making Thomas more menacing. He doesn't actually hurt Angela in any way, but rather keeps getting in her way of escaping. His character is not meant to be a knife-wielding psycho. He is simply a cunning foe who knows the location better than our heroine, therefore he has one up on her. I sincerely believe that Thomas does not want to kill Angela. He has murderous tendencies, obviously, but perhaps he will only keep her locked up in his office for a few days instead of killing her. That wouldn't be so bad, would it? I'm sure he has plenty of frozen dinners to eat, Angela, and maybe you'll come to think of his dorky Elvis impersonations as, well... kind of cute. Or maybe not.

I give the movie props for trying something new that could have come off as cheesy and ridiculous. Some people still say that it is cheesy and ridiculous... and implausible and laughable and all kinds of other mean words but I say they're wrong. I like P2 and I don't care what you think!

The film also gets points for reemphasizing the fact that calling a woman the "c" word is never a good idea. Burn him, girlfriend!