Movie Review: Creepy Crawlers (2000)

 

What a seriously surprisingly fun movie! I picked up Creepy Crawlers (aka They Nest), a TV movie from 2000, at my convention over two years ago because it was cheap and looked cool. But t's just been sitting on my shelf ever since then. I finally decided to pop it in tonight, and wish I had done so much sooner! I didn't know anything about the movie before, so I was, again, surprised to see in the opening credits that the movie was directed by Ellory Elkayem, whom you should all know and love from Eight Legged Freaks.

After having some problems at work because of his alcoholism caused by a divorce, Dr. Ben Cahill takes a forced vacation at his second home on a small island in Maine. He's not welcomed by some of the locals, especially when a few of them wind up mysteriously dead. It turns out that a massive hoard of rare cockroaches have taken over the island, made all the more deadly by the way they nest inside their hosts.

Creepy Crawlers is most definitely Elkayem's warm-up or practice film to do before Eight Legged Freaks was released two years later. The quirky, fun-spirited tone of Eight Legged Freaks is completely present in Creepy Crawlers, and it is heightened mostly by the acting and music. The situation still feels real and dangerous, and there are some really great gross-out and hilariously shocking moments here. The story moves fast, although it does go a little too fast at the end, when the climax comes too quickly and is not quite as satisfying as it should have been.

Thomas Calabro (of Melrose Place fame) as Cahill is more goofy than sincere in his role, but it works perfectly in the movie, especially when he's up against the resident, "all-outsiders-suck," islanders. Instead of acting all somber and depressed like you'd think a divorcee would, Cahill is actually refreshingly okay with his situation and just seems to be trying to make the best of it. He's quite charming and likable, as is Nell, the requisite unencumbered hot island girl with whom Cahill could have a chance. They don't push the issue too hard, though, which I really liked.

As a sidestory to the cockroach problem, there is also something going on with one particular man on the island, Jack Wald, who is angry with Cahill for buying his family home that was taken by the bank. He in turn has some friends that are behind him, and cause some extra shenanigans with Cahill, the sheriff, and Nell when they obviously have more pressing matters at hand. Instead of feeling out-of-place, though, this actually does add some extra conflict to the plot which otherwise might have been too easy to get out of - just get off the island.

The effects are pretty great! Like I said before, there are some good gross-out moments, like the cockroaches in the chicken, when Cahill gets a roach on his fork while having dinner with Nell. Of course there are some computer-animated roaches in there, but it's to be expected and it looks fine, especially when they have to have a whole hoard of them in the barn sequence or when they are crawling all over people. Possibly the most surprising moment comes when the roaches attack Sheriff Hobbs, in a pure "The fuck?!" scene. The effects of the roaches as they burrow inside people are okay, but I would have really like to see a scene where they full-on burst out of the host, like we assume we do based on all the dead animals bodies lying around, but maybe that would have been too much for TV. Also, look forward to a great cockroach vs. hamster chase sequence.

Creepy Crawlers (I think the official title is actually They Nest but Creepy Crawlers is the DVD I got) is a wonderful little animals run amok movie with a great personality. The climax has a great setup, but it needed just a bit more tension to make it really explosive and satisfying. Otherwise, really fun movie! I loved it!

Book Review: "Yeitso" by Scott M. Baker

Thanks to the people at Author Marketing Experts for hooking me up with author Scott M. Baker and his new horror-thriller novel, Yeitso. And thank you to Scott Baker himself for leaving me two awesome notes to go with the book! How amazing, I love being able to have that kind of connection to the author of stuff that I'm reviewing! The description of the novel was delightfully intriguing, yet cryptic, so I wasn't really sure what I was in store for. But to my immense surprise, Yeitso was completely unlike any other horror book that I have read recently, and it is a wonderful nod to one of my favorite subsets of the horror genre.

When New York City detective Russell Andrews moves his teenage daughter to small desert town in New Mexico called Los Alamos to be the Chief of Police, he expected it to be a quiet and safer change of pace from the big city. Not long after the starts his new job, though, a young man is brutally killed and another girl disappears. But the evidence does not point to a typical murder, and in fact reveals the truth about a huge danger that lurks in the desert, something unlike anything seen before.

The first thing that is a sign to me of a good book is if it has likable and believable characters. The main focus is on Russell, and he is portrayed as just being your typical good guy, a little haunted by his past work as a cop in NYC and the affect it had on his relationship with his family, but still hopeful that things will all work out. I was happy that Russell's daughter Kiera was not a clichéd police officer's child who scorns his rules and is all rebellious, causing problems. To a point, she does loathe having the Chief for a father, mainly because of what it does to her social life, but she loves him to death and wants to protect him. Kiera became my favorite character in the scene where she first encounters the mean girls at school, and pretty much annihilates them with her New York girl attitude. I also loved Kiera's immediate approval of her father's new girlfriend, police officer Molly Collins. Molly is a sweetheart, but also a no-nonsense that's not afraid to get her hands dirty when the craziness starts. Entomologist Anne Sheridan is a great addition to the ensemble as the one who provides all the useful information about the big bad in the book.

