Animals Run Amok!: Rogue (2008)

Thank you to those who recommended Rogue to me on my top Animals Run Amok list! If I could marry a movie right now, I think the lucky dude would have to be Rogue. Okay maybe it's not that great, but I tell you, it was pretty fucking awesome. I love surprises and this movie certainly was one.

Croco-licious plot: Michael Vartan is an American travel writer who takes a crocodile river tour in Australia's Northern Territory. When the tourist boat, helmed by Radha Mitchell as Kate, follows a distress flare further down the river, the boat is attacked and damaged by a vicious crocodile. Stranded on a tiny island with the tide coming in, the group must find a way to get to safety, while the croc has tagged them for food.

Animas Run Amok movies are indeed the greatest thing in the world, but the best ones I think are those with water animals. It's a whole other world beneath the surface and the water is their territory, not ours. You never know where they are or where they'll appear, which is where the true scare comes from. Although I gotta say, crocodiles are land animals, too. I'm surprised that they only thought they were in danger by going into the water, and that the croc only attacked them on the island once. But I guess if he had rushed the land then they would have all been killed fairly soon.

Speaking of the water, the setting is so gorgeous. This movie comes from the creator of another Australian horror flick, Wolf Creek, and he certainly knows how to film the outback in amazing ways. The beauty of the place is only marred by its isolation and vastness, which makes it a not so ideal place for our group to be stranded in. The cinematography is practically another character in the movie and is not like anything I've seen outside a Tomb Raider game.

The first part of the movie is the languid journey on the river where we get to view that wonderful scenery and meet the characters. There's a good group of different types of people here who are mostly likable enough that you don't want them to get eaten. Their freak outs are real and you can tell that most of those scenes were sort of improvised. It's funny when Katie and Peter are trying to come up with a plan and you can just hear someone in the background yelling, "Shut the fuck up, Simon!"

Hiding the beast from view is what usually goes on in these types of movies, but it works so well to this film's advantage. There's a great bit where one of the guys is standing near the water's edge. There's a splash, and when the group turns around, he's disappeared, and you only see the croc's tail as he slowly swims away. At first I thought I missed something, which was probably just the filmmakers' intention.

The beast only comes into full view at the climax in his lair, or burrow or whatever it is. The CGI is practically flawless, even better than my other favorite killer croc from Primeval. There's actually a good blend of both CG and mechanical effects, and I could hardly tell the difference. Rogue not only surprised me in how good and effective it is but also in its quality filmmaking - something I frankly didn't expect from such a relatively small movie.

There is wicked suspense all around in Rogue with some amazing jump moments that scared the piss out of me so many times. When the croc rams the tour boat, I literally jumped so hard that I lost my breath for a second. Absolutely fantastic. As the group tries to shimmy across the rope to cross the water, you're on the edge of your seat waiting for the crocodile to jump out of the water, but nope. A low growl and he blazes out to attack Neil on the land on the other side. That was a nice turn, too. When Neil and his friend show up on the speedboat, I thought his character was going to be one of the survivors, but he's picked off rather quick.

And John Jarratt is in this! Did not even recognize him as the guy in the fishing hat and mustache. He plays this character of the sweet widower so much different than the psycho in Wolf Creek, but he is wonderful in both. He helped make Wolf Creek what it was, so I'm not surprised that writer and director Greg Mclean would want him in another of his films.

There is a bit of un-believability when Peter (Michael Vartan) enters the crocodile's feeding grounds. In such a small, tight space, I thought he could only hide behind the rocks for so long before the thrashing animal got him or Radha, what with her being practically unconscious and so vulnerable the whole time. But the croc's death scene makes up for it! I loved that shit, it was such a good way to end it. Too bad Kevin the dog wasn't fast enough to get away :(. At least they didn't use him for bait to go fishing for Mister Crocodile.

Haha, that reminds me. Stay for the credits to Rogue because there is a hilarious "Never Smile at a Crocodile" song playing over them, sung by a sweet female voice. Funny but kind of creepy at the same time!

Great killer croc flick, one of the best, if I should so presume.

