Movie Review: Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)

 

How can things go so wrong? I actually had some pretty high hopes for Night of the Living Dead 3D - the original is of course a seminal and wonderful film, and the remake from 1990 is equally great. So I picked up NOTLD3D at my last convention for a pretty cheap price (which I am now very grateful for) thinking that it couldn't be all that bad. I mean, it has Sid Haig in it, right? Welp, while Sid rocks the house like he always does, he's pretty much the only good thing about the movie.

NOTLD3D tells the classic story from the original film, and it has elements of both a reimagining and a meta-type horror film. Barb and her brother Johnny arrive at the Shady Rest Cemetery to attend their aunt's funeral, but are instead attacked by the living dead. Johnny escapes, and Barb is saved by a man named Ben, who takes her to the nearby house of some friends. The group holes up for night as they fight off the group of flesh-eating zombies.

I'm not the biggest fan of 3D in the first place. Sure, it's cool to look at for a while, but the novelty usually wears off pretty quickly once my eyes start to hurt and I can't see things as well. But, the DVD came with the glasses and I figured that if this was how the movie was supposed to be seen, then that's how I should see it. There are a couple of cool shots here and there that tripped me out, but for the most part, the 3D is unnecessary, like it always seems to be for me. I just can't get into it. I've tried and it hasn't worked. So there's that, unfortunately.

When talking about the story, again I have to ask - how could they have gotten things so wrong? The story is a simple one that has worked two times before and really doesn't need all that much tweaking. And for the most part, at least in the beginning, they don't really make any drastic changes for this version. Those come later when the explanation for the dead returning to life is completely different, and completely doesn't make any sense. Still, I really liked the not-subtle-at-all homages to the first film, which begin right off the bat when the original is playing on a television and the title credit turns into the title credit for this movie. If you're expecting to hear Johnny's famous line, it comes in the form of a text. Later on, when Barb gets to the farmhouse and starts talking about the dead coming back to life, she walks in on the family actually watching Night of the Living Dead on television. Of course, there's no acknowledgement about the fact that the characters have the same names as the people in the movie or that they are in the exact same situation, but I really didn't expect that anyway.

What I did expect, though, was at least some decent acting. Everyone in this movie just seems so uninterested and bored in what they are doing. While hearing a bunch of people shrieking and cursing during stressful scenes is admittedly not a lot of fun either, I see now that it is equally bad to have people acting way too calmly. How many times do these stoners just languish around while there is something serious going on? Or have perfectly normal and calm conversations at a time when nobody, least of all the audience, gives a fuck? When Karen goes missing, her father is barely able to puke out enough emotion for us to believe it. One of the greatest characters in horror ever, Ben, has been replaced by a motorcycle-riding loser who isn't nearly as authoritative or brave as Duane Jones or Tony Todd made him. On the flip side, Barb is more of a heroine, but not by much, and there is nothing interesting or endearing about her character. I really couldn't believe how wooden and boring everyone was, and their poor acting completely ruined any scene that had any potential to be exciting or scary.

Sid Haig is the biggest selling point of the movie, and while I enjoyed him like always, he's not a good enough reason to put yourself through this movie. He's the crazy mortician who has a problem with burning up dead bodies in his daddy's crematorium, so he's just been storing them for the past two years. Somehow, that translates into said bodies reanimating themselves. Don't ask me how. The makeup effects are okay, but I really hated the cartoony or comic booky look of the zombies. Tovar's father was the worst, all green and way too fleshy. There are not nearly enough good zombie kills, and I was severely disappointed in the gore factor for this movie. Maybe the best and stupidest part is when Barb lights Tovar's father on fire. Just because fire is cool.

With only ten minutes or so left to go on this movie, my scratched DVD started skipping around a bit so I didn't get to see all of the climax, but I got most of it. It wasn't any better than the rest of the movie. It's almost unwatchable and more than forgettable, not nearly on par with the original or the remake.

Texas Frightmare Weekend 2015: Day Three

 

 

Boo, Sunday! The most depressing and sad day of the convention, obviously because it is the last. I still managed to have a good time, though, because I still had four people to meet and a ton of swag to buy. I figured I better pick out my swag first so I could get what I wanted so I headed straight for my favorite vendor tables!

 

Actually I did pick up one t-shirt the day before, and it was a good thing I did because it seemed like it sold out really fast. I really wanted to find a good Child's Play shirt this year and this is what I got:

 

 

Also at Pallbearer Press, I got this sweet Hellraiser shirt that I've been wanting all year, and a really cool Bride of Frankenstein/Frankensten one.

