Book Review: "The Matriarch" by Kevin A. Ranson

A bit of a welcome change from all the zombie novels I've been reading lately, author Kevin A. Ranson's vampire novel The Matriarch is yet another story that manages to breathe new life into a seemingly tired and played-out subgenre of horror. Just the first of a planned series of books, Ranson has already followed up The Matriarch with a sequel, The Matriarch: Guardians, which was released in May. Hopefully I'll get a chance to read that one too, because I completely enjoyed the first book.

Staying at her grandparent's isolated farmhouse over Thanksgiving break, Janiss Connelly starts becoming suspicious of the nearby Cedarcrest Sanctum rest home where some odd things are happening with the residents. Janiss soon finds herself in the middle of a long-standing vendetta between the head of Cedarcrest and a mysterious man named Ian, who one night changes her life in a way she never could have imagined.

I used to think that I was pretty much over vampire stories in general because I hadn't seen them done the way I think they should in a long time. Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan's The Strain trilogy changed that somewhat with its super-awesome version of the vampire, but I definitely missed some of the classic elements of the story. Ranson's story is wonderful mix of all those things that we know and love about vampire lore, along with some of his own personal tweakings. For example, a wooden stake alone can not kill a vampire, it just hurts and incapacitates them while it is in their chest. The kinds of vampires that exist in this book are also not inherently good or evil - that depends on how they deal with what has happened to them. They can either become horrible killers or learn how to control their powers and their bloodlust in order to safely live among humans.

One thing that did confuse me a bit was how the vampires would keep saying that they were dead,
but one part has Janiss not being able to wake up from her bed of soil until her breathing starts and her heart starts beating. Did I misinterpret something there? Anyway, other than that, Ranson's take on vampirism was wonderfully detailed and exciting to me personally because these are the kinds of vampires that I love to read about. Of course they are monsters and act as such when need be, but a part of them is still human, and they can use their unique capabilities for good, actually. You'll just have to read the book to find out how.
***EDIT*** My question has just been answered by the author! The vampires here are technically dead, but at night when they go out to feed, they are able to imitate the living so that they may feed off of them. It is in the sunlight where humans are able to see them for what they are, and they cannot hide as easily.

As our main character, Janiss Connelly is surprisingly admirable, though she's a bit annoying at first because of the way she treats her friend Daniel. She is no shrinking violet, even before she becomes a vampire, and she seems very determined and independent. After her transformation, she is confused and afraid but still tries to work with what is happening logically, without crying in a corner or anything. She learns about her new skills as a vampire from the one that made her, Ian. He is the perfect villain - cold, conniving, and selfish, he takes pleasure in tormenting Janiss any way he can. Their relationship is extra-tense because Ian knows that Janiss is on the side of Louisa, the vampire who runs Cedarcrest and who has a strong vendetta against Ian both for turning her into a monster and for the murder of her best friend a hundred years ago. My favorite character was Timothy, Louisa's personal aide. He seemed to care very deeply for her, knowing all her secrets and helping her in her day-to-day survival, and in her plan for vengeance against Ian. He's not emotional but you can tell he has a big heart, and those kinds of characters are always intriguing.

Though the core story of The Matriarch is brought to a satisfying conclusion at the end, I can see all the possibilities of where Ranson could take it even further for the sequels. There's a whole world of vampires out there that we haven't met, and it seems like Janiss has some work that she wants to get done. The Matriarch is a wonderfully and skillfully crafted vampire tale that shows respect for the classic monster, while still changing things up in a way that shows the author's personality and individualism. I'm very happy that I got a chance to read it and that I can share it with other horror fans because I think it is something that they could really (I CAN'T RESIST) sink their teeth into!

Movie Review: Stake Land (2010)

I've had this movie in my queue for freaking ever it seems like. I kept Stake Land there because of its 3 and a half star rating but was still weary of it because I was afraid it would be just another post-apocalyptic voyage tale. And, to a point, it is that kind of movie. However, the technical skill and emotional focus is what sets apart this little gem from some of the rest.

After saving teenager Martin from the vampire that slaughtered his family, mysterious hunter Mister takes Martin under his wing in the fight for survival. The two head north to the safety of a place called "New Eden," stopping in several locked-down towns along the way and picking up new members to add to their group. The vamps are not their only problem, though, as they soon run afoul of a religious cult called The Brotherhood.

The world, post-apocalypse, in Stake Land is much like you've seen in other movies, although those probably had zombies instead of vampires. And actually, the vampires are much like zombies in this film, insofar that the way they are portrayed is as simple monsters with no human side at all. No explanation is given for the appearance of the vampires in the first place but that doesn't matter. The film is more centered on the characters and the journey they take with the vampires in the background, mostly because they are only a threat during the night. The new world that Mister and Martin travel around in is just desolate and dreary enough, giving the movie a nice atmosphere all the way through.

