Movie Review: Gutterballs (2008)

 

Sophistication met utter crap the other night when my movie-watching Friday was a mash-up of Liam Neeson in A Walk Among the Tombstones, immediately followed by... Gutterballs. I'm not even really sure what made me add Gutterballs to my queue in the first place, and it almost pains me to admit that I didn't regret it. That much.

(By the way, A Walk Among the Tombstones is really good.)

Two rival bowling teams meet at the alley after hours for a little healthy competition. But things turn bad after one game, when hottie Lisa is brutally gang raped by all four members of the opposing team. The next night, the bowling alley becomes a scene of equally brutal slaughter when a masked killer starts picking off all the players one by one.

This is a movie that I don't really know what to do with. As an extremely trashy, annoying, exploitation movie throwback, Gutterballs definitely succeeds, and almost rises beyond what it needs to do in order to live up to that reputation. Filmmaker Ryan Nicholson takes the typical rape/revenge exploitation plot, adds in the requisite over-the-top villains (the rapists, not the killer), peppers in other airhead characters to be fodder for the killer, and tops it all off with some ridiculously gory and equally exploitative kills. In a lot of ways, this setup worked for me. But there were a few things that took me out of the film's cheesy world that made me not completely love it for what it was.

All of the characters here are just gawd awful, as they should be. I didn't even really like any of the good guys, except maybe for Jamie and Lisa. Really, their stupid costuming was enough to make me not like these people. It's not even that the acting was bad - all of these guys were actually great at what they did and the people they were trying to portray. It's just that all these people are people that I wouldn't be able to stand being around. The true scene-stealers in terms of awfulness are of course Steve, AJ, and Joey - our three douchebaggy rapists. The fourth guy, Patrick, is the reluctant abuser which makes him slightly less douchebaggy than his friends. But only slightly. Steve must have seriously high blood pressure as he has a constant 'roid-rage attitude. Everything he says must be YELLED and every sentence he says must contain at least three uses of the word "fuck." But AJ, however, is just the worst. Again, props to the actor for his commitment, but OH MY GOODNESS. That laugh? That face he makes when he laughs? That popped collar??? I could not wait to see what kind of death this guy got.

Speaking of which. The gore in Gutterballs, I have to admit, was kind of amazing. There are truly some inventive and, like I said before, ridiculous kills, many of them bowling pin related. One person gets the worst eye-gouging I've ever seen with the sharpened end of a pin while another one just gets a pin shoved down their throat. Also with throats, there is a nice slashing and a strangling with the strings of a pair of bowling shoes. I can't even describe the first two deaths because they're just icky and you have to see it for yourself. Probably my favorite kill was the one involving the ball waxing machine (a machine for waxing BOWLING balls, just to be clear). Gutterballs also has what I am now calling the best shotgun death ever. One character gets a blast that hits him in the neck which makes his neck kind of explode, leaving his head to flop over to one side. One thing that was kind of pissing me off at first about these deaths was that all the good people were the ones dying, and that they were getting it just as bad, if not worse, than the rapists do later on. Nevertheless, the gore and effects in Gutterballs is actually really impressive and I quite enjoyed it.

The rape scene confused me a little. Sometimes it is actually shot the way it needs to be - from the victim's point of view, showing the harsh reality of the crime and the savagery of the offenders. But then the other half of the time, it is shot in a manner more along the lines of exploitation. There are many shots of Lisa's exposed, perfect breasts, and her long, slender legs on Steve's shoulders when he rapes her. So they somehow managed to sexualize and exploit the scene, and make it sympathetic at the same time. One really atrocious thing they do in this scene is feature these horrible, non-realistic sound effects for I'm assuming comedic purposes - because it's funny to rape a girl with a bowling pin.

