Movie Review: It's Alive (2008)

Yeah, I liked It's Alive. WHEN IT WAS CALLED GRACE.

But actually, I wasn't too crazy about that movie either. Two movies of evil people-eating and blood-drinking babies with their crazy protective mothers is quite enough for me, thank you very much.

Bijou Phillips is Lenore, a young grad student who moves in with her boyfriend, Frank, before giving birth. The baby is unusually large and must be delivered by C-section early. Something horrible happens in the operating room and all the doctors and nurses are killed, and Lenore soon thinks her new baby Daniel is responsible when his appetite becomes whetted by more than just milk.

I know I've seen the original, but like most other movies that I've only seen once many years ago, I don't really remember it. I think I kinda liked it. But this remake is just really bad and completely unnecessary. The plot is thin, the acting mediocre, and it's only good point is the occasional funny evil baby effects which made me laugh from the combined silliness and awesomeness.

I'm pretty sure that if you lose count of all the times you scoff at a movie or throw your hands up in disgust at some stupid line or action, then that means the movie is not working for you. I just don't get movies like this, or Grace for that matter, where the people act like complete 'tards covering up the savage murders by these babies. Yeah, yeah, mothers will do anything to protect their children and all that junk, but what is the real message behind this? What are these movies really trying to say? Anything? Anybody?... Bueller? Yeah, I didn't think so. There's no substance here.

And there's no explanation for Cannibal Daniel or why or how he's able to move around and kill cats and birds and people. They make a lame attempt at this when Lenore tells Frank that when she first found out she was pregnant, she and her friend got some pills off the internet that would give her a "natural miscarriage." Lenore takes them and gets really sick, but still remains pregnant anyway. And her baby grows really fast. And he's somehow able to bite his dad's finger when he's only a couple days old. And he can walk or crawl and climb around on stuff and attack people.

So this is where the good stuff comes in. The audience hardly ever sees Daniel throughout most of the movie because he always seems to be in his crib sleeping (convenient, eh?) but we do get little glimpses here and there. A hand with claw-like nails and part of his head or whatever is all we get until close to the climax where the baby is finally seen in full view. He looks just like the baby from the original, which is nice and all that, but it's no big surprise. The fun part is when you see Daniel attacking the female cop at the end, leaving a bloody mess all over the kitchen floor. Or when his little hand punches through the cheek of Lenore's friend. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

Please, mothers, if your new baby ever starts to leave nasty teeth marks on your nipple, or eat animals and/or people, do not try to hide it and just kill the damn thing. I mean, seriously. It's kind of obvious that he or she is not a normal baby. Again this can be partially explained in the movie because the house that Lenore and Frank live in is very isolated (beautiful setting, by the way) but still. Frank never notices anything until it's too late and Lenore just acts all crazy like everything is normal and hides the bodies. Dumb... so dumb.

Mediocre film with a few nice bits of gore. It tries to be all creepy and intense but it's mostly laughable and nothing special.

Sidenote: I also watched Eat, Pray, Love along with It's Alive last night and I liked that movie, too. WHEN IT WAS CALLED UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN. It was like the worst attempt at a chick flick that I've ever seen. Ugh.