Though none of the characters are given much of a backstory (if any), the actors all manage to make each character their own and give them their own personality. There's no shortage of talent either, both from seasoned and well-known actors like Kelly McGillis and Danielle Harris, and from newcomers and unknowns like Nick Damici and Connor Paolo who play Mister and Martin respectively. Mister is the most interesting character of the bunch, which is why his lack of backstory was so frustrating. The way Damici plays him as the typical hardass with a heart gold begs for more information on how he came to be the man he is, but no help is given there. Paolo is pretty impressive even though he still needs to work on his emotional range a bit. Martin's voiceover is not exactly bothersome, it's just not needed. All of the sometimes flowery and philosophic things he VOs are represented even better by the movie's visuals, so I don't know why they even bothered.

Speaking of visuals, Stake Land is a pretty movie. There's obviously some real skill behind the camera with director Jim Mickle, who surprisingly only has four movies under his belt. One is the remake of We Are What We Are, which I wasn't too excited about before but now I am if it involves this kind of talent. The story is relatively small, staying with our characters, and Mickle doesn't rely much on showing sweeping views of the landscape. The coloring and lighting changes to match the tone of the scene, and there are some really beautifully composed shots that I wish I could get stills of to show here.

If we gotta talk vamps, I say that they look good in Stake Land. They do look a bit like the Buffy vamps from season 7, though. Just saying. The special effects are pretty much awesome looking all around. From the vampires themselves, to the staking deaths, to burned up bodies strewn around the street, this is not some shitty independent movie with ketchup for blood. The one really horrible thing they show is right at the beginning, in the flashback scene of the death of Martin's family. The vampire is slurping down on Martin's infant brother or sister and then casually drops the body when its done. That's just not right.

Normally my biggest problem with apocalypse movies is the requisite group of crazies who only exist to rape and murder all the nice people in the movie. We do have one of those groups in Stake Land - the aforementioned Brotherhood, whom we first meet when we see two of them chasing after a nun who they either raped or tried to rape. Mister brutally kills the two men without question, and this is what sets off their vendetta against them for the rest of the movie as one of the men he killed is the son of the Brotherhood's leader, the crazy Jebedia Loven. I didn't mind the use of this crazy group trope so much here, though, because they are the only bad people in the movie. The groups of survivors Mister and Martin meet in these lockdown towns are good people trying to make a life, and there's none of that crap about not being able to trust anyone just because you don't know them. Based on their actions that continuously get more fucked up as the movie goes on, it's clear that the Brotherhood is more of a threat than the vampires. I mean, Jebedia has a tattoo on the back of his bald head. He has to be evil.

Stake Land is another one of those movies that doesn't get mentioned all that much, and it really should.  Maybe you've seen movies similar to it before, but that shouldn't detract from the fact that Stake Land is impressively shot and acted. I'd definitely watch it again.

Franchise Review: Howling 6: The Freaks (1991)

In the palindrome year of 1991, somebody decided that after four bad Howling movies, they might be able do it right for once. And surprisingly, they kind of do. Don't get me wrong. I will probably never watch any of these movies willingly again (except maybe for Howling 2 because that one was a freaking hoot), but Howling 6: The Freaks is strangely okay, if your standards are fairly low like mine usually are.

Ian Richards is a quiet drifter who comes to the dying town of Canton Bluff looking for work. Local man Dewey man gives him a job helping to fix up the church, while Ian makes nice with the man's pretty daughter Lizzy, and tries to hide the fact that he is a werewolf. However, the owner of a traveling circus, Harker, learns Ian's secret and kidnaps him to make him a part of the rest of his freaks.

What's missing from Howling 6 - and not in a bad way - the comedic element that sometimes very prominent in the previous films. The sixth entry takes its idea very seriously with hardly a hint at anything funny, even when it comes to the freaks in Harker's World of Wonders. That doesn't mean that the movie is magically any better than first four sequels, but heck, I have to give them an A for effort for not making this a total shitfest like it very well could have become.

Speaking of Harker's World of Wonders... that was interesting. When Lizzy and Ian go through the unusually large space where the main freaks are held, Harker gives them a personal tour while they view the half man-half woman, the midget with a third arm, the newbie freak Alligator Boy, and a clown that... bites the head off a chicken? Whuh? How is that supposed to be an "oddity"? Well yes, it's odd and very disturbing, but not your normal freak fair at these things. Harker is very good at running the show. He is very creepy in his looks and demeanor, but also seems strangely respectful of all his freaks. So he can't be all bad, right? The Funhouse and now this movie keep making me wonder whether or not it would be cool if they still had shady sideshow circuses like this anymore. There would be outrage from the community, for sure, but who doesn't want to see a mutated pig fetus or something?

The special effects, while well done, are just not to my liking aesthetically for the particular monsters they are trying to portray. Ian's transformation into a werewolf is one of those typical, really painful-looking transformations where we see fingernails growing, feet lengthening, etc. until they do the full shot at the end. I hate the look of this werewolf, mostly because he has no snout and his face is mostly hairless. How can you call something that looks like that a "wolf" of any kind? The rest of the body is good (even if the hair on top of his head was way too long) but doesn't make up for that awful face. One of the worst werewolves out there. There's also a bit of a change with the werewolf lore in that not only can the full moon change Ian, but he can also transform by use of an amulet and certain magic words that Harker recites.