Nevertheless, Gutterballs is pretty much exactly what it wanted to be. A completely crazy and kitschy exploitation film with all the sex, nudity, and gore that you could possibly stand from such a film. It's got real boobs, fake penises, buckets of blood, and according to Wikipedia, 625 uses of the word "fuck." Break out the popcorn and indulge in something truly trashy for your next movie night. And be prepared for Gutterballs 2: Balls Deep, which I believe they are currently working on!

Movie Review: Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)

Oh my goodness, if I never hear another banjo-picking, Southern hillbilly song again it'll be too soon. Gah, Hersch, that was painful. Thankfully the rest of Two Thousand Maniacs! was not. It is one of Lewis's earlier movies and the second in the so-called "Blood Trilogy" (bookended by Blood Feast and Color Me Blood Red - the next two movies on my watchlist). I don't know if it is my favorite yet, but I can definitely say that it is the most well-made and entertaining of what I've seen so far. So let's talk about it, shall we?

Two groups of travelers find themselves in the little town of Pleasant Valley, where they seem to be "special guests" for the town's centennial celebration. But the people of Pleasant Valley have some very gruesome events in store for their guests, as revenge for wrongs committed against their town during the Civil War.

One thing I'm really enjoying about Lewis's movies are the stories. With the exception maybe of The Gruesome Twosome, his films don't seem to be of the standard fare that would come in later decades - there's always something just a bit... off about them, or there's some kind of twist that is so weird but at the same time still works. I loved the concept behind The Wizard of Gore, and now Two Thousand Maniacs with its whole all-the-town-is-crazy-and-kills-these-people-in-awesome-ways things is really making love the man. The ending of this film could be seen as complete malarky to others but, dangit, I liked it. It gives the movie a sense of mystery that it might not really deserve and it sure makes a hell of a lot more interesting than it could have turned out to be.

Our victims are two different groups of young lovelies traveling the countryside in hot convertibles going... wherever the heck they're going. Two couples in one car and a woman and the man she picked up hitchhiking are in the other car - and six just happens to be the magic number that Pleasant Valley needs to carry out their evil deeds. You see, back during the war a bunch of soldiers rolled through the town and pretty much killed everybody just 'cause they could. So now one hundred years later the town is out for vengeance against whatever Yankees they can get. Our Yanks don't know any of this at first, of course, and prove to be excellent fodder for the townspeople because they are absolutely ridiculous to believe that they would be special guests for a random town's centennial. And they just completely put their plans on hold because they get put in a crappy hotel by some of the most annoying and creepy people ever? Pfft, they deserved what they got, I'm not sorry to say.

And what do they get? Well, those are the fun scenes! The people have come up with some impressive ways to kill their guests, obviously modeled after what was done to them a hundred years ago. First to go is the dumb blonde who goes off with one hillbilly only to have him cut off her thumb, and then later her arm which is then put on a spit during the festive "barbecue." The amputation is nicely done with the effects - a lot better than some of the stuff Lewis would do later. Next up is the little annoying drunk boy who would have gotten the coolest looking death of all if they had actually showed it to us. He gets his limbs torn from his body by four horses running in different directions but they cut from the good stuff - probably because they couldn't do it - so all we see is one severed leg. My favorite death comes next, when one of the other guys is put into a barrel with nails stuck into it all over and rolled down a hill. Not so sure that that would kill him so quickly but I was willing to overlook that because of the inventiveness. Lastly is the crushing by a huge boulder, made even more fun by the dunk tank-like way they rigged it up. A woman is laying on a platform underneath the boulder while hillbillies throw balls at the target that will make it fall on her. Of course it does, and spectacularly crushes her.

What the movie lacks in the blood and splatter department sometimes, it makes up for with all-around hilarity. The rednecks act just as nauseatingly cliche as you would expect them too, but the actors are so damn enthusiastic with all their roles that you can't help but love them. They are way more interesting than any of the travelers, even the two main ones, Terry and Tom, who are only a little bit smarter than their counterparts. Heck, even the kids get a chance to shine, and little Billy certainly takes advantage of it. Such a doll. Anyway, I couldn't stop laughing through most of this thing, whether it was at the acting or the dialogue or just the craziness that was going on.