If you want to know just what is going on with Yeitso, the cover should give you a little hint. But even that is misleading, because with this book, it seems Baker is channeling Franz Kafka, in a way, as he makes the villain in the piece be... giant beetles! How fun is that? And before you go thinking that beetles don't seem that scary or like that big of a threat, let me just tell you that you are wrong. Creature features are a much-beloved horror subgenre of yours truly, and I loved the stuff that Baker brought to this table with Yeitso. The beetles are not genetically altered or anything, they've just survived underground for many years and are freed on the modern world by way of a landslide.

Author Scott M. Baker

The beetles are able to create a lot of nastiness because they can shoot out a burning acid at their victims, and later on, their mandibles work wonderfully as a giant pair of scissors to cut through human bodies. Though the book is not a gore fest or anything really extreme like that, it still has enough wonderfully graphic descriptions to satisfy my love for some good ol' creature feature fun. In the beginning, there is just one big bug to deal with and when that one is spectacularly dealt with (by Molly of all people!), most of the middle part of the book is spent on Russell and team searching the desert for any nests of baby beetle pupae. This is where the book loses a bit of its momentum when all the action pretty much stops. However, Baker is still able to build the right amount of tension for the conclusion because of the constant talk of the annual rave that will take place in the desert. Admittedly, this climax was not the full-on massacre that I was expecting - but I guess since most of the victims would have been high school age kids, that would have been kind of wrong.

With some wonderfully drawn, likable characters; a worthy and unusual foe; and a nice pacing that sets just the right mood, Scott Baker's Yeitso is a very entertaining thrill ride that I loved every word of. It was a welcome change from the vampire, werewolf, and zombie stories that I've been reading lately (not that I don't still love all those) and it manages to be just as exciting as any of those stories. I would definitely suggest giving this one a chance!

Buy Yeitso here!

Movie Review: Big Ass Spider! (2013)

There's really no introduction needed for today's movie. It's called Big Ass Spider! (exclamation point included) and whatever crosses your mind when you imagine a movie with that title, you're probably right. But don't be thinking anything bad, though, because Big Ass Spider! is actually pretty great and a movie that is incredibly fun to watch.

Exterminator Alex is a guy who ends up being in the right place at the wrong time when a body shows up at the hospital carrying a spider that is bigger than anything he's ever seen. With the help of a hospital security guard, Alex starts tracking the spider, along with the military, through the city as it continues to grow to epic proportions, the result of some accidental interaction with alien growth hormone.

As the title implies about itself, this movie understands what kind of movie it is and plays to that expectation every chance it gets. Right off the bat, the movie hides nothing from us, as it starts with a flash forward to the end when the enormous spider is fighting off helicopters at the top of a skyscraper (hm, I wonder what that is a reference to), all with some sweeping slow motion and a ballad playing over it that has nothing to do with what is happening on screen. After that the fun really starts, even as the movie goes through the usual motions of meeting the characters and setting up the plot. Though it's not exactly laugh-out-loud funny, the movie keeps up a constant humorous tone throughout, even through some of the more mundane scenes. I know I had a smile on my face practically the whole time I was watching it.

Alex Mathis is my kind of everyday nice guy, played adorably by Greg Grunberg. Lombardo Boyar plays his enthusiastic sidekick Jose, who is responsible for most of the comedy. Other important roles are Ray Wise as Major Braxton and he expertly delivers each line like only an awesome B-movie actor could. Clare Kramer (wahoo for a Buffy reference! She was the Big Bad in season five, Glory) is Lieutenant Carly Brant, the requisite hot chick in a power position role. I saw in Buffy that she has a knack for comedy so I was a little disappointed that they didn't use that much of her full talent here. My only real problem with the movie is that the requisite love story between Alex and Carly felt so incredibly forced, and nothing about it was believable. These two characters had hardly any interaction with each other and by the end, they are in love and kissing. It's like the filmmakers felt like they had to give the nice guy a girl at the end, so they just kinda said, "yeah, these two totally like each other! Don't you see it?" Eh, not really.