The big reveal - oh no! a spoiler! - near the conclusion of the film is that Harker is a vampire. Kind of. Actually, he's a bald, purple vampire with no nose and pointy, chewed-up ears. WTF. And the first thing that came to my mind when I saw him was that Buffy, the Vampire Slayer of all people ripped off his look for the ubervamps in season seven of that show.

The ubervamp look didn't bother me there, but the fact that Harker was a weird purplish, blue color really threw me off. I wouldn't have even known that Harker was supposed to be a vampire if it weren't for the coffin full of dirt (disguised as a couch) in his trailer or the fact that Ian staked him at the end and ultimately killed him by exposing him to sunlight.

I didn't love any of the actors, but I didn't hate any of them either. The girl playing Lizzy had a really annoying voice and no awareness of her physicality, and other than that, these guys did an okay job for the caliber of movie they were in. Nobody stands out except maybe for Bruce Payne as Harker, and that freak who played the half man-half woman. He/she could have had a real career at that. The lead actor playing Ian is easily forgettable, even after his semi-sweet moments of not eating the kitty and walking off into the sunset at the end with Alligator Boy (they became buds).

All in all, really not a bad flick. It's not blatantly retarded like some of the earlier Howling films were and that gives it some major points in my book. The plot could have used a bit more work and there could have been more character development - but then the film could have been a bit too serious for its own good. Strangely I didn't miss the lack of werewolf attacks in Howling 6. The fight scene at the end between Ian and Harker made up for it and then the movie ends quickly after that, as it should have.

Oh my gosh, you guys, I am so freaking close. Only two Howling movies left. I think I might actually make it through okay.

Movie Review: Bordello of Blood (1996)

Netflix: Hey, Michele. What do you feel like watching today?

Michele: Hard to... concentrate... First horror convention... only 10 days away... Norman Reedus... Chris Sarandon... Heather Langenkamp... Tom Savini... All are so close to me now... Please give me a fun horror movie to... distract me!

Netflix: Ever seen Bordello of Blood?

Michele: Actually... no. But... Tales from the Crypt?... Vampires?... This could work...

Netflix: Just hit play, Michele.

Michele: Okay...

It worked! So, so sorry, guys, but this whole convention thing has gotten me into quite a tizzy as the event draws ever nearer. Of course, Bordello of Blood turned out not to be able to distract me that much, because Netflix failed to inform me that Chris Sarandon is in this movie, too. Teasing motherfucker. Will meet Chris... in 10 days... Jerry Dandridge... Prince Humperdinck... Cannot wait... any longer! ... Okay, I'm back. So anyway - loved Bordello of Blood! As the second full length feature based on the HBO series, Bordello of Blood is a joyous comedy and gorefest with a gungho cast, a fun story, and some really great effects gags.

The story here is that after being awakened from the dead, the mother of all vampires Lilith is back in business, running a house of ill repute secreted away inside a mortuary. Private investigator Rafe Guttman threatens her plans when he visits the bordello looking for the missing brother of a client.

Dennis Miller headlines this show as Rafe - and he plays the role just like he does every other role I've seen him in. He's witty and sarcastic with a dry-as-a-desert sense of humor that you think would get old after a while here. Fortunately, it does not. Miller is hilarious the whole way through, his character's cavalier attitude making the whole situation of vampire prostitutes just as funny as it should be. Angie Everheart as Lilith is also beyond awesome in her role. She is a gore-geous woman who just seems to be having a good time playing the baddest bad bitch in this movie. Yes, every word out of her mouth is some kind of pun or double entendre but she manages to pull (most of) them off without sounding (too) cheesy. Alright, it was often quite cheesy but I didn't mind it so much. Everheart has her comedic moments here and there too, so give her points for that. Erika Eleniak, Corey Feldman, and Prince Humperdinck also all give hilarious performances, though the guy playing the funeral home guy, McCutcheon, was a big favorite of mine.

Right at the beginning of the movie, we are given a wonderful taste of the awesome comedic gore gags to come. Treasure hunter Vincent brings Lilith's dried up corpse back to life by reconnecting the four pieces of her heart and putting it back inside her. As soon as she wakes up, she's hungry for blood and Vincent feeds her his tour guides. She punches her fist through one guy's chest and rips out his heart; squishes another guy's head with her bare hands until his eyes pop out; and does something probably pretty nasty with her tongue to the last guy, even though we don't see it. Later on in the film, there is a cool sunlight-explodes-vampire scene (which includes a weird cameo from Whoopi Goldberg for some reason) and another great death involving Lilith's extendable tongue, another man's heart, and some serious French kissing. Also - holy water squirt guns. Always fun. And Prince Humperdinck looks pretty awesome with one.