Three Lewis movies down, and so far they're all winners in their own way. Can't help but be stoked about what's in store for me next (and hopefully I'll get them reviewed much sooner than I have been!) as I continue my strange and exciting journey through the works of Herschell Gordon Lewis. Stay tuned!

Weekly Movie Roundup: 2-5-12 to 2-11-12

The Baby (1973)
So while most everyone else in the world was watching the Super Bowl this past Sunday, I decided to watch this movie. It's an odd little cult classic about a social worker who becomes increasingly interested in a family with 21-year-old son, known only as "Baby," who acts, speaks, and is treated by his family like an infant. Surprisingly, the movie really isn't that bad. I was expecting something much more along the lines of sleazy exploitation film. While the overall concept of the film coupled with its horde of unlikable female family members is enough to give you the willies, the movie actually boasts some pretty good acting from the main women. The ending was supposed to some big shocker, but I actually found it rather sweet - morbid and creepy, yes, but sweet. It's not a movie you're gonna forget any time soon, that's a guarantee.

Wicked Little Things (2006)

Oh, the After Dark Horrorfest. Sometimes I'm just not sure about you. I mean, are these supposed to scary movies, or even good movies, or what?! Wicked Little Things was not overly terrible but it sure as hell wasn't anything special either. It's a cliche ghost story about a mother and her two daughters who move into a new house in the Pennsylvania woods and find out that there are about dozen murderous kids roaming the forest - children who died in a mine accident 100 years ago. Blah. The movie is kind of boring with nothing really new or interesting to see. I will give it props for having the kids be so brutal. They use their pickaxes and shovels and hammers to beat the shit out of people and then they eat their insides like zombies. Some nice gore work here, especially in the scene where the kids attack the teenagers in their car. Otherwise, a forgettable movie.

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Paranormal Activity 3 brings our happy little story of ghosts and demons back to the beginning of when the supernatural occurrences started for Katie and Kristi. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the first two Paranormal Activity films, and though the formula is starting to wear a little thin after this third film, I thought it was okay. The girls playing the younger Katie and Kristi are adorable and really wonderful little actresses. There are several great and unexpected scares - the sheet, Katie bumping into Toby, all the kitchen stuff falling from the ceiling - that were effectively executed with the filmmaking style. The camera on the oscillating fan was a genius way to introduce these scares. One thing I also like about these movies is that no one has to come out explain what is going on with the story. They give you all the pieces to the puzzle in subtle ways, but the story is clear. So like I said, this movie was pretty good but I think any more might be overexposure. And yet, number 4 is on the way. We'll see.

Contagion (2011)

Many of the previews made this infection outbreak movie look like it was going to be all shiny and exciting, but instead Contagion is a slow burn, realistic drama with some of America's current favorite actors. Director Steven Soderbergh uses his same multilinear storytelling technique (which I just figured out is called a "hyperlink narrative" but whatever) to tell the story of different people involved in the outbreak of a new disease - a man whose wife died of it but he is immune, an investigator for the CDC, and a blogger trying to expose possible government conspiracies concerning the epidemic. The movie is not really about how gross they can make the disease look on the poor victims, which I'm sad to say, I was kind of hoping to see. But I liked the approach taken here, even though I'm sick of the post-apocalyptic, mass hysteria and panic, and loss of law and order thing. However, the acting is wonderful by all involved, with each character making their story the most interesting one in each scene. It flows easily despite the hectic editing and multiple characters, and I thought it was beautifully shot. Two thumbs up!