Being the horror nut that I am and given my usual reaction to movies like this, my favorite part of the movie has got to be when the spider rampages the park. We get an excellent introduction to this scene by none other than Lloyd Kaufman himself, who plays a random jogger that falls victim to the spider. After that, utter chaos ensues as the giant arachnid plows its way through as many park-goers as it can. It grabs people with its web and quickly eats them (I'm not sure that's biologically correct, but I am so over such trivialities at this point in the movie), and uses its legs to stab several people through the chest. What makes this scene even more hilarious is the gaggle of girls who provide the TandA of the film, as they are playing volleyball in a family park wearing practically nothing.

The poster really says it all, people - Big Ass Spider! is exactly what you'd want; it's hilarious; it's a great time at the movies; and yes, it is even surprisingly clever. It doesn't always take the obvious plot turns when you think it will and its great cast help make the unbelievable seem believable. Big Ass Spider! is definitely one to pick up for a fun movie night.

Movie Review: Bad Milo! (2013)

A movie with a premise like the one in Bad Milo should not be this good. It really shouldn't. But, as a lover of all things horror (even the really, really weird) and as a bored chick looking for something funny to watch the other day, I figured I had to at least give Bad Milo a chance. Hey, if a movie is stupid you can always turn it off, right? There was never a second where I wanted to turn off Bad Milo, though. The movie definitely uses the strangest metaphor I've ever seen for the problems a man is having in his life, but dang if they didn't deal with it in a way that made me totally love it.

It's a stressful life for poor Duncan, who has to deal with growing pressures at work and at home. Mixed with some pretty nasty gastrointestinal problems, and Duncan's stress soon manifests itself as an actual creature that lives in his bowels and pops out occasionally to kill all of the people that are causing Duncan problems. With the aid of a very strange therapist, Duncan tries to get to the root of his, uh, internal problem, before the creature kills everyone in his life!

If you come into the movie with the right attitude, Bad Milo will be able to take your probably extremely low expectations and flip them on on their head. Let's just get things straight here again: the movie is about a creature who lives in a dude's ass. A two-foot tall creature with a fairly gigantic head and sharp, sharp teeth and nails. In Duncan's butt. The movie has the absurdity of little creature features from the 80s like Critters, Ghoulies, or Gremlins (the obvious comparisons) but Bad Milo at least tries to go beyond the basics of its absurd plot to help tell the tale of a normal guy with normal problems that need fixing. A problem I had, though, was that the problems in Duncan's life really didn't seem all that major to cause him so much stress. There are worse things in life than just your mother nagging you about having a baby, just sayin'.

A big part of Bad Milo's success is the impressive cast, led by the very competent Ken Marino as Duncan. He plays Duncan as the perfect everyman, just a good guy who gets stepped on and controlled by everyone around him and doesn't have the guts (HAHA, see what I did there?) to stand up for himself. The guy playing the doctor that Duncan and his wife Sarah are visiting at the beginning was hilarious through his entire scene, playing the kind of the doctor that you both want and don't want for yourself. Strange bedside manner. Mary Kay Place as Duncan's mother is also funny, considering a certain reveal near the end, and Stephen Root is fantastic as always as Duncan's dad Roger. Peter Stormare practically steals the show from everyone as the New Age-y, hippie type therapist Highsmith. It still surprises me to see Stormare be so funny in different roles. It's hard for me to get him as Grimsrud from Fargo out of my head whenever I see him in something else! Anyway, aces all around in the casting department.

Oh, and Milo. He's funny, ugly, and adorable all at the same time. The movie sets its own precedent for Milo's existence as being based on some kind of myth about this creature being a manifestation of your subconscious and being able to carry out your darkest desires for you. And apparently that turns into a bulbous, wrinkly, flesh-colored thing that can thrive in the anus. Sure. Why not. Milo doesn't talk but instead makes these little chittering noises, kind of like Gizmo from Gremlins. Milo is also a very nice looking practical puppet who is perhaps just as good an actor as anybody else. And he's practical pretty much all the way through, I think - maybe they snuck in some CGI while I wasn't looking, but I still like. Could Milo become a new cult favorite monster? We'll see!

Most surprising about the movie is that given the premise, it never gets into that really crude or juvenile area of humor that I hate that so much. Of course there is toilet humor to a degree but it is not done in a stupid, "pooping is funny" way so I didn't mind it at all. A lot of the comedy comes from just the characters' personalities and the perfect timing by the actors - and also from this one really great scene where a woman refuses to reciprocate oral sex, which is of course funny to me because movies usually show the situation as a guy dissing a girl after she's done the deed, know what I mean? Good move, girlfriend. Undoubtedly the best scene of the movie is the little montage of Duncan and Milo living together in a motel room, while they try to bond with each other - and while Duncan tries to get Milo to want to eat something other than humans. It's a pretty hilarious and strangely touching scene at the same time. There's also this weird parallel between Duncan and Milo's relationship and Duncan's reluctance to be a father but they actually made that work out alright in the end.