Oh, what else to say? Love the stuff with the Cryptkeeper and William Sadler-mummy at the movie's bookends - the Cryptkeeper of course has the best one-liners in the whole thing because, well, delivering extremely bad puns with a delicious cackle is why we all love the Cryptkeeper so much. "She's knows that the best way to a man's heart - is through his rib cage!" So, so bad and yet so awesome at the same time. I also loved the perfect Tales from the Crypt ending that I sadly did not see coming but totally should have. I see now that many critics and reviewers did not like Bordello of Blood so much and that's just bullcrap. No, it's not scary nor is it even a particularly good horror flick but I guess you have to see it for what it is, and I think genre fans are the ones who really get a kick out of it. It's Tales from the Crypt. You shouldn't be expecting any highbrow art in the first place because you won't get it. What you will get, though, is a campy good time, a movie with a real sense of humor about itself that easily makes fun of its own ridiculous situations.

You also have Prince Humperdinck as an Evangelical preacher playing an electric guitar. Seriously, what the hell else do you want from a movie?

Anthology Quest: Chillerama (2011)

I was wondering why I hadn't heard anything about Chillerama before despite it's just being released in 2011. There is a lot of talent behind all of the segments in this anthology, including directors Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Tim Sullivan, and Adam Rifkin, and I definitely feel the love that these guys have for the genre but this resulting movie is almost a complete failure, at least for me. Chillerama is mostly humor but it is the most juvenile, frat boy crap I've seen in a long time. But again, that's just for me. I would never want to potentially ruin someone else's enjoyment of a movie because I don't like this kind of stuff. 

The wraparound story in Chillerama starts out with a man digging up his wife's ten-year-old corpse to, um, defile it a bit, I guess and ends up with her coming to life for a second and biting his penis off - thus the zombie sickness occurs. The man then heads to work, which is at an old drive-in, run by Cecil Kaufman. The theater is celebrating it's last night open by showing four rare horror films - "Wadzilla," "I Was a Teenage Werebear," "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein," and "Deathication." As various drive-in goers enjoy the show, the zombie plague that the dude in the beginning brought in begins to spread after his bluish zombie goo gets into the popcorn butter.

"Wadzilla" is first up on the chopping block and is supposed to be a nod to the "giant [insert menace here]" B-movies of the 50s. In the hands of these yahoos, that becomes a story about a man who goes to the doctor to increase his sperm count and takes an experimental drug that ends up making his one measly sperm turn enormous and wreck havoc on the city. Yup, a giant sperm. With teeth. Must've sounded just hi-larious when they were throwing it around the idea room, but this was completely lost on me. The costuming and overall feeling of the segment is nice in a cheeky, whimsical way; there are some funny gore gags; and Eric Roberts shows up later (the wonderful Lin Shaye also has a small part here, and in the next short) - that's about it as far as positives go. The special effects just get epically more bad as the story goes on - and I totally realize this was part of the whole point of the piece, but damn, was it painful to watch.

"I Was a Teenage Werebear." Oh, how unprepared for this I was. Not being a part of the gay male subculture, I had no idea what the fuck was going on for most of these awful 15 or so minutes. Wiki says that "Werebear" is a parody of Grease, Rebel Without a Cause, and Twilight but I mostly caught Lost Boys references. Anyway, this is about a young in-the-closet kid who meets up with some other kids who turn into these hairy, cannibalistic, leather-clad vampire things when they're feeling all gay and awesome. "Bear" is a name used by gay men to describe a hairy, burly man. I couldn't relate to or understand this piece so it didn't work for me, although it does have some really hilarious moments. The main guy's girlfriend gets a nasty head wound early on and spends the rest of the time gibbering like an idiot. She does a really fun job at it and I loved it. The few gore gags are cheaply done but still effective at keeping up the campy tone. 

Okay, finally something I can get into! "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein" is Adam Green's segment and by far the best of the bunch. So apparently Anne Frank's full family name is really Frankenstein and they've got some special book that shows how to build a monster. Hitler shows up at the beginning, takes care of Anne and her family and takes the book, eventually building what turns out to be a Jewish Frankenstein Monster. This segment works mainly because of the amazing and hilarious performance of Hitler by actor Joel David Moore. For "Anne Frankenstein" to not be completely offensive and awkward, Hitler had to turn into a cartoonish buffoon  that is easily made fun of and Moore is fantastic at this with every second of his screen time. Most hilarious is the fact that though the whole thing is in German and subtitled, it's easy for anyone who doesn't speak German to catch on that after a while, Hitler goes from speaking what I'm guessing is standard German to just spouting out nonsense. At one point I caught him saying "Osh Kosh B'gosh!" Kane Hodder is Meshugannah, the Jewish Frankenstein monster and the woman playing Eva Braun is equally hilarious in her role (so is her slutty Nazi outfit). 

The last segment is "Deathication" and is thankfully a fake-out that is cut short when the zombies take over the drive-in. It's just a bunch of poop-themed gross-out scenes, so nobody really misses anything. But Dan Akroyd... that was awesome. 

