Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Movie Roundup: V/H/S: Viral, Repentance, and The Fifth Element

V/H/S: Viral (2014)
More Nacho Vigalondo in the roundup today, friends. But his appearance here is both good and bad. Overall, V/H/S: Viral made me pretty angry while I was watching it because it so immensely shitty. I didn't totally love either of the first two films, but they each had some really solid stand-out segments that were put together with a semi-decent wraparound story. This third installment, though, basically has no wraparound story - or at least not one that really makes any sense or is explained all that well. The individual segments then just feel sort of there, with no real cohesion. "Dante the Great" was actually pretty cool with its flashy visuals and neat special effects but it didn't match the style of any of the previous V/H/S segments so it feels really out of place; Nacho's "Parallel Monsters" was probably the best one; and then it all goes to shit with the last segment "Bonestorm" and then the conclusion of the wraparound. Really wasn't feeling this movie at all, or maybe it's just that the V/H/S movies have run their course. Let's hope so, because I don't know if there is any coming back from this.

Repentance (2014)
I was curious about this one because Forest Whitaker is obviously THE MAN, and it was sorta recommended to me in a roundabout way. So anyway, the movie is about a life coach who needs money when his deadbeat brother comes back into his life, so he takes on a personal client in Angel Sanchez (Whitaker). But Angel gets all unnerved when the coach stops his therapy, so he kidnaps him and holds him hostage in his home. The torture that Angel inflicts is actually pretty harsh at times, which doesn't really mesh with the movie's tone. It says "psychological thriller" but it could just as easily be a straight-up drama, even if the main character didn't lose any fingers. Or get shot. The ending is ambiguous, so we don't really get to find out either way. Overall Repentance feels like a way more intense Lifetime movie that thinks it's saying something really poignant, but isn't really saying anything at all. Sadly, Whitaker isn't worth this one - it's a miss.

The Fifth Element (1997)
Yeah, I had never seen The Fifth Element until like, two months ago. So how could NO ONE tell me how awesome this movie was for the past EIGHTEEN YEARS?! I mean, oh my goodness, The Fifth Element is just such a joyous feast for the eyes and ears from start to finish. It has Bruce Willis, Chris Tucker, Gary Motherfucking Oldman, Milla Jovovich, and all kinds of futuristic shenanigans that had me so fucking mesmerized and amazed. And I LOVE Luc Besson, too, so I had to kick myself in the ass even harder for not seeing this sooner. Just go ahead and chastise me, I know I deserve it.


  1. Christ Tucker! I suppose no one told you because they assumed you say it already. You're very interesting. Hope you got my e-mail!

    1. Ah, brain fart! My mind said Tucker but my fingers said Rock.

  2. Am I the only person who doesn't like The Fifth Element? It's not fun, it's not funny, it's not dramatic, it's just...a thing that exists...

  3. Ugh...Viral.
    Somebody get the creative team from the second movie back and save this franchise! 8U