There are times when the pacing is a little off and there are dialogue-heavy gaps between funny or action scenes, but Bad Milo is still a joy. It's definitely heavy on the quirk side but a great cast and a great overall attitude and tone make this one that anybody could dig.



You might also want to take note of the fact that Milo bites a penis off at one point. I'm not really sure why I had to add that in here... just an interesting tidbit to make you more curious...

Movie Review: Grabbers (2012)

What could be more satisfying on a winter's night than curling up on my comfy couch and watching a movie about hilarious drunken Irish men and women fighting a giant alien squid? Nothing, I tell you. NOTHING. There are some movies that you just know you're going to love, you know? I first read about Grabbers quite a while ago, saved it in my Netflix queue and eagerly awaited the day that they would add it. They finally did (weeks ago, actually, but I'm a well-known procrastinator) and tonight I had the pleasure of viewing it. 

On a small Irish island, two police officers lead the town in a fight against a huge blood-sucking, squid-like alien creature. After figuring out that the creatures don't like the toxic level of alcohol in their victim's blood, the entire town proceeds to get drunk while still trying to kill the creature.

Despite heavy influences, or at least close reminders, of other horror comedy creature features like Tremors, Grabbers is a movie that really seemed to find its niche and roll with it. Though the film is specific to its location, the jokes can easily be enjoyed by people of any country. Is it racist to say that Irish people are funny just because they're Irish? I love the accents, and they way they call people things like "gobshite" and use "feck" to replace "fuck." The humor is not dirty, but rather the quick-witted commonplace humor from everyday situations, and that is something that I can always appreciate. 

Special effects-wise, Grabbers delivers. There's the usual fair at the beginning of the film where the monster is only heard and not seen, and we only see the little grabbers first before seeing the big daddy grabber at the end, but what they give us is quite wonderful. There's nothing particularly ingenious about the design of the creature; really, it's just an octopus with a lot more legs and without the creepy bulbous head. There's a circular mouth in the middle where a smaller tentacle shoots out and attacks. With the well-rendered CGI, the way the creature moves and reacts with its environment, the movie is given just the right amount of semi-realism to be both believable and funny at the same time, which is something a movie in this genre needs. How the grabbers "walk" was probably my favorite part, as they had all of the, oh about 30 legs or so making it roll around like a ball. 

The only real flaw in the movie is the lack of explanation for the creature. It is, in fact, an alien, which we get from the requisite flaming-ball-of-rock-hurtling-toward-Earth scene at the beginning. At the risk of thinking too much into the situation, I don't really see how this thing could be from another planet. They figure out that the creature needs only blood and water to survive, two things that I'm pretty sure still don't exist on other planets yet. I digress. I really don't care that much about the non-explanation, but it did need to be pointed out. The alcohol thing, while probably mostly done for hilarity's sake, is a simplistic yet workable solution for the situation, so I'm cool with that, too. 

You'll love all the characters here. There's the curly-haired, lovable Garda (police officer) O'Shea and his new partner, the adorably eager Lisa Nolan, as our two main characters, and they're both a joy to watch throughout the film. When the drinking starts in the last act, Lisa (actress Ruth Bradley) proves herself to be the cutest drunk ever. Seriously, she's adorable. There are many yucks to be had from the rest of the townspeople as well, like the dorky marine ecologist Smith, the town crazy Paddy, and the dirty-minded pub owner's wife Una. All their little actions and quirks were wonderfully timed and executed, even though some of them could have a used a bit more character development so they that they didn't seem as much like the usual Hollywood stereotypes of what Irish people are like. 

Grabbers is one of those movies that there should be a lot more of. On the surface it seems like a silly, light-hearted comedy with a crazy monster in it, but the film is really very smart and uses good thought to get our characters out of this insane situation. Some movies just have that cute factor about them. Grabbers is a cute movie and I'm sure you'll love it. You also might need the subtitles like I did to catch all that Irish humor, though!

Movie Review: Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

Sorry to be doing the same review as you this week, Alec, but that's how it went with the movies I said I was going to review next. Definitely don't think I'll be stealing your thunder on this one, though. I mean, I enjoyed Humanoids from the Deep enough for what it was, and I really enjoyed the ridiculousness of it, but at some points it's just not that good of a movie.

What? It's not supposed to be a good movie, you say? Oh, thank goodness. Glad we got that out of the way. Moving on!

A seaside town is suddenly beset by a host of human-like fish creatures, who wreak havoc on the town and mate with all the lovely young girls they come upon. Cue the requisite semi-hot female marine biologist who has all the answers and the ragtag group of townspeople who fight the monsters.