Then the wraparound, "Zom-B-Movie," takes over for the rest of the time. It's got a great, really clever title and is about horny zombies with teal colored blood attacking theater goers by sort of having sex with them and ripping them apart at the same time. A lot of crazy and gory stuff happened here and it was all so well and funny, if not totally disgusting and abhorrent - but that's what makes it amazing. I would have preferred a more straightforward zombie story, but then it wouldn't have been a spoof now, would it? Then at the end, "Zom-B-Movie" zooms out to reveal that the movies within a movie was actually within another movie that the four directors are watching in a theater.

Basically, I could have completely done without three of these stories and not missed too much. "The Diary of Anne Frankenstein" is the only enjoyable segment of the bunch, along with most of the wraparound. Sometimes I have with a movie is that it only caters to one specific audience. Chillerama's audience for the most part does not include me because I am not a 13-year-old boy. Am I getting too old for this shit or is this really not funny in the first place? I like a good love letter to the genre type movie, and I just wish they had been a little more clever with their approach and not so ridiculous and juvenile. 

Classic Monster Movie Marathon: Dracula (1931)

The vampire subgenre of horror films has taken some good turns and some bad turns over its lengthy time on the big screen. Bram Stoker's 1897 gothic novel Dracula was first adapted for film - albeit, unofficially and unauthorized - with the 1922 movie Nosferatu. Since then, the famous Count has appeared a number of times in different adaptations and versions...

... just to name a few. However, there is no movie or no performance of Count Dracula more well-known or as recognizable as the 1931 film Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi in the titular role. This movie has an indelible place in the history of horror, and for good reason. To say that it is dated would probably be an understatement, but though the movie is over 80 years old, it still works. And why shouldn't it? The classic story and characters have been the inspiration for countless films, television shows, stage plays, novels, short stories, and comic books over the years.

One of the most obvious reasons for the film's longevity is the portrayal of Dracula by Lugosi. Watching the movie now in 2012, I still love almost everything that he does with the role. Lugosi's slow movement, mannerisms, and speech created a character that was charming and mysterious. With one eyebrow almost constantly raised and a crooked, cruel smile, Lugosi commands his presence whenever he is on screen, with every facial movement and hand gesture having a purpose. In this way, Lugosi was quite revolutionary in portraying the vampire, a monster that for all purposes looks and acts human, but is really not. They are still, simply, monsters who feed on the lifeblood of humans. They don't know how to act truly human themselves. Lugosi's speech pattern is often imitated or made fun of these days, with his accent, careful pronunciation, and pauses ("I never drink... wine," "We will leave... tomorrrrrrow eve...ning...") and I have to admit that I found myself smiling as well almost every time he opened his mouth, but I think it was a brilliant choice for this role. 

For me, though, the real scene stealer of the movie is Dwight Frye as Renfield. I had completely forgotten about this wonderfully creepy performance from the first time I saw Dracula many years ago. Renfield is the character who leads the audience to Castle Dracula in the beginning of the movie where he is then put under the Count's spell. Dracula uses him to help him travel to England by ship, and when Renfield is discovered as the last "surviving" person aboard, he is mad. That shot of Renfield looking up and laughing that insanely weird laugh is still very chilling and effective, as is the shot of him crawling on the floor toward the maid after she's fainted. Like Lugosi, Frye also created an iconic character that is sadly not as recognized as it should be. His plastered-on crazy face and the conviction that he puts into each one of his lines completely sells the character and is a great juxtaposition to the Renfield in earlier scenes.

Most of the story centers around Dr. Seward, who runs the sanitarium where Renfield is placed after being found on the ship; his daughter Mina and her fiance John Harker; and Professor Van Helsing, who has knowledge of vampires and is able to see Dracula for what he is. Dracula focuses on Mina for his vampire-making seduction game, coming to visit her several times in the night. This is probably where the romanticism of vampires originated - not just biting a person and making them a vampire, but slowing getting them under their thrall and attacking them in their beds, which has obvious sexual undertones. The one scene where the character of Mina really shines is when it is revealed that she has been made into a vampire. It's a slow reveal, and you almost don't really notice what is happening until Mina starts to look very lustfully at John, or at least at his neck. 

You almost can't compete with the sets on this film. Dracula's castle is just as it should be, huge and gothic and perched precariously on a cliff with only one road leading up to it. The castle is deliciously old and decrepit, with crumbling and broken concrete, and cobwebs everywhere (love that huge spider web on the staircase). The monstrous staircase at Carfax Abbey is also iconic, as is the basement that holds the coffins for Dracula and his wives. Director Tod Browning makes perfect use of wide shots in these locations to really show them off and add to the gothic nature of the film. I only wished that there more scenes in other parts of the castle, as we only get a limited view of what is surely a grandiose beauty of architecture. 

Certain camera and editing tricks are used effectively in some scenes that I really loved. Love the part at the beginning where Dracula somehow walks through the large spider web covering his staircase without disturbing it. The well-known trick of identifying a vampire by the fact that he casts no reflection in mirrors is stumbled upon by Van Helsing, when John opens a little chest with a mirror in it and Van Helsing sees that Dracula is not there. The camera also teases the viewer by cutting away or dissolving at the moments right before Dracula bites a victim. Being 1931, I'm sure that actually showing the act would have been a huge no-no. But here, it works. It adds to the mystery of the vampire that all his dark deeds are done in secret, and all his charm would be taken away if he was shown feeding like an animal on a victim. Plus, it would have been a very sexual scene indeed, a part of the vampire lore that would be explored in later movies.