Movie/DVD Review: The Crazies

Me a bad Romero fan. *Hangs head in shame.* Never saw The Crazies from 1973 and actually didn't know about that movie until talks of the remake came out. Slap my hand all you want, but you can't expect me to know everything! Now that that's out of the way, I can comment on said remake.

I didn't hate it. A backhanded compliment, I know. But only because there are some elements here that I am sort of sick of seeing in movies in general.

Now, I was expecting something along the lines of "small town folks go crazy and kill each other and a small group of people fight them off and survive." And I'm not sure I wanted to see that. It sounds kind of boring. Instead, we get a weird sickness turning people into "crazies" and the military who caused the problem showing up and killing everybody.

You know what? I actually want there to be some weird viral outbreak that only affects a small population, because I want to see what the government would ACTUALLY do. In movies like The Crazies and Dreamcatcher, for instance, we see the military swooping in and hauling off the sick people kicking and screaming to plastic tents so doctors in space suits can strap them down and do weird shit to them. And people that try to go after their loved ones are mercilessly shot down by soldiers. No one knows what's going on, which makes everybody do crazy things and get shot down by soldiers. I actually have enough faith in the government and the men and women that make it up to believe that this shit would NOT happen.

But whatever. That's what George Romero apparently thinks would happen. And who am I to argue with George Romero?

On the flip side, it was nice to see in a movie that when something epidemic happens, that someone actually does show up to help. Even if it is to herd everyone into their quickly erected military compound and make the problem worse by not telling anybody what is going on. That happened in Dreamcatcher, too, and The Stand. I'm just saying, military, obviously that plan doesn't work out so well. Maybe time to go back to the drawing board.

One problem I had with this movie was too many f-ing deus ex machinas. Every time it looked we were going to get a really cool kill or have one of our main characters at least slightly wounded (as anybody in this situation would probably be), the attacking crazies are shot dead at just the right moment. So I have a bloodlust - I'm a horror fan, get over it.

Scenes that definitely stood out include:
1) THE TOTALLY AWESOME BONE SAW FIGHT. I don't know about y'all, but those bone saw machines have always freaked me out. Just the sound and the fact that they are BONE SAWS, by definition their only purpose is CUT THROUGH YOUR BONES, makes them very scary little instruments. And I know I'm not a dude, but I wouldn't want a wayward bone saw to come after my crotch, either.
2) The car wash fight. This was kind of a lame fight, but it stood out because it was so funny. I mean, I knew the crazies were outside the car and the people in the car knew they were there too, but all we can see them being scared at are the car washing mechanisms. For a good part of the beginning of the fight, I could barely see the shadows, so the people inside the car are all screaming and scared, and it looks to me like they're just scared of those spinny things that wash the side of the car or really scary soap being sprayed onto their windows, oh my! Even when the crazies attacked, they were disposed of a little too easily, so again, lame fight but it stands out because it was so funny.

3) Crazy coming at me with a pitchfork while I am strapped to a bed. Ah yes, the scene that inspired the poster and most of the trailer. Loved it. That scene had me going because of course you put yourself in the position of the victim. Strapped to a bed with no way to fight a farm implement being shoved into your stomach? Yeah, that's not a good situation in which to be. The scene was shot very well and I loved  when the pitchfork went all the way through the bed. Gross? You bet. Bad ass? Even more because of the fact that it was the school principal!

I mused at the hunters who couldn't hunt animals in normal life hunting humans after they caught the crazy virus. It was a nice touch and gave our heroes a more menacing threat to deal with than the pansy military dudes who run away at the first sign of a breach. The scene at the truck stop was genius, because after that initial scene of the main characters hiding from the hunters behind the truck, the audience has totally forgotten about them. Then when they get to the truck stop, which is supposed to be their safe haven, we find out that the hunters have already been here and are probably going to come back - and probably at a time when our main characters are separated from each other, alone and vulnerable. "It's okay, my pregnant wife, I'll go inside to look for keys to the truck while you stay out here alone with the murdering psychos who could be at every corner." Great idea! It makes for a great suspenseful scene, however, especially when Judy has to hide in the freezer of dead bodies.

All in all, a pretty good movie but nothing to go "crazy" over.  *Waits for laugh...*