So first of all, I gotta say that I loved one of the first shots of the movie. Right before the guys go out on the boat, there is a hilarious shot of a freaking one-legged seagull, whom I am nominating as the real star of the film. Like, was that just dumb luck or what? If so, that's pretty dang lucky because if you happened to notice it, that shot was simply awesome.

From then on, the movie seems to be solely about fish monster rape and explosions. That's kind of all I got from it. I mean, this plot is incredibly thin. No time is wasted with coming up with credible plot points or character development - heck, I barely remember any of the characters's names. I think the main guy is like a John or a Jake or something. No... Jim, sorry. But why am I even expecting anything more than what's on the surface from Humanoids from the Deep anyway? Let's check out the fun stuff.

The fish monsters are pretty much just like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, with some added long gorilla arms and a weird bulging brain on the outside of its head. Razor-sharp teeth and lots of seaweed draped over their shoulders completes the look. The fish monsters focus on using their claws to gash anybody that gets in the way of them finding the girls who look the best naked to make whoopie with. So of course there's no shortage of boobs here, much like every other slasher movie from the 80s.

Soon after the first nubile coed is manhandled by a fish monster, we get probably one of the best pre-sex scenes between two young people EVER in a horror movie. I give you: A guy, a girl, a tent on the beach, and a ventriloquist dummy. Let the seduction begin. If this part doesn't have you saying "What the fuck?" then I don't know what else will. But it's hilarious.

Like I said, explosions and fire are another big thing in Humanoids from the Deep. In the first scene (where a poor little boy becomes the first fish monster victim) there's a huge boat explosion on the water. Not long after that, the nice Indian's house is blown up by the racist townies. And not long after that, a girl dies when a fish monster attacks her while she's driving a truck, the truck skids off a bridge, and - you guessed it - it explodes. The big fight at the end when the fish monsters attack the Noyo Salmon Festival (wow, what exciting lives these people do lead) also includes some nice fire effects - a little kids makes the best creature kill when he throws a flaming javelin at one of them. See what I mean? Fish monster rape and explosions. Obviously that's all you need to make a film.

I must say, about the final fight, though, that the fish monsters make a surprising great entrance at the Salmon Festival by busting up through the dock. Thumbs up, guys.

The gore scenes throughout are pretty good. A bit more graphic than I was expecting, only because I was expecting the filmmakers to hide the fact that they probably had a shitty makeup effects team. There's lots of face- and body-gouging and stabbing and shooting of the creatures, and one great little bit where a creature rips at this guy's neck and there's like, a ton of blood spraying out. All this stuff actually looks very good (aside from the too-bright blood) and I was pleasantly impressed.

The final scene comes as no big shock. With all the aforementioned fish monster rape and that one girl who is left alive after the attack, you should have guessed that the climax would involve something that is a cute little mish-mash of the birthing scene from The Fly and the bursting-through-the-chest scene from Alien. One thing I'm a tad fuzzy on though is the intentions of Dr. Drake. It seemed like at the end that she got herself involved in all this because she actually wanted the fish monsters to mate with a human and see what comes out. Yes? No? Probably. Scientists are stupid like that sometimes.

So that's Humanoids from the Deep! Light on plot, heavy on fish monster rape and explosions. And that's about it.

Graboid Week: Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)

The legend begins and the series ends! Thank you! Because this frankly unnecessary fourth chapter in the Tremors Book of Awesomeness simply does not live up to the rest of the films, especially the first one.

The end of the Graboids: It's 1889 in the town of Rejection, Nevada, and the town's only lifeblood is the nearby silver mine. When several workers are killed by an unseen beast and the mine closes, the owner, Hiram Gummer (Michael Gross), comes from Philadelphia to check things out. New graboids have hatched and the people of Rejection vow to fight them off rather than leave their town.

Oh, Tremors 4, where did you go wrong? Well for one thing, you're BORING. Bo-ring. There are way too many lulls in action throughout the entire movie and not enough freaking graboid action! I had to watch this movie again in about three sittings because it couldn't hold my interest enough for the duration. There's a little bit of action, then a 20 minute lull, then a bit more action, then a lull... blah blah blah.

Michael Gross takes an interesting turn with his new character of the snooty mine owner who is completely out of place in the Wild West. His dialogue is still rather funny, but nothing laugh-out-loud. All the other main characters are nothing special, although it's nice to see that one guy who played Randolph in Free Willy. Remember him? He plays Tecopa, the Native American who tells his ancestors' legends of beasts in the dirt. How convenient.