 

 

For all my fellow females out there, I also picked out an awesome skull rhinestone studded purse, a Scream bracelet, an Alfred Hitchcock necklace, Frankenstein's monster earrings, and a skull leather wristband (the other one came in my VIP bag).

 

 

I also love buttons.

 

 

And great DVD deals.

 

 

Victoria Price was back again on Sunday, so I decided to embarrass myself a little bit and tell her how her presentation about her father the day before made me cry some happy tears. I'm not sure how that came off to her, but she was still a lovely lady and really seemed to appreciate all the kind words everyone had for her about her father. She had these great pictures of him that she was signing so I snagged one.

 

 

 

I kept forgetting to get Skeet Ulrich on Saturday, but I definitely couldn't forget today! He was very nice and chatty, and talked about how much fun he was having at Frightmare when I asked him (because this was his first con). I told him he needs to come back obvs because Frightmare is the best! Sweet guy, gave me a nice hug. A lot taller than I thought he was! Oh, how I love Scream! This was so cool for me, you have no idea.

 

 

 

Next up was a Q&A panel with Kim Coates. I wanted to hear some cool stories from Sons of Anarchy, but he actually mostly talked about his other movies - that I stupidly did not even realize he was in. He had great things to say about his experiences on Waterworld and Battlefield Earth, and also Black Hawk Down and Pearl Harbor. Crap, now I have to go back and watch all of those movies for him! Kim was such a great talker, very funny, and kept us all entertained and intrigued through the whole panel. Loved this!

 

If I can figure out how to upload the videos I took with my phone during this panel, I'll add them on later.

 

Only two autographs left on my list. Another guest at the con who was never without a line all weekend was the awesome and amazing Sid Haig. He was so wonderful to his fans, hanging around as long as he needed to make sure that he got through everyone in his line. I even heard later that he stayed after hours on Sunday to give free autographs and pictures to the TFW volunteers. Classy dude, definitely. I told Sid how bummed I was that I missed the Spiderbaby screening that they had Thursday night, and just gave him overall praise for being a cool dude. I asked him what his favorite movie of his was, and he said that he doesn't really have a favorite, that they are all his "babies." Great quote and great guy! Tutti fuckin' frutti.

 

 

 

My last meet was with Cassandra Peterson, better known as Elvira, but she wasn't at her table at this time. And since she was right across from where AJ Bowen was signing at the Fangoria table, I thought Hey! Why don't I go talk to AJ again while I'm waiting? AJ has worked with Simon Barrett and Adam Wingard on A Horrible Way to Die and You're Next, and both of those films were shot in Simon's hometown of Columbia, Missouri, which is about 30 minutes from where I was born and raised and still live. We talked about COMO and the house from You're Next, and then I asked for another picture which he was cool with. Then because I was being a shameless fangirl the whole weekend, I asked if I could give him a kiss on the cheek.

 

Seriously, though, I don't just have a schoolgirl crush on him. He's really my favorite actor right now because I'm just so impressed and awed by how natural and real he is in all of his roles. He never looks like he's acting, but the choices he's made have created some really great characters, especially Garrick Turrell from A Horrible Way to Die.

 

I'm a little perturbed that both of these pictures are blurry, but whatevs. He also has on the same "Stephen King Rules" shirt that I have, so more cool points to him.

 

 

Elvira time! She was only going to be at her table until a certain time today, so our meeting was little rushed so she could get to everybody in her line, but I still got a great picture of her signed and a great picture with her! I asked her how long it takes to get ready as Elvira - almost two hours! - and what all that hair feels like - hot! Very cool last meeting for the con!

 

 

 

After this, I was pretty well done with the con. The day was winding down, guests had to catch flights back home and vendors were packing up. To end my epic Frightmare posts, here are some great cosplays that I got pictures of!

 

Dream Warriors, man! Probably the most creative cosplay of the weekend.

This guy had such a freaky resemblance to Ryan Hurst as Opie on Sons of Anarchy.

Viddy well, droogs!

A female Chucky! Love it.

This Sam even had the sucker!

Yes! Blade and Six Shooter!!!

Okay, really loved this Frank from Hellraiser. Great idea!

American Mary, nice!

Of course these guys were back!

No way! Great Beetlejuice costumes!

This kid was awesome.

KISS rocks!

What a cute little Gizmo.

Otis and Baby! She's even got the pose down.

I sent this picture to a friend who is a big Manson fan and she thought it was really him at first. Another cosplayer with a freaky resemblance to their character!