What more is there to say really? Dracula is a classic and will probably remain so forever. Even in our MTV generation, one can still admire and respect the subtle brilliance of this tale of the famous Count, his brides, his Renfield, and those that try to thwart him. Seriously, who doesn't love Dracula? I know I do.

Movie Review: Daybreakers (2009)

Much like 30 Days of Night, Daybreakers was another vampire movie that I avoided seeing for a long time because I thought I would hate it. It looked too stylized and perfect for my taste and preference for what a vampire movie should be. I also didn't know anything about the plot, and if I had, I probably would have given it a chance sooner. It may not be for everyone, but I somewhat enjoyed this flick.

In 2019, years after a plague has turned most of the world into vampires, the human population is rapidly dwindling. Edward Dalton, a vampire and scientist at the world's largest "human farm," has been working with a team to develop a blood substitute to make up for the lack of human blood supply. But when a ragtag group of humans offers him the chance to introduce a different way to fix the problem, he dares to go against his own kind and the most powerful vampire in the country to end the populace's suffering.

I really like this story. Remember in Blade when Deacon Frost says "We should be ruling the humans! These people are our food!"? I've always had that same thought. So finally with Daybreakers we have a movie that explores the possibility of vampires being the dominant species on the planet - and the downsides that come along with it. However, these vampires are not necessarily evil. In fact, they're almost just like they were when they were human. They do have the insatiable bloodlust (which they can now buy at restaurants and coffee kiosks) and the enjoyment of immortality, but they've also had to put a lot of work into certain technological modifications to their cars, homes, and buildings in order to function during the day.

The story doesn't veer too far off from the traditional lore of the vampire, which pleases me. They burst into flames when exposed to sunlight or when staked through the heart, and have the cute little fangs and glowy eyes. The only point where the movie goes off in its own direction is in the exploration for a cure for vampirism, which I don't completely get. Sunlight apparently can both kill and cure vampires in Daybreakers - a limited amount of UV actually somehow manages to jumpstart their heart and turn them human again. Um, if you say so, I guess. One thing they included that I thought was hilarious was how much all the vampires smoked. Because, really, why shouldn't they? That was a nice little detail.

Ethan Hawke isn't really in a lot of movies anymore so I couldn't remember if I like him or not before I watched this movie. I guess he did a nice job but I wasn't totally blown away by his performance. Sam Neill is dead sexy as a greedy vampire king. He's smarmy and unlikable, but he wasn't evil enough in the role. He didn't seem like that big of a villain or threat for Ed and the humans. Willem Dafoe was still slightly off-kilter as he always is but he was at his most enjoyable here for me.

There is some fairly hardcore gore in Daybreakers with people being bitten and ripped in half, which was a lot more than I expected. The transformation of the blood-deprived vamps turning into bat-like creatures was nice and the makeup was really great on them. However, there is a bit of the evil CGI and CGI blood that we all dread, especially in the scene where the bat breaks into Ed's house but that was the only time I really noticed it. Overall the film is very stylish and sleek, with a lot of clean lines and muted coloring. They make very good use of shadows in specific scenes that make it look really cool.

Looking at it, I probably shouldn't like the movie as much as I do because it is very reminiscent of the Underworld films, which I'm not a fan of. Daybreakers worked for me, though. I'm not jumping through hoops at its amazingness, but it was genuinely entertaining for the time it took to watch it.

Movie Review: Fright Night (2011)

Okay, I can't resist. I have to say it... WELCOME TO FRIGHT NIGHT! I've still only seen the original 1985 version of Fright Night once, but that was enough to make me fall in love with it. News of remakes don't shock me anymore, in fact they rather bore me, so I was neither hopeful nor skeptical of this remake. And I have no shame in saying that I loved 2011's Fright Night just as much as the original.

When teenager Charley Brewster's old friend Ed tells him that his new neighbor Jerry is a vampire, Charley of course doesn't believe him. But after witnessing some of Jerry's strange behavior on his own, Charley is convinced and soon enlists the help of a local magician and vampire expert named Peter Vincent to take Jerry down for good.

The film is very fast paced and after the first throwaway scene and some setup with Charley, his mother and his girlfriend Amy, we get right into the vampire action. I was glad for the lack of lulls, so to speak, because what I wanted out of this movie was just some good old-fashioned vampire comedy and fun, and boy howdy, did they ever deliver here.

I didn't find out until after watching the movie that the wonderful Marti Noxon, one of the main writers from the Buffy, the Vampire Slayer TV series, wrote Fright Night, but I completely believe that her talents helped make the film as good as it is. It's full of subtle hilarity and smart jokes (and maybe one reference to Buffy when Peter describes Charley and Amy as a "Scooby gang"), not to mention the best line from the original film... "You're so cool, Brewster!" This line was perhaps not as well used as in the original movie - I probably would have missed it if I wasn't paying attention - but it was still good to hear it.