The only other character of note is Black Hand Kelly, the outlaw gunfighter Hiram brings in to help fight the graboids. He has a few nice moments, especially when he's trying to teach Hiram how to shoot a gun, but he's soon eatted up by a big ole graboid...  and you wonder why he was even there in the first place. His death is one of the few in the entire movie, which is kind of a disappointment. You'd think with all the people just walking around like they do that some unlucky soul would fall prey to the worms, but - and sorry to spoil the ending - all the main characters survive. They could have at least had one dramatic death to shake things up a bit, like Walter in the first movie, but not so much.

The acting is actually not terrible and thankfully never steeps into the cheesiness it comes so close to. This is a nice testament to both the writers and the actors and how they manage to keep the seriousness of the movies alive, despite their fantastical and potentially cheesy nature. The first movie wasn't really that much of a success financially and only gained its cult status through VHS sales and later on, through its numerous runs on television. It is much beloved by fans and the fact that it even had any sequels, much less three, shows that the filmmakers made them to satisfy the fans and didn't want to do wrong by them.

The mechanical graboids are back, people! But first we get to see them as cute little baby graboids that attack Hiram and the miners' camp near the mine. They're about two feet long and can come flying out of the dirt to bite people's heads off or in a coordinated effort pull people under the ground. The big daddy graboids they grow up to be look pretty awesome, especially when we get to see two of them come out of the ground at the same time. No CGI for these dudes, and you know that's how I like it. They look just as good as they did in the first film, orange mucus-y blood and all.

At the end, all three graboids are disposed of rather quickly and without much fanfare. The residents agree not to ever tell anyone about the "dirt dragons," which explains how since this is a prequel that there aren't any records of them like it was established in the first movie. The town's name is changed to Perfection, and everyone lives happily ever after. HO HUM.

Like I said, not as cool as the other movies. It's nice to see the graboids as babies and all, and Michael Gross provides a nice thread throughout the films, but this one was too slow and the comedy that gave the first movie its real charm just wasn't there. See it once just to see it, maybe, but don't expect much.

I could do a short review of the Tremors television series, but I am not THAT much of a dork, thank you very much. Plus, I've never seen any of the episodes and I don't want to go looking for them. Anybody seen them? Are they any good?

Graboid Week: Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)

Two down, two to go. As the title says, Tremors 3, the third installment of this monsterifically comedic series brings us back to the little desert town known as Perfection (always loved the  name, BTW) where the residents must once again fight off an invasion of the ancient graboid monsters.

Fans of the series will be ecstatic to see a lot of memorable faces from the first Tremors film - played by all the same actors - Burt (of course), Miguel, Nancy and Mindy, and Melvin, as well as a new proprietor of the grocery store, Jodi, who I'm thinking may be Walter Chang's granddaughter or something. I love that all these actors came back 11 years later for a straight-to-video sequel of a little monster movie. Shows they knew how popular and loved the series was and that they were willing to keep it that way.

It feels like this movie should be the concluding chapter of a trilogy with all the references to both the first and second movie. Perfection has become the Home of the Graboid with new tourists attractions and souvenirs at Chang's Market. The characters use a lot of the same techniques to fight the graboids and a cute little reference is made about the low-tech effects of a graboid heading toward people - dust blowing up and wooden fence posts being knocked down one by one. This happens during a tourist trap theme ride through Perfection Valley run by the very annoying Jack Sawyer.

The writers actually seemed to care enough about the "integrity" of the series to logically move this next movie forward in terms of the lore of the graboids and add in lots of fun new stuff about the new mutation the graboids take on. So their life cycle goes like this apparently: they go from graboid, to shrieker, to ass blaster, back to graboid. They lay dormant in their eggs for at least 300 years (???) before they grow up and wreak havoc.

Now these new mutants, the ass blasters (cleverly named by Jodi), have some interesting stuff going on. They can fly, they have flammable acids in their bodies, if they eat enough they go into a food coma, and they shoot off like rockets when flames come out of their butt. Gives 'em quite an edge but also makes them vulnerable to flaming arrows shot out of a quickly crafted potato gun. Good to know.

The thing I keep saying I love about the original movie was the use of a real mechanical graboid to interact with the actors, but for this movie the filmmakers seem to have forgotten how cool that was because nearly all the effects are CGI. Of course with flying ass blasters and stuff it would be almost impossible to do mechanical effects but most of the actual graboids are CG as well. It's neat to see the main graboid - a sterile albino dubbed "El Blanco" by Miguel - sort of undulating as he's eating someone or something but it just doesn't feel the same. It's too obvious and doesn't bring the same kind of realness that the other films had.