 

Well, that's all she wrote, folks. Another fantastic weekend that gave me so many great memories and made so many of my dreams come true! Can I really wait a whole 'nother year to do this all again? Thank you once again to Texas Frightmare Weekend, Loyd Cryer, and all of the guests, vendors, volunteers, and my fellow attendees! I can't talk enough about how much I love this show and how much I look forward to it every year. Each trip has been significantly different from the previous shows, but it has always been the most wonderful time with the most wonderful people.

 

Congratulations, Frightmare, on TEN YEARS of being the best horror convention around! See you next year!

 

 

My DAY ONE recap is right here...

... here is my DAY TWO recap!

 

 

Movie Review: Spider Baby (1968)

A cult classic that boasts the subtitle "The Maddest Story Ever Told," Spider Baby is a fantastic dark comedy that must have freaked out audiences in the 60s.

Get caught in the web: Cared for by the family chauffeur Bruno, the three Merrye children - Virginia, Elizabeth, and Ralph - live an isolated existence in their home because they suffer from a degenerative age-regression brain disease. When other members of the family come by one day with their greedy lawyer and his assistant to sue them for the family fortune, they are caught up in the Merrye's twisted web of madness.

This film is incredibly charming and lovable despite the mostly macabre subject matter. The reason for this is that the craziness is dealt with in a delightfully humorous way and it will have you chuckling to yourself in the moments were you would normally be creeped out. Spider Baby was apparently a labor of love for filmmaker Jack Hill and thank goodness he was determined to get it out there (it was made in '64, I believe, but lived in limbo before being released in '68) because I think this just became a new favorite of mine.

There are two wonderful known actors here with some incredible unknowns in the leads. Lon Chaney Jr. is the kind-hearted Bruno who vows to protect the Merrye children as much as he can despite their murderous tendencies. Sid Haig plays a mostly silent role as Ralph, who is probably the oldest of the children and therefore the most afflicted by the disease that plagues them. Jill Banner portrays Virginia in her film debut, and was my favorite character in the whole thing, especially when she's "playing spider" with people. Beverly Washburn as Elizabeth is actually not as enjoyable, as she just stands there with wide eyes and says her creepy lines in a high voice.

There is also Carol Ohmart, recognizable as Vincent Price's wife from the original House on Haunted Hill. She has a few lovely moments in the film, and not just when she is running around in sexy black lingerie (with straps!). As the greedy cousin Emily, she seems determined to believe that they are only acting crazy to scare them away. The dinner scene is amazing and hilarious. Virginia and Elizabeth serve everybody a nutritious meal of mushrooms (and she made sure to only pick the non-poisonous ones, thank goodness), spiders, bugs, and what looks like dried grass or straw for salad. Ohmart's character tries to remain unfazed, while the other cousin, Peter, hilariously compliments them on their dishes and seems way too nice and cooperative to be real. He keeps trying to win over both groups of people, and even Elizabeth and Virginia take a liking to him, although apparently not enough to make them spare him so he won't "tell anybody." It's okay, though, he survives.

The violence in the film is real, and these nutjobs really do kill people in it but it is subdued and not at all gory or bloody. Virginia seems the most likely to murder, as we see in the beginning how she likes to play like a spider (and in a few instances, she likes to eat real ones as well - naaaaaasty) by catching and tying people up and "biting" them with two long butcher knives.

The score for the film is quite trippy and bubbly at times and fits the tone of the film so well; a tone that is introduced during the opening credit sequence. Lon Chaney reads some kind of weird poem about the movie, often doing a hearty laugh to pinpoint the craziness he is talking about.

The film is bookended with an older Peter at first reading from a book of Rare and Peculiar Diseases, highlighting the Merrye Syndrome and saying that it was extinguished forever 10 years ago, when the film takes place. However, since then, Peter has married the lawyer's assistant and had a daughter who is about 10 years old... which we learned in the beginning is when the Merrye Syndrome first afflicts the victim. Then the film ends with Peter's daughter playing outside and being fascinated by a spider. Ha, get it? She's got the disease! And then to really put a dollop of delicious icing on this cupcake of a movie, we get an end title card that says "The End," which then changes to "The End ? ". Love it. Love it to pieces.

As an obvious inspiration for so many other "crazy killer family" movies out there (it's so obvious I don't think I need to mention them), Spider Baby is a you-totally-have-to-watch-this-movie movie for any fan of horror. It is an unexpected joy that is so much fun to watch.