All of the actors were pretty much perfect in their roles, even Colin Farrell as Jerry, the one I was the most unsure about. I knew he would be a great charmer like Chris Sarandon was, but I wasn't sure how he would do with the comedic side. However, Farrell played Jerry as a much more sinister and cunning vampire with a hint of comedy here and there, and I think it made the movie all the better. The real star of Fright Night, though, was Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Ed Lee. My favorite line from the whole movie was at the beginning when Ed says to Charley, "...and I'm really so angry that you think that I read 'Twilight.'" His performance is nothing short of genius with every line that he delivers, even something as simple as that line. One of the movie's shortcomings is that they severely underused Ed's character. For shame!

Also, did you love Chris Sarandon's cameo? I did. Very happy that he agreed to do that. I also thought that I would hate the new Peter Vincent, changed from the aging Roddy McDowall to the more modern Criss Angel-wannabe guy with black hair and leather pants. However, David Tennant was equally fabulous in his role and played it with hilarity and ease.

As the movie was made for a 3D experience, there are a few shots of things flying at the screen and some very unnecessary use of CGI blood. Argh! I hate CGI blood! In fact, CG is used quite a lot here where more practical effects would have been undoubtedly better. Other times it works pretty well. Loved the part where Doris explodes in the sunlight and Ed's death (though not as sad as the original). One of the scenes I was not too crazy about was the part with Charley, his mom, and Amy in the car as they are running from Jerry after he tries to blow up their house. It is one continuous shot weaving in and out and around the car as various things are happening all around them, and it is so obviously fake - meaning green screen - that it took me completely out of the moment.

Classic scenes from the original are not exactly copied, everything is just more updated and modern. Not a bad thing here. The story works well in the new setting, and speaking of sets - loved them. Peter Vincent's loft was a great place for the showdown with Evil Ed and I loved at the end where all the vampires come out of the dirt, plus Charley's final fight with Jerry was very well done.

Despite its relative lack of attention at theaters, I think they hit a slam dunk with Fright Night. It was good vampire fun with lots of humor and some terrific performances.

Movie Review: 30 Days of Night (2007)

I avoided seeing 30 Days of Night for the longest time because, for some reason, I thought I would hate it. The concept always intrigued me but maybe it was the fact that Josh Hartnett was the star that turned me off initially. Don't judge a book by its cover or its starring actors, I guess, because 30 Days of Night was actually pretty darn good.

In this story taken from a graphic novel of the same name, the northernmost U.S. town of Barrow, Alaska undergoes a period of 30 days of total darkness in the winter. When this polar night begins, bloodthirsty vampires invade the town to feed on the populace. A small group of citizens, led by the town sheriff, try to survive the invasion by hiding out until the sun comes up again.

30 Days of Night is a slow burn with not as much action as you would expect. The tone of the movie is represented in the miserably cold atmosphere and the town's impending doom about being plunged into depressing darkness for a whole month (I thought polar night lasted longer than that in that area, but what do I know?). The strange man who arrives in town unexpectedly cuts off all ways of communication and the town essentially shuts down, so no one on the outside knows that anything is wrong and they can't call for help. I can't remember if it's explained why they can't just drive away, though. Is it because of the blizzard? And why would the airport freaking shut down for the month anyway just because it's dark? Planes fly at night all the time, morons, I don't see the problem. Anyway.

I don't know how big the town of Barrow really is, but it must be pretty good size for these people to be able to hide from the vampires for a month. The few people left alive hole up in some dude's attic for most of the time, where some of them understandably get a wild case of cabin fever insanity. There's also the underlying tension between Josh Hartnett's Eben and his wife Stella (Melissa George) who have unexplained problems that you know will be solved by the end of the movie. Ha! But even that cliche is turned on its head in the film's amazing conclusion, which I'll talk more about in a bit.

The vampires here are just how like them in anything outside of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. They don't look too unnaturally monstrous, but only like pale people with sharp, sharp teeth. They speak in their own strange language and are basically your typical evil, rip-you-to-pieces bloodsuckers. Actually, a couple of them were kind of hot, but that's beside the point. The point is that these vampires are awesome and the only negative about them is that they are not given nearly enough screen time for my liking.

And although the action having to do with these awesome vampires is fairly minimal, the movie does manage to throw in some pretty good gags. First of all, there's the gnarly scene where the vamps attack and kill about half of the townspeople in about five minutes. There are some cool aerial shots of the carnage in this bit and I freaking loved it. Secondly, there's the as yet unmatched scene of Eben and Stella driving through town in their truck only to have the vampires freaking lift the thing up by the ass end and flip it over. That. Was. So. Cool.