But this sequel isn't too bad. It moves faster than the second film and tries as hard as it can to be funny and ironic in some instances - and for the most part succeeds. I like the new character of Jodi, she's just as lovable and funny as Walter Chang and measures up well against Burt, who is funny simply because of who he is. And he gets a very cool little scene when he gets eatted up by a graboid while hiding in a barrel, and must be cut out of its stomach by Jack - with a chain saw. Awwwwwesome.

The sequence in the junk yard where Burt, Jack and Jodi take out the ass blasters with the aforementioned potato gun is well done. It also ends nicely when they force El Blanco into cannibalism by making him eat the last ass blaster. Gotta do what you gotta do.

At the end, El Blanco becomes Perfection's pet, kept around by the residents to prevent Melvin and his real estate company from building condos or whatever and "eminent domaning" them off of their property. I don't see this working out too well in the long run, but I wish them the best of luck. All in all, I'd say the series is still fairly strong with this installment. It's a quick, fun, and interesting monster movie that's loyal to the series - taking it as seriously as possible and bringing something new to the lore of the graboid. I don't hate it, I really don't. I'd still rather watch the first one, though, that goes without saying. You just can't beat that awesomeness.  

Also, R.I.P. Miguel! Not cool, filmmakers, not cool at all. Miguel was awesome. And when I can go see the Siegfried and Roy show with the live ass blaster?! Anybody got word on that? Free tickets or something?

Graboid Week: Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996)

Ah, Tremors 2. The beginning of the straight-to-video Tremors sequels brings us a new location, new graboids, new wit, and a new bromance love interest for Earl Bassett. It's not as good as the first film, but this sequel from 1996 (damn, I never realized there was such a gap between the two) is actually quite good.

They're back!: Graboids have been attacking people at an oil refinery in Mexico and Earl and the new guy, Grady Hoover, are brought in to eliminate the creatures for a big payday. Things seem to go alright for the monster hunters at first until the graboids reveal that they've got something new up their sleeves.

The movie starts off in a fun way with the reluctant Earl going down to Mexico with the overzealous fan Grady as his sidekick. In the first movie, there were only four graboids total that had to be dealt with, but the numbers have grown exponentially in the second film. There are some funny montages of the buddies blasting away at several graboids with a very cool weapon - dynamite attached to remote-controlled cars.

Unfortunately, it's almost an hour before the movie decides to up the ante with the graboids. Michael Gross shows up first and brings his comedic genius back to the role of Burt Gummer, who is still just as prepared as ever for World War 3. Nice to have you back, sir, truly. Anyway, his return helps stop the film from slowing down completely before the new twist on the movie shows up at about exactly hour one. That'd be my only complaint about the movie is that it takes a little too long to get to the new action. This is a sequel, you know, so something different has GOT to happen.

Things get interesting when Earl and Grady run into one of the creatures that's acting all sluggish and making weird noises. Hmm, what's going on? Turns out the big bastards have EVOLVED. One worm can morph into three cute little graboid-like bipeds with frog legs. The absolute funniest part of the movie is when Burt returns to the refinery after being ambushed by dozens of the creatures and gives a hilarious monologue about how he was able to fend them off. I would include it verbatim here, but that means I'd have to go back and find it on my DVD and type it all out and stuff, and I can't do that right now because my pizza is getting cold.

Don't you just love the hi-techness of the seismographs they use? A blue screen with a little square icon for Grady and Earl's truck and a red oval shaped icon for the graboids. And it does that fast beeping thing when a graboid gets nearby. Whoa, dudes, that's up there in the technology field. Impressive.

That was my sarcastic voice, in case you didn't catch that.

Speaking of technology, how 'bout those graboids! Again, in the effects department the Tremors movies do okay. There's a bit more CGI here than the first film but only when the graboid-babies have to do acrobatic shit like hop on each other's backs and stuff. Oh, and the running. They run like raptors, did you notice that? And raptors are scary so that helps in making the graboid-babies a little freakier too. It also helps to show one of them chowing down on Julio's freaking LEG while Kate helplessly watches through the window. Yuck.

There was evidence of a budding romance between Rhonda and Val in the first film, confirmed at the end when they have their big, smoochy kiss, and confirmed again when Earl mentions in Tremors 2 that they got married. Seems Earl was left out of the love loop, which is sad. What, the older guy can't get the girls? Only the cute and funny friend? However, his chance comes around in the sequel when Kate Riley, the oil company's geologist, is introduced. Another woman in the role of the scientific expert. I like it. Kate's a cool woman whom Earl immediately likes and Kate likes back. There's a great scene where the two of them surreptitiously check out each other's butts. That's true love, y'all.

Oh, oh! I just remembered! The graboid-babies are dubbed "shriekers" in the third movie. That was bugging me all day. I like "graboid-babies" better, though. Makes them sound cuter, which they kinda are.

