Are you still doing okay? Breathe. Remember to breathe.
One of my new acting loves A.J. Bowen stars in the next segment called "The Radio." Absolutely nothing horror in this one at all. Just a radio that talks to a guy in a sexy female voice and tells him to steal money. I liked watching this one only because I like Bowen, and he plays this character with that subtle comedy and charm that I like so much. The rest of the thing is dull. This is a horror anthology, people. Yeah, this may be supernatural and Twilight Zone-y, but it's also freaking lame, especially the ending. Give me the next one.
Now we've got "Call Girl," which stars a chick with a kick-ass body (yes, I'm jealous) as a serial killing call girl who gets her comeuppance. She goes over to the wrong john's house and ends up getting killed by the dude after she has supposedly killed him herself. You see, he's a vampire. And he's a really stupid-looking vampire, too. Quite possibly my least favorite vampire makeup from any movie ever. It's cartoony and silly, with the mouth all big and full of sharp teeth. I liked that they had a woman be a serial murderer and the scene where she kills the vampire is nice because she really seems to enjoy it in a sickening way. Other than that, there's nothing else to the story and they really could have come up with something much more interesting.
I hate to have to admit this, but "The Professor's Wife" was my favorite. I think this is the one story in the whole bunch that actually fit in as a Creepshow-worthy story because it has that same feeling of being funny, bloody, and campy that the real Creepshow movies have. Bad part about this segment was the lamely shot little "flashback" scenes while the two guys remember the pranks their professor used to play on them. They've come to the professor's house to meet his fiance, whom they suspect is a robot. The professor leaves, and the guys decide to take the robot apart to find out how she works. Of course, she's not really a robot and the scene where they gleefully cut her up and marvel at her craftsmanship while playing with her insides was admittedly pretty hilarious and kind of a joy to watch.
Are we still friends, guys? I'm not saying that Creepshow 3 is a movie that I'm going to want to see a dozen more times (hell, even as a completist I don't feel any kind of need to add this to my collection) but it's also not one that I completely loathed watching. It has its fun moments, though few, and had it been called anything other than Creepshow 3, I'm fairly sure that people wouldn't hate it as much as they do. It doesn't resemble either of the two original movies in shape, form or guts - it doesn't even have the goshdarn Creep! Blasphemous! - and I completely agree that it shouldn't bear the Creepshow name. But, it is a movie that one can enjoy at least for its runtime if they are in the right kind of mood. I guess I was in just such a mood when I watched Creepshow 3. Didn't love it, but I've seen way worse.