There are only three mentionable gore gags, and I think you'll know which ones I'm thinking of if you've seen the movie. There's a vampire getting sliced in half with this vehicle that's got a chain saw thingy attached to it; there's the guy who gets his hand ripped off the trash chewer-upper; and there's the part where Eben kills the head vampire by punching him through - not in, through - the mouth and coming out the back of his head. The whole fight scene before this wasn't all that exciting so this bit comes out of nowhere and had me clapping with gleeful delight. There's also an earlier cool scene with a freak-ass vampire little girl covered in blood. Children = scary, we all know that.

Now, Eben was able to do this because beforehand he had injected himself with the blood of a vampire-infected person. So even though we know he is going to win the day and save his beloved, he's going to have to die because now he's a vampire. The movie ends with Stella and him sitting on their favorite spot watching the sun finally come up and Stella holding Eben while he turns to ashes. My goodness, what an utterly depressing ending. But you know, I liked it, and I thought the effects work in this scene was gorgeous. The way it was shot and the music just made it so disgustingly beautiful. Stella's in agony but trying to stay strong and then gets this look on her face like she's going to go out and fuck up every vampire she can find. I love you, Melissa George, I really do. 

I'm not calling this one of the greatest vampire movies out there, but 30 Days of Night sets itself apart from the others with its chilling (no pun intended) tone and trading out CGI-boosted action sequences for a couple of good emotionally draining thrill moments. I'm not sure how I'll feel about the sequel though... anybody got thoughts on that one?

Movie Review: Waxwork (1988)

Waxwork is yet another movie about a wax museum. Much different than House of Wax, obviously, but a fun story and a good time to watch.

Mmmm, plot: A group of college students are invited to the exclusive opening of the Waxwork museum by the strange magician proprietor. The wax displays all contain iconic monsters and gruesome death scenes, and also have the power to transport the viewer to the world that they portray. If you are killed in the display, you die in real life and become a part of the display forever. When his friends go missing inside the displays, one of the kids is determined to find out the truth about the man who runs the place.

Waxwork is not a perfect movie, but it is totally off the chain. A completely rad, tubular horror comedy that could only have come out of the 80s. Indeed, this is one of the reasons I love that time period so much - exploitative horror was kind of  gone but sophisticated horror was yet to come. In between, we got movies like this. Which is awesome. I only wish I had been a teenager or something in that time so I could have grown up with all these movies, instead of crazily trying to play catch-up now in my 20s.

I wasn't really expecting that much gore or any real excitement from this movie, but most of it was a pleasant surprise. Some of the kills toward the end happen mostly offscreen - disappointing, yes, but there are some earlier scenes that are worth checking out. When China enters the world of the vampire, she eats raw meat at a banquet, and then stumbles upon the body of the victim used for dinner. He's tied to a table with most of the flesh from his legs missing. Yum. There's also people being ripped apart - always nice - and a midget being fed to a huge Little Shop of Horrors plant. You gotta love that.

Everybody's favorite part is probably the Night of the Living Dead scene. The main guy gets thrown into the zombie display and he's transported to a a black and white filmed cemetery, being chased by rotting zombies reminiscent of the classic film. The camera work is even like NOTLD, with lots of low angles and such that identify it.

There are tons of references to other horror films here that I really don't need to repeat them. Classic monsters abound, and there is also a cute little homage to the hand with a mind of its own from Evil Dead II. I only wish that we had gotten a better look at all the displays because I know I probably missed some good stuff. Only a few of the monsters and their displays are really highlighted and that's a bummer. I really wanted to see what was going on with the one where the guy has a gas pump shoved down a girl's throat.

What I don't get about the movie is Lincoln's whole set-up and plan for his wax museum. So the whole complicated story is this: Lincoln took some kind of trinket from 18 of the most evil people in the world from all different times in history, used them in his displays, and then needed another 18 people to go into them get killed and complete the displays. Once this was accomplished all of the evil people would come to life again and create chaos or whatever, which I guess is what he wanted.

What doesn't really make sense here (at least to me) is that his displays contain some known figures from history, like the Marquis de Sade, but most of them are fictional monsters, like vampires and werewolves. Although there have been movies that mix the monsters, I've always been of the pure mind that these monsters have their own worlds with their own rules and mythos. Not a big deal, though. Kinda weird however that Lincoln would consider a mummy one of the most evil people ever and not like, you know, Hitler or something.

The climax is fun and hilarious. The two main people whose names I can't remember decide to finally burn down the Waxworks and hopefully stop Lincoln's plan. They don't succeed before Lincoln can find two more victims, and all holy hell breaks loose when the monsters come to life. Wheelchair guy and a huge group of people storm in and they all get into a knock-down-drag-out that is freaking gut-busting.

David Warner as Lincoln was the only really recognizable face to me, only because he's in one of my favorite movies of all time, The Omen. Michelle Johnson as China looks vaguely familiar but I can't place her and it's going to bug me all day. There is the occasional cheesily delivered line but it all adds to what is an almost perfect combination of horror and comedy. The scene where the nerdy girl is being whipped by de Sade - and apparently really enjoying it - is a bit awkward and goes on for a bit too long. The girl playing Sarah is very good in this scene however. Wouldn't be surprised if she went on to have a great porn career after this.

Again, not the greatest movie, but it's still rad.