Anyway. So there's some graboids, some graboid-baby births, some exploding graboid-babies, some more games of rock-paper-scissors, and one big ass oil refinery explosion at the end. Not a bad follow-up to the highly popular creature feature from ye olde 1990 that manages to continue the story along and keep all the elements about the original that we loved so much. One and a half thumbs up.

Graboid Week: Tremors (1990)

That's right, folks. It's the marathon you've all been waiting for - THE TREMORS MARATHON. You better be ready for this.

Tremors is a dearly beloved little creature feature that has been a favorite of mine, and probably MILLIONS of others, for years. Whenever it was on TV (and it played a lot on USA for a while back there), my sister or I would only have to yell through the house "Tremors is on!!!" and the other would come running. A few years ago, I got the Tremors "Attack Pack" DVD with all four movies in it (quick go out and buy it now) so they're all at my disposal.

The Graboid filled plot: An impossibly small and isolated desert town called Perfection is infested by huge, man-eating, worm-like creatures that travel underground. Two buddy handymen, a visiting seismologist, and a couple who collects every gun known to man are amongst the people who must rid their town of these monsters.

Oh, Tremors, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways and junk. As I sit here thinking about how to give a fair review, which to me includes also talking about any flaws in a film, I honestly cannot come up with anything that doesn't work, at least for me, in Tremors. Aside from one small shot where the effects are not as well done, Tremors is actually so well done that I can't think of hardly any nitpicks. The comedy, the creature effects, the acting, the logical actions of the characters, the characters themselves - they are all truly awesome.

Very much similar to Animals Run Amok, Creature Features are high on my list of horror movie awesomeness. And I think we've got possibly the best of best right here. Is it exaggerating to call Tremors a masterpiece of B movies? Methinks no.

And the movie actually almost moves out of the realm of B movie simply because of how good it is. The creature effects are so good, it's ridiculous. Amazing old-fashioned mechanical effects as opposed to obvious CGI help the film's believability and effectiveness. The graboids are really there acting with the actors and they look real - you know, if graboids were actually real in the first place.

Like I've said before, horror comedies always walk that fine line between genuine smart wit and cheesiness while having to still be great in the horror sense. In both of these aspects, Tremors excels. I'd say that's probably the best thing about the film overall, is how seriously it takes itself. There's none of those annoying fights about how this couldn't be possible, that creatures like this couldn't exist, whatever.  The characters all take what is happening at face value, mostly with the help of the requisite expert in the field, Rhonda the seismology student, and do whatever they can to fight these monsters.

The action is well placed and exciting with lots of changes in location and methods by the characers of how to deal with the situation. There's improvised pole-vaulting (who knew that THAT would be such a handy skill to have), sneak attacks with Burt's homemade bombs, and one of the best scenes where a graboid busts through the wall of Burt and Heather's rec room and they shoot the shit out of it with their scary collection of guns. They manage to kill all the graboids in a different way - and in smart ways. The characters are represented as sort of hicks who live in the shittiest little town (seriously, with a population of about 10, can you even call it a town?) but they are resourceful and smart and you want them all to survive this. Except maybe Melvin. With a name like that anyway, it'd be a favor to him if he got eatted up by a graboid.

Sorry. That was harsh. You're okay, Melvin. Just a little annoying.

The awesomest thing about Tremors is of course what I believe Andre at the Horror Digest referred to as the bromance between Val (Kevin Bacon) and Earl ( Fred Ward). These two actors work perfectly off each other and have such a funny but still lovable relationship. Their moments together are some of the funniest in the movie. Their little games of rock-paper-scissors? Cute. So cute. However, survivalist Burt Gummer runs a very close second to being the best thing about the movie, and he is the only character aside from the graboids to appear in all four movies. Thank you, Mr. Gummer. Without you, some of those sequels just wouldn't work.

If you look at my Facebook page, one of my quotes is from this movie. It's when Val and Earl take the horses to Bixbie and as they're gearing up, Walter comes up and says, "Earl, here's some Swiss cheese and some bullets." Nonsequitor? Yup. Funny? Oh, yeah! But there are SO MANY other hilarious highlights that it's a wonder Tremors isn't quoted more:

"Damn, Burt, what's in those things?" (asking about the bombs)

"A few household chemicals in the proper proportions."

"Yeah, well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat too."

"You see, we plan ahead that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me."

"Stay on those residual boulders!"

If you still haven't seen Tremors, you are doing yourself a serious disservice. A wonderful comedy, and still an exciting monster movie at the same time, it is truly one of the best of its kind. And if you don't fall in love with Val and Earl, well then you're just weird. 

Sidenote: Never liked how the poster shows the Graboid as having teeth like an alligator. Where did that come from?