Movie Review: Run! Bitch Run! (2009)

An intriguing title, no? Run! Bitch Run! is a somewhat strange but at the same time somewhat delightful throwback to 70s exploitation cinema, more specifically the rape-revenge subgenre. In fact, upon watching the first few minutes of the movie, I was pretty much convinced that it was from the 70s despite knowing it's 2009 release date. The music, the skeazy acting, even most of the shot compositions are very reminiscent of films from that era which is one thing at which this movie succeeds.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow plot: Two schoolgirls are selling Bibles in a crappy town called Moseley when they happen upon a drug dealer's house. They witness the murder of one of the dealer's whores, and the dealer and two others decide to have their fun with the girls before disposing of them. One survives and soon heads back to Moseley to get revenge on all of them.

This movie is sleazy. Sleaze galore. It looks like they took a big ole can of EZ-Sleaze and with gusto spread it all over this cracker of a plot. There is a sex scene pretty much every five or so minutes and almost all of the females to appear in the film at one point show their tits. I guess that's par for the course in a movie like this and more than adds to the exploitative nature. The only place the film really lacks is actually in the violence which is not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. 

So there's some characters to get straight here. The movie starts off in the crack den where we have the dealer, Lobo, and two of his whores, Marla - a coke fiend lesbian - and Carla. Then there's Clint who is the slow, stuttering lackey to Lobo. He likes watching this nun-lesbian porno movie. Cut to the girls. They are young, pretty Catholic school girls. Catherine is the steadfast rule follower and virgin, Rebecca is the one with the bad side who wants to have fun. 

The girls show up to the drug dealer's house to sell some religious junk, see Carla get shot in the head by Lobo for stealing his cocaine, and are then apprehended by the deadbeats for some torture and rape. After a wicked uncomfortable forced lesbianism scene between Carla and Rebecca, Rebecca is shot while playing Russian roulette. Catherine is taken into the woods for some unexplained reason by Lobo, Clint, and Carla where she is told to literally, "Run! Bitch, run!" before Lobo catches up to her and rapes her. Clint, the idiot, is then told to kill her, which he doesn't of course because he's an idiot. Catherine gets taken to a hospital where she dons a nurse's uniform before getting all pumped up for her revenge. 

Have you noticed the similarities to other famous exploitation movies yet? The Last House on the Left, I Spit on Your Grave... references and almost blatant theft is rampant in Run! Bitch Run!, but at the same time, it still manages to keep its own kind of sleaze and revel in it, which is most enjoyable to watch. Clint is the same character as Matthew from I Spit on Your Grave, acting the same way and told to do the exact same thing and failing at it. The other references are easy to spot, as well.

The revenge scenes are relatively tame until you get to the final murder of Lobo. Catherine barges in after killing Marla on Lobo having sex with presumably another one of bimbos or whores. Catherine's got a machete and she just shoves it right up Lobo's ass. No joke. A machete up the butt. Several times. She basically anally rapes him with a MACHETE. That's hardcore, and a nicely satisfying way for this piece of crap drug dealer and rapist to die.

There are also some oddly thrown in scenes involving Carla and her girlfriend and an way too drawn scene where Clint goes to a skeazy (more skeaze!) and gets bitched at by both the stripper and the bar owner. But these scenes don't detract too much from overall story, just add more sex and boobs and unnecessary violence. 

The ending is a bit of a downer. Not gonna lie, I didn't expect that and I was quite shocked. It's much different than the usual "girls rule" ending that other films like this have but I think it's a nice turn. Makes you think about what you've just seen in a different way.

If trash and sleaze is your thing, Run! Bitch Run! doesn't disappoint. Watch it for the fun of watching it, and also watch people look at you with surprise and a bit of interest when you tell them you just watched a movie called Run! Bitch Run!.

Sidenote: The grammar bitch in me must comment on the punctuation of the title. What exactly is a "bitch run"? Because that's what the title is implying. If they were going for an imperative verb, it should have read more like "Run, Bitch, Run!" or "Run! Bitch, Run!". Without the comma, it just bothers me. I know I'm dorking out, but I can't help it. Sorry!